The Efficiency Tax + How to Stop Paying It

Dear Readers,

I received some thoughtful feedback recently from a few readers, which suggested that further discussion of the “efficiency tax” would be welcome, useful, and warranted, given that it’s a common (and especially tough to smack down) cause of burnout.

This week we’re doing a recap on what the efficiency tax is, and some steps we can take to stop paying it, and start investing in our own well-being instead.

SUPER PERFORMERS LIKE YOU

Often the people who get most burned out are the ones who get it done in life and work, no matter what. They find that extra gear even through bone-deep exhaustion, when they didn’t even know that gear existed. They are reliable to the core.

They are the kind of team players who know sometimes the demands are higher and that’s how it goes, so we may have to grind for a bit. They stick it out day and night when things are hard with family life and often put up with unhealthy amounts of BS from others in their lives.

Sound like you?

Then you’re also the kind of person who takes pride in your work and does it well, even when no one is breathing down your neck (maybe especially when no one is breathing down your neck). You take pride in the quality of your work and the mission it serves and try hard to treat others well and build meaningful relationships along the way.

You're a dream team member.

Unfortunately, high performers like this often keep pressing on, year after year, proving that we can crush everything thrown at us, all while silently dying inside waiting for someone to turn down the volume, throw us a life preserver, and just go away.

And we keep doing it until something literally collapses, breaks, or otherwise snaps us to attention in the form of an emergency or health crisis. Any person (even any mechanical thing) that keeps going without time to recharge (or undergo maintenance) eventually breaks down. It’s inevitable, and it’s magical thinking to believe otherwise.

This is what I refer to as the “efficiency tax.”

WHAT IS THE EFFICIENCY TAX?

The efficiency tax is the lovely “reward” high performers get when they consistently go above and beyond, taking on more and more until external demands have replaced every “free” hour on their schedule at work and in their personal lives. Doing everything for everyone else until every trace of time with family and friends, walking outdoors, at painting class, playing piano, doing tai chi, sitting on the beach, sleeping (you get the point) has been removed in hopes of finally reaching the bottom of the bottomless to-do list and ensuring no one is let down or inconvenienced.

When folks around us see that we are still getting it all done (or we seem to be on the outside, at least), they think we have capacity and keep piling more on. Instead of winning an all-expenses-paid vacation to a tropical island, we “win” (and have unwittingly trained others to give us) more tasks to do.

This is true even when we are saying verbally that the status quo is not sustainable. Our actions (of getting it all done) speak louder than our words and sometimes managers simply hope that our fatigue has simply “gone away” after a three-day weekend spent lying in bed with a skull-crushing migraine and pillow over our head. Didn’t we get enough rest already? (No.)

CONSEQUENCES OF BEING TOO EFFICIENT

When the ever-increasing demands from others devour the things we need to build a solid foundation of mental, physical, and spiritual well-being, we become unmoored, unbalanced, and un-fun. Exhaustion spikes, resilience wanes, and we lose track of the pathway back to the life we want to live.

Often what happens next is that we get pissed off at others, blaming them for our being overwhelmed when we’re the ones who didn’t set boundaries or clearly install protective fencing around our time in the first place.

Blaming ourselves is equally unhelpful. After all, most of us got here in the first place by attempting to satisfy the spoken or unspoken work and societal expectations, gritting our teeth and grinding it out, never missing a beat and never revealing the mess under the surface.

It’s more about reminding ourselves that we hold the power (and the responsibility) to protect and spend our time according to the dictates of our own inner compass, and we give that power away by allowing others (sometimes very pushy others) to overfill our schedules, and then blaming them for doing so.

WHO’S IN CHARGE OF OUR TIME?

Sadly, time is a zero-sum game. We only get twenty-four hours each day, and it’s up to us to spend them as well as we can on the people and things that matter most in our lives—while making a living in the process and modeling to others through our own acts of self-regard that we are worthy of respect.

Though we often think of things like rest, exercise, time with loved ones, and doing things that light us up as “extras,” to be done “if there’s extra time” (which there never is), they are in fact essential. They belong at the top of our to-do list, rooted literally and firmly on our schedules, as immutable as gravity.

