Edition 5: Quit happens - taking a career break

The last 6 years

After finishing university almost 6 years ago, I've worked pretty much non-stop with the exception of a week holiday here and there a couple of garden leaves, one of those happening at the start of the very first lockdown so it wasn't exactly enjoyable 🙃.

I always told myself to "just get in with it" and "it's just a part of life" and pushed myself to the point of physical and mental exhaustion. Monday to Friday are dedicated to working. Because I'm Autistic and ADHD I'd need several hours after finishing work to recover and decompress and mornings aren't exactly "me time" when I'm mentally preparing to tackle the day. This left me with 2 very short days on the weekend to pack in all of my life admin, chores, errands, groceries, meal prepping, laundry, socialising etc.

I also have Chronic Migraines which worsened last Jan and I've had constant debilitating flare ups since. And I've been in a vicious cycle with my insomnia. Poor sleep quality → migraine triggered → executive functioning heavily reduced → anxiety → poor sleep. There's a reason sleep deprivation was used as a form of torture in medieval times...

I was in autopilot. I was living for the weekend. I lost my spark.

So I decided to do what any sane person would do and quit my job without any sort of plan.

The last 6 weeks

I've experienced a lot of up's and down's, it's definitely been less smooth sailing than I expected. I've lost any form of routine and structure and subsequently a loss of momentum. But I've also made peace with just doing nothing and I no longer tie my self-worth to my productivity.

Despite making vast technological advancements and tools at our disposal that enable us to do more in less time, we're still working the 40-hour work week than was implemented over a century ago, when a single-income household was also sufficient. We're living to work rather than working to live.

I believe in the social model of disability as opposed to the medical model and this break has solidified that to me. I'm not broken, just living in a broken system.

Initially I said I'd take a few weeks off but at the 1-month mark I decided I needed another month at least. I appreciate that taking a career break isn't a practical option for some people, and I accept that I'm in an incredibly privileged position to do so especially as I don't have a mortgage (I'm a renter) and I don't have kids to pay for either.

Now I feel like I'm actually able to escape being in autopilot and be truly present. I've found joy in mundane day-to-day tasks. I've reconnected with my hobbies, I've learnt a tonne of new songs on the piano and I've started scrapbooking again. I've maintained a regular gym routine. I've been eating really well.

A few people who know me well noticed that within a few weeks I felt like a different person to them. They said I looked happy and at peace, and it's true. I've never felt internal peace like this before.

The next 6(?) years

I'm incredibly proud of what I've achieved in my career so far, and I've done things that I didn't think I'd be able to do until much later in my career (if at all). Taking a career break means I've been able to dedicate time to think about the direction I want to take my career in, I feel so much less lost and have so much more clarity.

I worked really hard to achieve a very good salary and I realised that was stopping me from making the change my body and mind so desperately needed. I've gone from having more disposable income than I knew what to do with to having no income whatsoever. But what's the point in having all that money but no time or energy to spend it? Don't get me wrong, I've had to make some changes so I'm not spending as irresponsibly as I was before. I've gone back to really thinking about spending any money but I wouldn't change it for the world.

My advice to you

If reading this article has resonated with you, then I'm sorry you're feeling stuck too but I'm also glad because there's nothing worse than feeling like you're alone, and feeling like you're ungrateful for what you have and wanting to run away from it all. You're not a failure for doing your best to survive in this society riddled with systemic issues. We're in a horrific cost of living crisis which isn't our fault. We're witnessing multiple ingoing humanitarian crises such as the genocide of innocent Palestinians. And we're all just trying to do our best.

If you can afford to you and you're considering taking a career break, do it. See if your company offers paid sabbaticals, that way you don't have to do it in between jobs as there is a possibility increased anxiety around finding a new job (which isn't that easy in the current economic climate). For neurodivergent people this is particularly important, your week-long holiday or meditation isn't going to solve your burnout sadly. The money will always come back but you're a human being that deserves to thrive, not just survive.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this edition!

If you'd like to contribute either with a guest edition like Niraj Shah AIA did for sharing his experience with Autistic Burnout, or by sharing a story or experience of being a neurodivergent person in the workplace, please fill in this form here. I know that it's so important to spotlight real experiences we face at work so I'm creating a platform for neurodivergent voices that deserve to be heard.