Do we need more empathy?

Many organisations are focusing on putting their clients or customers at the centre of what they do. Then they are reaching out to us with the request that we help their employees or partners to be more empathetic. So far, all sounds good, right? 

But I am actually quite wary of blindly encouraging people to be empathetic. Let me explain why. We have to go to the definition of the word first, and then the definition of other similar words that people sometimes also use, or that we know from research have a similar neural blueprint. At Synaptic Potential we also look at what is going on in the brains of people when each of these things is being experienced by individuals. 

Definition of Empathy

From the Greek word ‘empatheia’ (passion). ‘en’ – in and ‘pathos’ – feeling. 

Empathy came into the English language following the german notion of ‘Einfuhlung’ – which described resonance with works of art. Only later was it linked to human beings. 

‘The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.’

‘In empathy one feels with someone, but one does not confuse oneself with the other; that is, one still knows that the emotion one resonates with is the emotion of another.’

It’s starting to get a bit confusing to me. Sharing in the feelings of another sounds a lot like Emotional Contagion. But these definitions, as you’ll see, seem to contrast with other terms in the actual sharing of feelings. 

Simon Baron-Cohen, a Professor at the University of Cambridge states, empathy is a “leap of imagination into someone else’s headspace”.  This captures something else quite important – that we will almost always have to infer, imagine. We don’t know for sure. I like the stated requirement of imagination. 

Definition of Sympathy 

Latin from Greek sumpatheia, from sumpathēs, from sun-‘with’ + pathos ‘feeling’.Greek

‘Feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune.’

Sympathy got a lot of bad press for a while, considered the poor cousin of empathy in many ways. 

Definition of Compassion

This term comes from Latin origins of ‘com’ (with / together) and ‘pati’ (to suffer). It came to the English language through the similar French word ‘compassion’. 

It is defined as ‘sympathetic pity and concern for the suffering or misfortunes of others’. 

Different to empathy by feeling for the person rather than feeling with the other. 

Normally, when we use the word compassion though it has some movement associated with it, that isn’t associated with sympathy. It seems connected to approach and prosocial motivation. 

What do we do?

Well, I talked to my GP friend about this because I know she teachers her student GPs to be empathetic, but I felt like the term is being misunderstood. It is actually possible to feel the same feelings as another person? From what we know about how humans process information and experience emotions, I wasn’t convinced. We all have our own genetic predispositions, life experiences and current state influencers which mean that even if exactly the same thing happened to two people, they could experience it differently. They could feel differently about the experience. If that’s the case for two people who experience the same thing at the same time, how much more true is it for, say, a person who is simply trying to put themselves in the shoes of another individual, but hasn’t experienced what they have. 

If we can agree that, even using our imagination and having spoken to a person to try to understand cognitively what is going on for them, we are unlikely to be able to feel exactly what they are feeling, then we shouldn’t pretend. It can be disrespectful and damaging to relationships to say, ‘I know exactly how you’re feeling right now’. However, to share your positive intention, and to share compassion can be dramatically different. ‘It sounds like what you’re experiencing is really tough, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.’

When we work with organisations on this topic, we start by getting behind the desire for increased empathy. Then we devise a model, based on what we know about how brains work, to help address the root need. For example, research by Batson & Eisenberg found that people who feel compassion offer more help than those who feel empathetic distress. So, if the root need involved people being supportive in some practical way then we’d want to ensure people were being encouraged and equipped to raise their ability to be compassionate. Another couple of common themes are that organisations want their people to be kind and respond appropriately. These responses aren’t actually built into the definition of empathy, so while they may help with them, they may not. It is therefore wise to address them separately and equip people to know what good looks like in these situations. 

If you want people to better understand each other and relate to one another then do get in touch.

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