Doughnuts Make Me Happy (But Not Joyful)

Joy, Joy, Joy.

There is a doughnut shop not too far from my house. While I wish I never found it, every time I enter it, I smile. The doughnuts they make are the classic yeast rising doughnuts that are light as air and crusted in a light glaze. Biting into them brings back memories of the doughnut shop I visited when I was a boy on the way home from school.

I feel happy.

What I don’t feel is joy. This is not a criticism of doughnuts. Instead, eating doughnuts is a reminder that happiness is ephemeral. It comes, and it goes. Happiness is good. Enjoy it, but do not embrace it. (My waistline is a testament to the fact that I should never fully embrace doughnuts.)

What we seek in life is not happiness per se but joy. Joy is the feeling of goodness (okay, happiness) we feel when we are at our best. Joy emerges from the pleasure we take in doing what we like to do and are good at. For example, we can excel at a sport and take joy from it. But taking a longer view, joy comes from the enrichment we feel at pursuing a task, a job, a career that gives us pride. 

Affirmation

Deep joy comes from the pursuit of doing something that affirms our capacity to do better. The greatest joy comes from helping others, giving of ourselves to make the life of another better. If only for a short time. How we do this becomes the measure of we relate to others.

The joy that sustains us is the joy that comes from giving. It may come from giving ourselves to our work by committing our energies to something greater than ourselves. And it is in the giving that joy reaches its deepest richness. Joy comes from the love we express and the love in return we receive.

As we celebrate the notion of joy, it is important to frame it properly. The poet William Butler Yeats wrote, “Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy.” A truism perhaps of Gaelic folks whose tradition is shaped by dark forces beyond their control. Joy sustains us in hard times, even when we have little to be happy about.

Life is not all joy, nor should it be, but if we focus on the enrichment part of joy will find a source that nurtures our spirit, the way a natural spring waters the ground around it. 

Not taken for granted

Joy is never a given. We must work at it, and in the working, we find that we encounter our true selves. The Buddhist philosopher Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” Inherent joy indicates that you have found a level of enrichment. At the same time, recognizing that joy will give you happiness.

Joy is not a destination.

It is more a journey.

It is not one of pure happiness.

More of struggle.

Yet, in the pushing-and-pulling, we find our true selves.

Open. Ready. Able.

To help others.

And in doing so.

Ourselves.

First posted on Forbes.com 10.08.2021

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