Don’t say "It's Not Personal": Leading with Transparency and Empathy During Layoffs

Layoffs. The mere word evokes a sense of dread for both leaders delivering the news and the employees facing it. As I am writing that word my stomach turns. As managers, navigating these difficult conversations requires a thoughtful approach. One phrase often used, with good intentions but misguided impact, is "It's not personal." The following delves into why this statement is problematic and explores more human ways to lead during a layoff.

Why "It's Not Personal" Misses the Mark

One way manager’s often deliver the layoff news is by emphasizing to employees that the decision had nothing to do with them personally, that it isn’t related to their work performance or anything related to them personally. “It’s not personal”. The idea behind this is that it’s easier to process the event if it’s not related to anything that was under our control. But it just doesn’t work that way.

Our careers are intricately woven into the fabric of our lives. They provide a sense of purpose, belonging, and financial security. Losing a job disrupts all three – of course it’s personal! Saying "it's not personal" dismisses the very real emotions employees grapple with – anger, sadness, fear, and uncertainty. It creates a false separation between the individual and the decision, essentially denying the personal devastation job loss brings. A layoff triggers an emotional rollercoaster. Minimizing the personal nature implies that these feelings are unjustified. This invalidates the employee's right to express their emotions, hindering the grieving process and creating a sense of isolation. "It's not personal" is a band-aid expression and fails to embrace the company’s fault that this is happening.

So why do we use “It’s Not Personal”?

Delivering layoff news is undeniably stressful for managers too. It's natural to experience a range of emotions: guilt, sadness, anxiety about the team's future, and even fear for your own job. The phrase "it's not personal" can serve as a psychological shield, offering (false) comforts. By framing the layoff as an impersonal business decision, managers can distance themselves from the emotional fallout. It allows them to sidestep feelings of guilt or responsibility for the hardship inflicted on employees. Also, managers invest significant time and effort in building relationships with their teams. Layoffs can threaten their self-image as fair and competent leaders. Saying "it's not personal" can protect this image by suggesting that the decision was based on external factors, not a reflection of their managerial skills.

In sum, saying “It’s Not Personal” is meant to make the managers feel better about the layoff, not the report who is losing their job. But in the layoff conversation, it’s not important how managers feel. It’s not the laid off person’s job to make their managers feel better in this situation, there are many ways leaders can focus on processing these events outside of that conversation.

Leading with Understanding and Ownership

Instead of resorting to empty platitudes, leaders can demonstrate empathy and take ownership in these difficult moments: Take responsibility for the role the company played in the situation. Be transparent about the reasons behind the layoffs and express regret for the hardship it creates for employees. Do you dare saying “It’s not your fault, it’s our fault. We failed you. I am so sorry this is happening to you.”? 

Focus on Empathy, Not Comfort

Layoffs are undeniably difficult. However, by abandoning the "it's not personal" crutch, we can create a more humane and supportive experience for impacted employees. True leadership focuses on empathy, offering genuine understanding instead of superficial comfort. Remember, it's about showing compassion and taking responsibility – not making yourself feel better about delivering difficult news. This approach fosters respect and goodwill, even in the face of challenging circumstances.