Do You Bring Productive Energy?

Often when I hear a quote that resonates or makes me think, I write it down. Recently I looked at the list and most of the quotes inspired newsletters. The quote this time was:

"When a woman is in her pleasure, she lights up, and she lights up everyone around her."

I kind of feel like it should say, "When a person is in their pleasure" because really, I think what this quote is saying is that energy is contagious. A concept I wrote an entire chapter on in The 11 Laws of Likability.

Last week, I told you about an energy escalating interaction with my now 15 year old son. It is not uncommon to find energy escalating, it is one of the four most common energy responses, adding fuel to the fire.

 The four typical responses are:

1. Add Fuel To The Fire:  Often this is the reaction that feels easiest and most instinctual, because you fed off the other person and amplify their energy. What my son and I did last week. At times, this can be a good response especially when we are cheering somebody on or revving them up. It can also be bad if we are elevating their anger or amplifying their upset.  
2. Brush Them Off: This is often not intended as a brush off but rather an alternative perspective. For example, saying, “it’s not that big a deal” doesn’t make someone suddenly see things differently. Rather it typically backfires, because it ignores and invalidates the person’s current frame of mind and can leave them feeling dismissed and misunderstood. We minimize the other person's feelings.
3. Extract Yourself: This works when the issue is of little importance or, like I did with my son, it can give you the chance to shift your approach and gives the other person time to get into a better frame of mind and reengage the situation with constructive energy. My intent by walking away was to give us both a moment to regroup.
4. Meet Someone Where They Are: This response is used most often. By almost matching someone’s energy, it will let them know you understand what they are saying. Responding with energy that is just below or just above what they are expressing is validating and also enables them to slowly shift their energy positively.

If you want to take a deeper dive into the concepts of energy, energy knowledge, and energy responses that can enable greater communication and connection, read chapter 4 of my Likability Book.

Energy is contagious. Like the quote points out, our happy can bring others to a state of happiness. I hope your energy is attached to a smile today, though, and that you share it, because smiles are contagious too. 

50 for 50

36. Brick City Rowing 

 This week's charity comes from my dear friend from business school, Nancy White Wheeler. Her daughter is an amazing rower in part due to the support of a local organization called Brick City Rowing. Their explicit goal is to create a competitive rowing program that is open to youth and families from the City of Newark and its surrounding community. BCR does this by cultivating leadership in student athletes, and creating greater access for all students to learn and enjoy this sport. Because of the training, skills, and leadership BCR empowers their young athletes with, many of them have gone to earn scholarships and positions at many colleges and universities. Join me in donating!