Don’t Rush

Taking a slower, patient approach to life can improve moments where we are feeling rushed and can extend our empathy to others.

In my previous blog post, “Gems,” we discussed that while no longer together, we can acknowledge our past partner’s good traits despite their bad traits.

People plant seeds in our psyches over the years. There are times when these seeds sprout confidence and others when they engender doubt. They can lead us to grow or wither.  I'd like to share a moment when a wise auntie shared some valuable wisdom about being patient.

Practice Patience When You Least Feel Like It

My oldest child is 25 years old. Twenty-five years ago my family and community welcomed and introduced her via a naming ceremony. It was one of the most beautiful days of my life. It's only rival is the Million Man March.

The event was scheduled to start at 2 p.m. However, the setup was running late. The tables and chairs were not arranged. Food hadn’t arrived, and I was quite antsy. Family members had traveled to attend. She was my (and her mother’s) first child, and I wanted things to be beautiful.

It was about 1 p.m.  There were only a few people around. I recall only two: me and Auntie Baakan. Auntie Baakan is widely known as a sage. She is also one of the seniors of my parents’ age group. If you want to share a trouble or a story and have someone show you understanding, talk to Auntie Baakan. There is a high likelihood that you’ll walk away from her feeling and believing that things will be okay, and with a nugget of wisdom to help things be that way.

As the naming ceremony preparations unfolded in real time, I was literally running around setting up chairs. Auntie Baakan witnessed this and gave me a permission that would resonate for decades (and beyond). She said, “Don’t rush.”

I wasn’t clear that I heard her correctly, and asked, “What’d you say, auntie?”

She said, “Don’t rush. You don’t have to rush. Everything will be beautiful without it. Take your time.”

I instantly felt as though someone had removed a weight from my shoulders. Little did I know that I would work to extend the same favor to those in my circle in the years to come.

Extending Patience to Others

We live in a time of intensity and rush. Slowing down is a rarity. Promoting slow movement is also rare. Bigger, stronger, faster, more is the prevailing narrative. It is very rare when someone tells us to slow down and relax. Or not to rush.

My mother and I attend gyms that are very close to one another. This afternoon, I dropped her off at her gym and asked her to be ready in an hour. “I have a meeting immediately thereafter. I’ll need to get home and get ready so that I’m not late.” Mom agreed. She exited the car, entered the gym, and I was off to mine.

As I drove back to Mom after my workout, I called to let her know that I would be outside in two minutes. She said, “Okay.” But she responded as though she was going to have to rush to be outside once I arrived.

Sensing that she was going to feel the need to rush to meet me, I was compelled to relieve her. I said, “Mom, I’ll be there in two minutes. But please don’t rush to meet me. Take your time. Relax.”

Patience Works With Firmness

As previously mentioned in My Pops Won’t Leave Me Alone, my youngest son is driving now. When he goes somewhere, I usually approve of his destination after he tells me about the destination and when he intends to be home. There are times when he is later than his promised time and calls early and asks for some grace. There are times when he is just late, and I’ll call him. When I call him, I remind him of the time that he committed to being home and I tell him to come home, but I am also compelled to tell him, “Come home, but don’t rush.”

Permission to Be Patient

Any time I work to relieve the pressure that someone may be feeling due to their need to meet my perceived demands or my actual demands, I think about Auntie Baakan. Auntie Baakan gave me permission to slow down. And with that permission, and even more importantly, the feeling of calm I experienced, she empowered me to empower others to relax and not rush. And that permission, though seemingly simple, is not trivial.

As we move with and around the people in our lives, let’s allow one of the ways we take care of each other to be helping each other relax. Work still needs to be done, but we can often do it without rushing.  It’s an important element to add to our relationship toolboxes . . . and it can be very loving.

Keep Rising,

Frank Love

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Each week, Frank Love hosts Zoom support group meetings that assist women and men as we work to create a loving culture in our relationships. Calls occur from 7:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. EST and can be accessed by visiting FrankWeeklyCall.com.

• Tuesdays – Black Women: Creating a Loving Culture in Our Relationships
• Thursdays – Black Men: Creating a Loving Culture in Our Relationships

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Frank Love coaches individuals who are in (or wish to be in) a relationship toward creating a loving culture in their family. He is also the author of Relationship Conversations You Don’t Want to Have (But Should Anyway) and 25 Ways to Be Loving. To schedule a free consultation, contact Frank at Frank@FrankLove.com.