Embrace the Talk Up and the Tee Up, and Other Actions for Allies

Each week, Karen Catlin shares five simple actions to create a more inclusive workplace and be a better ally.

1. Embrace the talk up and the tee up

I frequently coach women on how to increase their visibility at work, leveraging research from Catalyst Catalyst Inc. that found making achievements known is critical for women to advance their career.

Yet, when women talk about their accomplishments or engage in self-promoting activities, they can face a likeability penalty. Why? The behavior is deemed less attractive in women than in men.

This “Damned if you do, doomed if you don’t”* dilemma is a huge opportunity for better allies to make a difference. We can help address it with the talk up (talking about someone’s accomplishments or things we admire about them) and the tee up (like placing a golf ball on a tee so it’s ready to hit, this approach creates an opening for someone to talk, readying others to hear from them).

The talk up: “I can’t wait for Deepa’s project update. She’s the best at simplifying complex data into memorable nuggets. Who else will be there?”

The tee up: “Deepa, tell us about yesterday’s meeting where you totally crushed it.”

In an episode of Slate’s Well, Now podcast, the hosts Maya Feller MS, RD,CDN and and Kavita Patel MD explored these two strategies with Alison Fragale PhD about her new book, Likeable Badass: How Women Get the Success They Deserve.

Fragale explains that while the talk up is powerful, the tee up creates an opening for someone to respond and talk about a recent accomplishment. She points out that we don’t come across as self-promoting when we respond to someone’s question.

Consider how you can embrace the talk up and the tee up to help women and members of other underrepresented groups get more visibility and recognition. Also, realize that some people might be taken aback and need time to prepare an answer for your tee up, so think about who would benefit from this approach or how you might prep them so they’re ready.

*Many thanks to Catalyst for coining this phrase.

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2. Avoid digital blackface

A newsletter subscriber recently asked me, “Can light or white-skinned individuals use dark-skinned emojis? What would be considerate for all?”

What a good question.

There’s a concept called digital blackface, where white people use digital depictions of Black or brown people, especially for self-expression or self-representation. (Merriam-Webster) Examples include using dark-skinned emojis, GIFs featuring Black people, and digital filters that create caricatures with darkened skin tones.

This 90-second BBC video explores this topic and why it’s problematic. Believe me, it’s worth your time.

As the video explains, emojis or GIFs of Black people “aren’t here to make you look more sassy, sexy, or street.”

So, if you’re white, please consider why you want to post a particular GIF or use a dark-skinned emoji (or one that rotates through all the skin tones).

Personally, I use emojis similar to my skin color. Or yellow ones, which are designed to be neutral. (I recently learned they’re sometimes called the “Simpsons skin tone,” which made me laugh.)

3. Provide options at parties

With the end-of-year party season fast approaching, here are two suggestions for team or company-wide celebrations.

First, let’s make them inclusive and special for people who can’t or don’t drink alcohol. If there’s a budget for cocktails, premium wine, & craft beer, there’s money for more than just sodas. Think mocktails, kombucha, bubble tea, etc.

Secondly, be mindful of dietary restrictions. As I mentioned in a newsletter back in March, collect people’s dietary needs privately (and not in a shared doc that’s viewable by all).

And then ensure they’ll have a meal as satisfying as everyone else’s. I heard from a subscriber who is vegan. They’re always told they’ll have food at events, but sometimes they are given a very low-calorie salad or veggie wrap with cheese. They explained, “So, the option is a meal with very few calories, often meant to sustain me for a day-long event, or a meal I can’t eat.”

One last thing. For meals served to guests, newsletter subscriber Kelly Harris recommends working out a number system with the caterer for each dietary restriction. “That way, a person doesn’t have to display their restriction at the table, just a number.”

4. Use the mic (again)

Here’s a somewhat regular reminder to use the darn mic.

Newsletter subscriber Stacey wrote:

“I was at a conference last week, and as a hard-of-hearing person, my hearing aids are invaluable in helping me participate in learning and conversations. It was a challenge, however, when speakers opened the room to questions and didn’t enforce using the provided microphone to ask questions. I struggled to hear them. Even worse, when listening to a panel where the panelists shared a mic, they often didn’t actually use it, and I missed out on some of the content they were sharing.”

Stacey added:

“It was isolating to be left out when the solution was right there, unused, in the speaker’s lap.”

It’s easy to forget to use the mic when caught up in the discussion, but let’s make a conscious effort to use it, even if we think people can hear us without it. Doing so helps attendees with hearing loss and those using assistive listening devices. It also benefits sign language interpreters and close-captioners, especially those working remotely, as they rely on clear audio to accurately transcribe the proceedings.

5. Pay it forward

I hear from many of you that this newsletter is helping you become a better ally. That it’s your favorite email of the week. That you recommend it to colleagues and discuss it in team meetings. That you appreciate my guidance and humility. 🙏

It’s an honor to do this work, and I don’t ask for much in return. That said, I make a request at the end of each year: Please consider donating to Digital NEST , a non-profit organization I care about deeply.

Digital NEST offers free technology learning centers for Latinx and all underserved youth in areas surrounding Silicon Valley. The goal is to provide teens and young adults with the skills, network, and resources to launch their careers and soar. It’s impacted thousands of young people in the ten years since its founding.

As a board member of this organization, I’m excited about our plans to have an even more significant impact. To achieve our goals, we rely on financial support from donors. Whether someone gives a few dollars or thousands, each and every donation makes a difference.

If you’ve received some value from this newsletter over the past year, please consider paying it forward with a donation to Digital NEST. If you dedicate your gift in honor of me (Karen Catlin), I’ll send you a personalized thank you. (I’ll be notified that you made a donation, but not the amount of your gift.)

That’s all for now. Given the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday here in the U.S., I’m taking a break next week. “5 Ally Actions” will return to your inboxes on December 6.

— Karen Catlin (she/her), author of the Better Allies® book series

Copyright © 2024 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.

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