Don't Fall Into This Trap!

I had a very interesting coaching conversation with a client last week

Towards the end of the call, we agreed on a certain set of actions he will take

He said “I will try”

I caught him then and there and challenged him “Will you try or will you actually do what we agreed?”

He paused for a moment and then said “I will do”

You see….

Language is a very important to me

It is a reflection of your thoughts and beliefs, your feelings and emotions

Trying v/s Doing

What’s the difference?

When you want to try something, it means that you are either not fully convinced or you are not fully committed

Doing is associated with taking action. Doing indicates commitment

There is nothing like trying – you either do it or you don’t do it. Period Two other things are important to understand in this context – intention and alignment

I will try v/s I will do

When you are simply trying something, your intentions are not very clear

Moreover, you may take action which is not in alignment with your intentions

But when you do something, your intention is clear – you want to achieve a specific outcome and you are ready to take the necessary action to help you move ahead in that direction

Say you want to lose weight:

If your intention is clear about losing weight, then you will do something about it. You will take action such as eating healthy and avoiding junk food. That’s the doing part

But if your intention is not clear or you are not fully committed, then you will try to lose weight. It gives you a leeway - you may or may not follow the required diet

There’s another meaning of trying – it could also mean that you want to experiment with something, but even to experiment and explore, you still have to take action. You have to do something, right?

Trying can be a subtle refuge for not doing something – it sounds like an excuse to me

When you are trying something, it creates an illusion that you did something, even though you actually did not do it

You can walk scot-free without doing anything and still claim that you tried :)

Trying can on many occasions be the same as not doing anything

You don’t have to face any consequences of trying. Infact, there’s no accountability if you simply try

Let’s look at some other examples:

Your belief - I am trying to cut down on my screen time

Fact – You are constantly looking at your phone and scrolling down social media

Net result – You remain distracted

Your belief – I am trying to get up early in the morning

Fact – You go to bed late. You set up the alarm. You snooze the alarm

Net result – You are not able to break the cycle of sleeping and getting up late

Your belief – I am trying to avoid looking at official emails late night

Fact – You keep replying to emails till early morning hours

Net result – You are not able to balance your personal and professional lives

Your belief – I am trying to be more empathetic to my team members

Fact – During your 1-1, you speak more and listen less

Net result – You come across as a leader who does not care about the team members

You can look at any number of examples from your life

I am trying to get out of a bad relationship

I am trying to be more physically active

I am trying to improve my relationship with my child

I am trying to speak up at important meetings

I am trying not to procrastinate

And so on….

In all these cases, you have to take action to really make things work for you, else you are simply fooling yourself to believe that you actually did something by trying and you get away with it

If you put in half-hearted efforts, it still means that you are not giving your best

But if you were to actually do something about any of these situations, then it will look very different. For example:

Your Commitment - I will cut down my screen time

Action – You keep your phone away while doing important tasks

Net result – You are able to improve your focus

Your Commitment – I will be more empathetic to my team members

Action – During your 1-1, you start listening more with an open mind. You don't go in the meeting with your own agenda

Net result – Your relationship with your team members improves

And so on....

Now the important question is:

What stops you from doing, from taking action?

Look….

Change in any form creates discomfort. It changes the equilibrium around us

We are used to thinking, working, and acting in a certain way and we are comfortable with that system. There is a certain sense of inertia

We are used to "how and where" we are – it may not be ideal, but we are ok with it. Infact, to avoid any form of change, we keep increasing our tolerance and thresholds

But when you have to do something different, it pushes you out of your comfort zone. It disturbs the balance you have created around you, hence the reluctance

It is easy to be in the as-is state, rather to change it, right?

Sometimes, inaction could also be driven by fear – fear of failure or fear of uncertainty

Whatever the cause is, it is sometimes easier to say you are trying, than to actually do something

So, what’s the way out?

Make a shift:

Trying >> Doing

I will try >>  I will do

I am trying >> I am doing

I am trying my best >> I am doing my best

I tried >> I did

I tried my best >> I did my best

This is not just a shift in language - it's a shift in your approach, your attitude, your behavior and your intentions

When you say I will do instead of I will try, there is a sense of conviction and commitment. You are clear of your intention and you get into action mode

Alternatively, if you are sure that you are not going to do anything, then there’s another shift you can make by being honest and true to yourself:

I will try >> I will not do

In most cases, if you put your hand on your heart, you know whether you are going to do something or not about a situation, right?

And if you know that you are not going to do something, then it’s better to take that decision, rather than make an excuse of trying

That is another way to clarifying your intentions

Bottom line:

Stop trying. Start doing

1. Pick up one area of your life where you are trying to achieve a specific goal
2. If you were to stop trying and actually do something on a consistent basis, what action will you take?
3. If you have to do your best to achieve that goal, how would you go about it?

That's all for today

Do share your insight when you read this article

Till then

Stay safe and stay healthy

Harsh

www.harshjohari.com