Earn Trust

Trust.

That there my friends is a complicated one.

Before we start earning it, maybe we should take a quick look at what it means?

trust

trŭst

noun

(1) Firm belief in the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing; confidence or reliance. (2) The condition and resulting obligation of having confidence placed in one. (3) One in which confidence is placed.

Sounds like a challenge to earn doesn't it!?

Trust Mindsets

What is your default trust mindset? Are you set in your ways? Think about how you and your mind gauge, assign and revoke trust.

Do you give someone the benefit of the doubt and it's up to them to lose your trust?

Are you more of a skeptic and like to feel out other people before extending any trust?

Degrees of Trust

Like most things there are degrees or levels of trust. You might compare it to another powerful word "love". We love pizza, we love hockey, we love mom. Same word. Worlds apart in meaning (at least I hope so when it comes to mom!)

Do (could) you ever trust a co-worker as much as you trust your mom or dad?

Maybe you put more trust in your pet than humans in general.

The very interesting thing is that my answers to the above might be much different than yours. So talking about trust in a broad stroke can be a challenge.

Set the Playing Field

We aren't going to be able to cover all bases, but we can try to come up with some sort of basic ground rules or playing field. For the purposes of this conversation, I'm going to focus on the environment outside of your family. Family dynamics are a whole different ball game.

Let's Earn Some Trust

Let's go over some key elements of earning trust. I might be putting them in the order of importance for myself, but I don't think there is a universal order.

Lead by Example

As far back as I can remember, I have always been compelled by individuals who led by example. These people walked the walk. For many of us that might be our parents in the early days, a Scout leader, a coach, a great friend, or that legendary grandparent.

As we get older we meet others who might want to earn our trust. An employer, a partner, a colleague.

On the flip-side, we also want to earn the trust of others. Now it is our turn to lead by example. It doesn't take long to realize this isn't as easy as expecting others to lead by example!

Maybe you are a manager, and you want your leaders to carefully document all of their key work routines into concise processes. However, your own processes are not yet documented! Are you going to work with your leaders to create some frameworks, spending time discussing process creation and then lead by example by creating the very first processes?

Let's not get too focused on serious business-type stuff as well. Maybe you want to lead by example by smiling and spreading good cheer around your work environment. I can't help but think of this example, as there are many leaders at Vendasta that fit this bill and lead with sunshine.

The fastest way to get your kids to shovel the driveway is to get out there and shovel the driveway!

Genuinely Listen

A close second for me is listening.

"We have two ears and one mouth." - Epcitetus (also my mom)

To be clear, not just listening, but genuinely listening. It is more difficult to do in this day and age, especially with Zoom meetings and all of the distractions that might exist on your computer screen.

I personally make a point of never bringing electronic devices (cell, laptop) when I meet with people in person. I immediately increase my odds of listening better.

As I am listening to the person, I carefully replay what they are saying in my mind and if there is a point of interest or confusion, I might ask for clarification or repeat their words to ensure I have heard and understood them accurately.

The better we listen, the better the conversation gets. As the trust builds during the interaction, you will be invited to participate in more meaningful areas of their thoughts and experiences.

Have Fun with Your Mistakes

It probably helps that I'm a dad, but I love giving myself the gears when I mess up or misunderstand something that impacts my team. It is a great time to lighten the situation and learn in a fun way.

You can literally see the tension lift from all faces in the room when you take this approach. Sometimes it might be embarassing, perfect! Embarassing is empathy turbo boost and the is value in feeling awkward and learning how to deal with that.

Thanks to my amazing wife Renee, all of my kids (I guess they are half hers too) have an amazing ability to make light of their mistakes and quickly point out what they have done wrong and how they are going to fix it.

Is that it?

Nope ... (in my initial version of this article I had ended it here with -->[, but it's a start. Lead by example, listen and be open about your flaws.]) ... I was playing this article through my mind as I rode my bike along the river and just had to get back in here!

Don't Assume!

In writing this article I made some assumptions. It's a tough one to remember. You might make an assumption about knowledge, a belief, a perception, etc.

One assumption I made was that everyone trying to earn trust would be a genuine helper! Why would I assume this? First reason is it is one of my primary modes of operation. Second reason (which is a bit silly), is I wrote an article on genuine help!

Helper Hit List

1. Lead by example
2. Genuinely listen
3. Have fun with your mistakes
4. Help in a genuine way
5. Don't be wishy washy, stick to your guns
6. Be transparent, candid and authentic (even when uncomfy)
7. Reflect on your progress of earning trust and identify improvements
8. When you notice others struggling with trust or making misteps, help.
9. Focus on what others are trying to achieve, and help them.
10. Bring cookies