Embracing Uncertainty: The Practice of Being Okay with Not Knowing

Here in the Pacific Northwest, autumn unfolds like a canvas of color, light, and atmosphere. Schedules change and energies shift along with the seasons, as we each move through cycles of our own.

And I’m speaking from experience right now; empty nesting, relocating from Oregon to Santa Cruz, publishing a new book (literally!), and preparing to start over. All the while experiencing the everyday challenges that hold the potential to derail my plans.

This is the nature of change, I tell myself, yet this reminder isn’t always enough to keep emotions quiet. So I keep my commitments to practice each morning, stay connected with (amazing) friends and colleagues, and remind myself that it's okay not to know.

Each season of life brings its own lessons, and in adapting to these shifts, we discover the vibrant hues of our evolving selves. But change requires letting go, and for most of us, that’s the hardest part!

It feels risky to move into the unknown, and uncertainty can make one feel lost and alone. Yet as isolating as it feels, this is a natural response to the loss associated with change. Some call it grief.

But here’s the thing about grief. It’s a normal response, designed to naturally fade over time. Unless we get hooked into a story of regret or guilt, which keeps coming back to haunt us long after the event has passed. As Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor reminds us, the chemical component of emotions other than grief only lasts 90 seconds. But our mental replay can invoke these same feelings for SO much longer.

This is where tuning into your internal signals, as opposed to defaulting back to judgment (defense) mode, is helpful in responding effectively. The practice of recognizing and naming your emotions makes it easier to take a step back and see, say, your subconscious need for approval/being right/winning/victimhood/add your own here... for example, for what it is.

It's why developing greater self-awareness is so important in building real connections. Because when you’re aware of your triggers, you’re able to intercept those reactive feelings and let them go in order to make room for a healthier response.

In my case, with a move pending, my life is shifting forever. That's a bittersweet thought, but I get to decide which piece to highlight.

Fortunately, my work is all about healing, and I lean heavily on my tools. Breathwork, walks in nature, super nourishing food and connection with amazing people create a solid foundation for staying afloat during bouts of sadness at leaving friends and places I’ve grown to love.

It takes darkness to know light. And the self-awareness to refuse the temptation to fall into feeling lost and alone when uncertainty overwhelms you. It's okay not to know, in fact, it's normal. With practice, you can learn to redirect your self-talk in a way that makes you feel better by bringing you into the here and now.

Here is one of my ways to shift your brain out of replay mode, whether it's predicting the future or regretting the past. And the amazing part is how simple it is!

1.    Look up. Wherever you are, just look up and see what you notice. If you’re outdoors, notice the trees, the clouds, the rooftops. If you’re inside notice the ceiling, the light, the artwork that catches your eye. It’s an instant shift in perspective.

2.    Drop your shoulders, straighten your spine

3.    Breathe in through your nose to a slow count of four as you let your breath push your belly away from your spine.

4.    Exhale for six, drawing belly to spine, and repeat for at least 5 rounds. You may silently (or otherwise) repeat the phrase, It's okay not to know, or I'm letting this go, or whatever resonates with you.

Or try one of my old standbys; the 2 part sigh.

Whether you're early in the contemplation stage or enmeshed in life transition, practicing active self-awareness brings you back to the present, where it's okay not to know. Trust in yourself, and your vision to guide you safely through the ups and downs of your journey.

To new adventures!

Elizabeth

About the Author

Elizabeth Borelli has spent the last 15 years looking for answers to creating sustainable habit change. Her findings have taken her from nutrition to movement and breathwork, and as she continues by earning her master’s degree in organizational leadership, the pieces have all come together. Knowing better can lead to doing better, by learning to recognize and manage the ongoing mind-body conversation, rather than letting your thoughts control you.

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