Do people resist change, or do they resist being changed?

Change. It’s everywhere - at work, at home, and in life. People always say, “They don’t like change,” when resistance comes up. But is that really what’s happening? Are people resisting the change itself, or is it the feeling that they’re being changed by someone else that makes it hard? It’s more complicated than it seems on the surface.

What’s the real issue with change?

We’ve all dealt with some kind of change. Maybe it’s small, like reorganizing your desk or switching apps at work. Or maybe it’s big, like moving to a new city or starting a new job. The thing is, we handle it. Sometimes we struggle, but we adapt. So, if people can deal with change, what’s the real issue?

I believe people don’t resist change when they’re part of making it happen. What they resist is the feeling of losing control over what’s happening. That’s when the pushback starts. If you’re involved in the decision, the resistance drops. It’s not about the change itself but about having some say and influence over it.

Involvement makes all the difference

When people feel involved, they’re much more open to changes. Think about a work situation. If your team gets together and decides it’s time to switch up the way you do things, most of them are likely to get on board. They were part of the process, and that makes all the difference.

I’ve seen this happen a lot. When I worked with different teams as an external consultant, and "jumped" from team to team, I noticed something interesting. The changes that stuck were the ones where people had a say. Now, picture the opposite. Imagine walking into a meeting and being told, “Here’s the new way we’re doing things. No input needed.” People will resist, even if the change is positive. It’s not about hating change. It’s about not having any control or involvement in shaping it.

Why do we react this way?

It comes down to our natural need to feel like we have control over decisions that affect us. As humans, we want to feel like we can influence what happens in our environment and our lives. When change is handed to us without asking, it feels like we’re losing something. It could be the comfort of how we’ve always done things, or simply the sense that we’re in charge of our own lives.

Our brains prefer safety and predictability. When everything is familiar, we feel secure because we know what’s happening. But when something unexpected is thrown at us, especially when we don’t see it coming, our brain goes into defense mode. We resist because the unknown feels like a threat.

This isn’t just something that happens at work. It shows up in relationships too. If one partner feels like the other is trying to change them, they’ll resist, and through time, the resentment builds up. It’s not the change itself that’s the problem, but the feeling that someone wants to mold you in their image of what you should be.

Turning resistance into cooperation

You’re never going to fully eliminate resistance to change. That’s just part of being human. But what you can do is shift the conversation. Instead of focusing on the change itself, talk about how to make it work for everyone involved.

In the end, people aren’t resisting the change. They’re resisting being changed by forces they don’t understand or feel disconnected from. The key is to give people a role in the process. Let them have some control or input, acknowledge it, build it in, and you’ll see resistance turn into cooperation, maybe even excitement about what’s coming next.