Emotional Endeavours.

As I fast approach the end of my first year as a PhD candidate, I decided to reflect on my journey so far by writing another blog.

To start, I will give you some context: in 2022-2023, approximately 4900 people in the UK embarked on a PhD[1]. Less than 5000 people from a population of roughly 67 million[2] is not a huge number, so I am guessing the topic doesn't come up much at dinner parties (Not that I'd know, as I've never been to a dinner party. Do people even have dinner parties anymore? That sounds like a good PhD topic. 'The Demise of the Dinner Party in 21st Century Western Society.'), but if you're interested in gaining an insight into the world I am currently inhabiting, all you have to do is pop PhD into the search of your social media channel of choice. Once the search returns its result, you will be presented with a series of posts, many of which bemoan how horrendous the process can be.

As you can imagine, I look at a lot of PhD-related content online to connect with others on the same path (observing would be a better word here, as I never actually communicate with any content creators). Usually, as I scroll, my mood drops because if I sum up the content's overarching vibe, it seems to be emotionally turbulent with a negative twist. Even those creators who have completed the PhD seem to reflect with an air of "Thank goodness, that's over!" Not so much "Yay, I did it!"

I consider the narrative in relation to my journey so far. Full disclaimer here: I am only one year into a six-year programme, and already, I have found it challenging, but while I can't (yet, perhaps) align with the horrendous, I can recognise the oddly comforting turbulent emotions like they are familiar friends.

 But how can that be the case?

Those of you who know me will know I am a very emotionally expressive person. I wear it on my sleeve. Over the last few years, specifically the seven years I have been running my own business, I feel as if my sleeve could have become a patchwork of emotional milestone badges, a bit like the kind the sporty kids would be awarded for doing 25m backstroke and then have sewn on their swimming costumes, except my badges wouldn't be for positive achievements (I can hear the teacher now: "Could everyone give Emily a cheer as she has achieved gold in emotional angst!"

Ooft, emotional turbulence is the 'every day' with work, but I didn't see the correlation with the PhD and my ‘comfort’ with the process.

Then, last week, as part of my PhD research, I stumbled upon a journal article (if any of my supervisors are reading this, I didn't stumble; I found the article[3] as part of a meticulous research plan) that discussed the emotional challenges of being an entrepreneur and as I read, it started to make sense.

Using the J-Curve model of the Entrepreneurial Life Cycle with Idea, Prototype (Death Valley), Start-up, Early Growth, Expansion and Maturity as critical stages, the article then aligns the emotions most expressed by entrepreneurs during these stages. The list is long, and of the eighteen emotions, only four are positive, while the others are:

·   Loss of work-life balance

·   "I'm not good enough" feeling

·   Fear of failure

·   Worry

·   Loss of drive

·   Shame

·   Nervousness

·   Guilt

·   Uncertainty

·   Fear of success

·   Excess worry

·   Financial worry

·   Uncertainty in making decisions

·   Fear of losing control

·   Amplified narcissistic personality disorder

Based on the list, it is a wonder anyone embarks on an entrepreneurial adventure because, as noted in the article, there are 'daunting emotional challenges confronting entrepreneurs as they navigate their entrepreneurial journey.' And this is based on a J-Curve that reflects success as an entrepreneur!

Entrepreneurship is a tough gig, but if you ask any PhD candidate if they could identify with any of these emotions, they would say yes! Each emotion is mentioned with a high degree of regularity whether you watch or listen to content online or speak with candidates face-to-face. PhD is a tough gig, too.

However, emotional responses are something that you can learn from and build resilience to, so for me, one of the silver linings to come from the last seven years is that I have essentially built resilience that enables me to feel emotions and acknowledge that what I am feeling is normal, knowing I will work through it. The emotions I have experienced through my entrepreneurial journey have prepared me for my PhD journey in a way I could never have foreseen.

And why should it matter that emotional turmoil is inherent in the entrepreneurial and PhD journeys?

Entrepreneurship and PhD impact goes beyond the individual (Exhibit A: Emily). As a society, we look to entrepreneurialism as a means of economic development and increasing social mobility. As a species, we look to PhD research to create new knowledge to be used to better the world for ourselves and the generations that will follow us. It's a bit profound but absolutely badge-worthy.

[1] www.timeshighereducation.com

[2] www.ons.gov.uk

[3] Emotional skills for entrepreneurial success: the promise of entrepreneurship education and policy. Aly et al. 2021