Embrace Your Fear.

Dateline: Chaweng Noi, Koh Samui, Thailand

It’s 4:30am and I’m sitting in a sprawling, open plan, cliffside villa, staring out in an inky abyss that will soon reveal itself as a picturesque coastal vista upon the rising of the sun. 

I should be happy. I’m living my best life. 

So why am I filled with dread?

If you’re like most ambitious people, you’ll probably know this feeling. 

The sense that no matter what you do, there’s always something that you haven’t done.

Something important. 

Something that could destroy everything that you’ve created. Like leaving for a holiday and wondering if you’ve left the oven on. 

The fear sets in. 

You see everything that you worked so hard for burning to the ground…

All because YOU didn’t do something. 

But here’s the thing. It’s almost always just made up. 

By you. 

By your brain. 

To make you feel anxious and scared. And even if it isn’t made up?

It probably doesn’t matter anyway. 

You see, we’re hardwired to think that we’re about to die. 

Thanks to the evolutionary programming of our amygdala, we’re roughly 2-3x more likely to see any situation, input, piece of information, as a threat. 

This was beneficial when we were wandering the savannah, and a simple rustling of a bush could mean instant death at the hands of a large predator..

But now?

When we’ve evolved ourselves and our society to have every possible chance of success, happiness, and comfort?

Hardly. 

So, then, what should you do?

Resign yourself to an emotional purgatory of fear and self doubt?

Well, I mean, I guess you could…

But maybe try to embrace your fear instead.

When we get ourselves into these states, we’re catastrophizing based on a whole bunch of imaginary, made up stuff. But, rather than trying to escape these thoughts, try leaning in. 

Ok, so, what if the thing you’re thinking about is true? 

What is the worst that could happen?

No, no, I mean it. 

Follow the thought.

If everything you are afraid of were to come true, then what?

And then what would happen after that? And what if that went as bad as possible?

What if you followed a series of worst case scenarios, where would you end up?

Now, if you follow everything to its worst possible scenario enough times, it almost always ends in death.

But, if you take a couple of steps back up this imaginary sequence of unfortunate events, what would it look like?

Maybe you have lost all your money. 

Maybe you’ve lost your relationships. 

Maybe you’ve lost your home.

Maybe something else. 

Which, of course, is not what you want. 

But, would you survive?

Would you, ambitious, powerful you, have learned a whole bunch of lessons that you could apply to the next chapter of your life?

Would you find a way to turn shit into diamonds and make the best of your situation?

Of course you would. Because you’re strong, and powerful, and determined. That’s what got you to where you are today. 

So, you have nothing to be afraid of.

And, given that nothing has actually happened yet, you have nothing to mourn. 

Ask yourself, what is the actual probability of this “worst case scenario” actually happening?

Because, remember, you’re strong, and powerful, and determined.

The likelihood that you’d be a passenger whilst everything collapsed around you is slim.

You’d probably find a way to put a wedge in a door at some point, and take control.

Which basically all points to the fact that you have nothing really to worry about. 

Now, to be clear…

I am NOT suggesting that you don’t need to do the work.

And that if a challenge arises you should let the seas of circumstance wash you away to some undesired destination and be happy with it. 

Oh, no, no. 

In fact, the opposite. 

You see, the issue we face is that so often, our emotions, our fears about made up shit, immobilise us. 

They cause us to miss out on the beauty of the now, because we’re too busy wallowing in an imaginary hell. 

They blanket us with a feeling of helplessness, rendering us unable to make pragmatic, reality based decisions. 

They don’t serve us. 

And so, if you can help yourself to understand that you have nothing to be afraid of, then you can actually make better decisions now, and embrace the present moment (even if it feels challenging). 

Which means you can focus on doing the right things.

The things that will move the needle the most in your life. 

And not just focus on the things that are making the most emotional noise. 

So, I encourage you to walk into the flames, replete with the knowledge that you can never be burned.

That no matter what situation unfolds, you possess all the power, skill, cunning and chutzpah to rise up, overcome and succeed.And use this knowledge to embrace the moment. 

To celebrate wherever you are now, whatever is happening in your life, as just another chapter in the epic story of you.