Dougs Behaving Badly

I thought with a female candidate we could get away from caddish, boorish, aggressive or even criminal male behavior. Then I remembered Hillary and that suitcase fulla trouble she called Bill.

Today is his birthday (sixty) so I do feel a little guilty dissing Doug, but here goes: do not call allegedly slapping your girlfriend at Cannes a "distraction". (With three anonymous confirmations, you know and I know this happened, Dougie.) Have any of you ladies been slapped by a man? I was slapped once, after the senior ball, by my ex. He was upset that I did not love him anymore. I should have demanded he let me go right then -- my new boyfriend Paul was more than happy to pick me up -- but in classic codependent female fashion I felt sad for Tad*. Sad for Tad while I nursed the welt on my face.

Thank God at 17 I had the wherewithal to tell him he'd sealed the coffin on our relationship for good. Sob sob I thought we were going to get married sob sob spare me. The man who had awakened me sexually had also awakened me to domestic violence. There was just the one slap, but before that he had slept with a neighbor, Jill, because I would not (yet) sleep with him. There were the constant "jokes" at his mother's expense, with he and his dad mimicking Archie Bunker and calling her "Dingbat". She was the sweetest woman, too.

Another boyfriend slammed me up against a wall when I showed up at his apartment unannounced. There was no more than that so it took years for me to realize that was abuse. Then there was the date rape in 2006, though it was not a date, it was a Black high school coach I met at a bar in Brooklyn, who took me down the street to meet up with his friends who passed around drinks. One of those must have had the roofie in it. That was a great night, with Frank (yep, that was his name, officers) telling me he'd kill me if I were with another man.

I am proud of my ability to see men clearly, to stay away from drunks, hitters, husbands and a-holes. It has also meant quite a lot of alone time but I'm ok with that. I worry that our soon-to-be-maybe-president may be putting up with more than she's willing to let on. The perfect beta boy image of Dougie she's shared with the world is nauseating in light of the slap allegations. The baby that was almost born to the nanny was the first, uh, red flag. This is a searchlight.

...

It is not enough to say, 'Well, at least he didn't say he could grab women by the pussies' or rape a talented Elle columnist inside a department store dressing room. At least. But how do we know? The more I hear about Doug's past the sicker I become, everything from misogyny and sexism at the law firm to questions about hand placement hugging his daughter. The problem with one bad act is it begets others. The same, frankly, pertains to Tim Walz. Though his crimes are of a more vanilla flavor, the 'oh gee wiz I told a falsehood' t-shirt he's wearing is not one I am buying.

I am sad to say this, but a woman I greatly admire - for her intellect, grace, grit and humor - has pretty poor judgment when it comes to men. I worked for Willie Brown, and happened to like him. He was hardly abusive, but he was a known womanizer. I'm not sharing covert information here. But for a young Kamala Harris he was the cat's pajamas.

I would love to see her dump Doug and be our first President to date in office. Think of the fun that would be! Also, as long as we are ticking diversity hiring boxes, singles have never been represented in our nation's highest office. Let's do this! Why not Justin Trudeau for her get-back-in-the-saddle date? She lived in Canada growing up. Oui, bien sur, je pense que c'est une bonne idée!

In all seriousness, I do not know the inner workings of their marriage or whether Doug has had so much therapy he can recite entire Jung texts in his sleep. What I do know is dogs do not stop being dogs, as much as we cat ladies would like to dream it so.

* Not his real name, just similar. Not sure why I care at this point, but what-ever.