When we regularly overwrite our weekly fitness class with another “urgent” demand, we fail to keep our commitments to ourselves. As painful as it is to admit, we are the ones who allowed this to occur. But the excellent news is that we are also the ones with the ability to change it and to practice treating ourselves and our time with greater care and respect in the process.

LIFE-WORK BALANCE

The highest performers I know take setting boundaries and establishing healthy expectations for their life-work balance seriously. They care deeply about their work yet clearly understand paid work is but one element of a rich, multidimensional life. They nourish themselves, their relationships, and their passions.

For them, work is not primary, with everything else squeezing in around it where it can maybe sort of fit in. Life is primary, and the values, people, paid and unpaid work, and other interests they care about are given their due space and time within it.

SELF-POSSESSED SELF-CARE & BOUNDARY SETTING

What’s the best way to decline an unwarranted encroachment on your schedule? The next time external pressure threatens the things we require to maintain our well-being, we can say simply that we have a conflict and can’t accommodate the request. (Unless it’s a true emergency, which 99.9 percent of the time it isn’t.)

We need not explain further what the “conflict” or “other commitment” is or defend our decision. It could be a class, a pedicure, a special afternoon date with your kids or partner, a walk in the park to decompress after receiving painful news, whatever.

Self-possessed self-care looks like taking time to care for the most important people and things in our lives, including ourselves. I’ve declined tons of requests over the last several years simply because I know I need down time, not necessarily because there was another event-level conflict in the way.

I don’t ask permission because it is not theirs to give. It’s my job to see to my well-being. Over time, folks will get used to our lack of 24/7 availability, and the pressure will fade. We’ll also get used to prioritizing what we need to be true to show up fully and well in the world.

If this sounds like an impossible nightmare to you, no shade, and don’t stress. I’ve been there—and so have billions of other people. The great news is, we have the power to make healthy shifts in our lives and can start today. Remember that saying no to things that don’t light us up makes room for us to say yes to things that do.

PRACTICAL TIPS ON HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES AT WORK

• “I wouldn’t be able to give that project the time it needs and deserves, but let’s see if we can find another solution.”
• “Let’s revisit priorities and see if we can fit it in. What project can wait or be reassigned to make space for this one?”
• “I’m afraid I’m at capacity and can’t take that on.”
• “I have a conflict/commitment at that time.” (No one needs to know what these “commitments” are; they could be life- or work-related.)
• “I’m not available then, but here are a few times that would work.” (Only use this if you truly plan to fit it in in the future.)
• “I know someone else who may be interested.” (Use this if you do in fact know someone like this.)
• “I don’t have the capacity to take on social event planning in addition to my core work responsibilities.” (This one is for folks who get pushed into doing all the social glue stuff at work without pay, respect, or thanks. Sometimes doing this stuff is actually detrimental to your career, as it can lead to you not being seen as a leader but more like the “office mom.”)
• “No, thank you.”
• “No.”

Notice the words “I’m sorry” are nowhere to be found on this list. Do not apologize for living. It’s awkward for both you and them. Boundaries are healthy, necessary, and your responsibility to set, and there’s nothing wrong and everything right with doing it.

If you’re laughing and laughing because you know that no one, ever, in the history of your organization, has ever even thought of establishing a work boundary due to the certain punishment or firing it would trigger, you have three options:

1. Say nothing and allow the status quo to continue, knowing this workplace has no respect for your life, and burnout is all but inevitable.
2. Try boundary-setting and test your assumption. The response from your boss/coworkers might surprise you or it might not, but at least you’ll know for sure and can decide how to respond accordingly.
3. Start talking with trusted family, friends, colleagues, or a coach about making a change and figure out a new direction.

* * * * *

On that note, new directions are my wheelhouse and one of my superpowers is supporting clients as they bravely chart a new course out of “stuck, directionless, and overwhelmed” and into purpose, energy, and possibility. Book a free 20 minute call and let’s see how we might work together.

#burnout #burnoutrecovery #wellbeing #carahouser

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