Embracing & accepting all aspects of the past and taking full responsibility for the future

Changes are never easy. Well, for many of us they are not. Especially when it involves going down on a path where we have never been before and where other people in our environment also didn’t set foot before. It takes courage & confidence in our own self, or at least in faith in something bigger than us. It also takes getting to a point in our lives, when we realise, whatever situation the change will lead to, it cannot be any worse than the situation right now.

This article is inspired by a friend who chose to set up for an adventure that will hopingly change his life forever. While speaking with him just recently I realised how sceptical he was about achieving his goal – to be able to transit to new phase of his life, where he finally feels happy, content and fulfilled.

I was always a believer of change when it came to my happiness. I was either unstoppable to change the current situation that made me unhappy, or I just simply closed the door behind me and moved on. For me, complaining is a no-go. Complaining is actually something that you can drive me crazy with. Of course, there are times when we feel awful about certain things and we need to get them out of our system by talking about them, but that should not last long without actually doing something about it.

Having the feeling that my life was put on hold for many long years – not because I wanted to put it on hold, but because I made decisions that resulted in that without me realising it or even be able to influence it – made me appreciate life and time more. In this video Candy Chang explains how the death of her Mother put life for her into a completely new perspective – a video that I would encourage anyone to take six minutes with to watch. I find it simply inspiring and beautiful. I personally also figured out that every minute counts and there are so many moments throughout the day that are there for us to appreciate. When I will be old, and I look back, I would like to have a smile on my face and be able to say that I did everything I could to live a happy and fulfilled life. From my personal perspective there are five key "tricks" to achieve that:

Coming to terms with the past

Many of us most probably could write a never-ending list of explaining why we got to the situation where we are right now, and why we are unhappy and frustrated with certain aspect of our lives. It can be anything, including genetics, our childhood & the way we were brought up, people and groups that we had any business to do with, our jobs, bosses, colleagues … you name it! Our life gets influenced by numerous factors, that’s right, and when we are not satisfied, we need to take our time and sit down to think what factors led us to be to that current state. Everything has its reasons. Understanding why things happened or why people behaved in certain ways will help a lot not only in coming to terms with situations and people, but also in the feeling of self-love. You will understand your own behaviour and decision better, which will help you to know yourself better and develop further.   

 Start making yourself responsible for your life and future

Coming to terms with the past will help you to accept your mistakes as well as that of the others. Accepting in this sense also means moving on. Start taking your life into your hands and realising how you can influence people and happenings in your life. Starting to have goals & plans that you actually work towards. As well as having deadlines and start making yourself responsible for meeting them. There will be always certain things standing on your path that may derail you, but it is your responsibility to find alternative ways to overcome those challenges and obstacles. Stop living your life in the conditional tense - that can give you the feeling of unfulfillment not only in the moment itself, but also in the future too when you look back. 

 Cutting cords if necessary

We all change and mature, and sometimes we find that places, circumstances and even people are not any more in line with our lives and values. This is where it gets tricky - cutting cords and moving on and letting places, organisations, and people become part of your past, but not your future. These are decisions that not everyone will understand. And once you make such a decision and stick to it, you will never be the same person again. But that, of course, is supposed to be for the better good – to a new phase of your life, that you feel happy with.

Having the right attitude and fire

It is said that health is the most important thing in our lives. I would never question that. Nevertheless, in certain cases it is not something that we can influence. We can do many things to keep ourselves healthy, both mentally and physically, but sometimes genetics will not be on our side. This is when understanding and acceptance comes into play again, accompanied with the right attitude, meaning positivity and fire. I don’t say it is always possible to stay positive and hopeful – I know that too bad; but these two key things can certainly help you out from some dark valleys of your life – and that I know too bad too. But if you are one of those people who have that incredible inner fire (and I am sure we can all find that fire inside if we have the right attitude), do not ever let anything or anyone to put it out. There will be challenges along the way that will distract you from going straight; but don’t forget, there are actually no straight lines in life, and not even shortcuts, but that is exactly what makes it all so beautiful, exciting and fulfilling – which, in fact, takes me to my last point.

 Appreciating the moments

We tend to get sucked into our daily routines and duties and pass by moments that could put a smile on our face every day. There were times when I also felt absolutely horrible about my life and myself and even if I was to put on the most amazing spot in the universe, I would have not been able to see any beauty around me. With time however, I learnt how much it means for me personally, to start going around with open eyes and ears and realising the good things that life offers for us. Be that a cup of coffee that we enjoy for ten whole minutes on the balcony or in a café without staring at our phones, noticing an old couple holding hand at the train station, a rose hanging out from someone’s backpack, or a warm smile that we receive from the cashier in the local kiosk. All of which may sound cheesy at some extent, but for me contribute to a better day and I can only encourage you to look out for these small things in your everyday life too.