Don’t Shoot The Messenger

We've all heard the saying, “don't shoot the messenger.“  The idea here is that we should not attribute negative things to messengers who share bad news.

Twice in the past year, I experienced this “don't shoot the messenger” phenomenon firsthand. Ugh!  Let me tell you what happened.

Both times, I was delivering a live, in-person, corporate workshop. We were focused on personal branding and how you show up at work. I was sharing the research on how what you wear at work (your business attire) affects others' perception of you. (Yes, this is the same topic as the last LinkedIn newsletter).

Even today, in our post-COVID world of less formal attire, even with our evolving culture, people still more readily attribute leadership and competency to those dressed more formally.

Apparently, this message was not what they wanted to hear.

I couldn't have been more clear that this was not my prescription, rather I was describing the academic research.

When I requested feedback following the workshops, the results were very similar.

The audiences rated the workshops very highly. They found the content compelling and impactful. The only negative comment was regarding my description of the research focused on attire.

This is the “don’t shoot the messenger effect”.

Based on the feedback from the first corporate workshop, I was even more emphatic the second time I spoke about the research.  I even joked and explicitly asked that they “don't shoot the messenger.”  They smiled and laughed… then later, a few "shot the messenger".

WOW.

There's good news, though. Understanding this “don’t shoot the messenger” phenomenon can help boost our communication skills and help us avoid some of the repercussions.

Why are we blaming the messenger, anyway?

The saying "don't shoot the messenger" is rooted in ancient history and literature.

Messengers often carried news between warring parties or from distant lands. Shooting or punishing the messenger was seen as unjust since the messenger was merely delivering the information and not the reason for the news.

Shakespeare used similar expressions in his plays; one of many phrases and concepts we now use in everyday language.

In Henry IV, Part 2 (1598), Shakespeare wrote, "The first bringer of unwelcome news hath but a losing office."

Similarly, in Antony and Cleopatra (1607), Cleopatra threatens a messenger for delivering bad news. When told Antony has married another, Cleopatra threatens to treat the messenger's eyes as balls. The messenger replies, "Gracious madam, I that do bring the news made not the match."

Academic Research on Negative Perceptions of Bearers of Bad News

Believe it or not, there is academic research that supports the idea that people often attribute negative perceptions to those who deliver bad news:  “shooting the messenger”.

People tend to blame and dislike the bearer of bad news, even when they know that the bearer didn’t cause the bad news.  The American Psychological Association published a study that found messengers were not only considered unlikeable but were perceived to have negative intent in the delivery.

You don’t need to deliver battlefield news to be affected by this.  In a professional setting, people who frequently deliver negative feedback or bad news can be viewed less favorably by their colleagues and team members.  Understandably, this can affect their professional relationships and career progression.

“People have an inherent and powerful need to understand and make sense of events that happen to them. Sense-making — making connections among things, events, and relationships — is a central psychological activity…Once the desire to “sense-make” is activated, people fulfill the desire by readily generating explanations, or ostensible causes, for outcomes. A key part of generating an explanation for an event is assignment of blame.” (HBR, April 2019)

An article in Fast Company pointed out that we also don’t like to take advice from people we don’t like. “The person cloaked in bad news may be rejected as an unhelpful resource—even if this person is, paradoxically, the subject matter expert specifically hired to serve in that role” The article relates an encounter with a Fortune 500 head of M&A who felt the consultant was “‘trying to kill the deal,’ when (they were) zealously executing the due diligence they were hired to do.”

A concept called the “affect heuristic” adds to this phenomenon.  The affect heuristic is “a mental shortcut that people use to make decisions that are heavily influenced by what they’re currently feeling. Essentially, your affect (a psychological term for emotional response) plays a critical role in the choices you make.”

If you’re the recipient of bad news, your mood can cause you to make a decision based on emotion and affect your perception of the messenger.

So the next time someone asks you to share bad news with an individual or an audience, understand that it's not just a saying.

Research shows that the receivers of the bad news will attribute the negativity back on you.

Can the messenger be saved?

Is there anything you can do to counter this?

Actually, yes.

The same Fast Company article offered 5 “Messenger Survival Lessons”:

1. Give advance warning - say “I’ve got bad news” to prepare the recipient for the information.
2. Rehearse your delivery - practicing can enhance your credibility
3. Be fully present - face-to-face is best - written delivery is worst - to reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings.
4. Show empathy - the audience is already inclined to view you as having negative intent.  Empathy can counteract this.
5. Explain but don’t justify - make sure people understand the facts of the situation.

Everyone has to deliver bad news at some point in their careers.

Going into the situation knowing how your audience will perceive you allows you to prepare your message so it can be received in the best way possible.

And, if all this has got you down, you might want to check out this classic bit by comedian Rowan Atkinson (Mr. Bean), demonstrating the role of a messenger in Elizabethan literature:

Homework

I hope you DON’T have any real homework this week - I don’t want you to be the messenger or to receive bad news from a messenger.

Instead, here’s an exercise in reflection:

• Think back to a time when you received bad news.  Revisit the moment and explore your perception of the person delivering the news.  Now that you have some distance from the moment, can you view the person differently?
• Then think back to a time when YOU had to deliver bad news.  How could you have used any of the “Survival Lessons” to change your approach?

I hope your week is full of good news!

Talk soon,

Andrea

Dr. Andrea Wojnicki is a Harvard-educated executive communication coach. She founded "Talk About Talk" to help ambitious executives communicate with confidence and clarity, focusing on topics such as personal branding, overcoming imposter syndrome, listening, demonstrating leadership, and formal presentation skills.  Andrea provides 1:1 coaching, workshops, keynote speeches, and online courses. She also shares her thought leadership as a columnist at Inc. magazine and hosts the Talk About Talk podcast, with over 150 episodes and counting.