Emotions: a difficult subject these days

A couple of weeks ago something special happened to me. A friend of mine turned 55 years old and invited 7 women to dinner, who have been important in her life... including me. 

That night with these women, who, by the way, almost all of them didn't know each other, was special... 

Why?

Well, first of all, stories of life, all different and intense... The anecdotes of how we entered our friend's life are also special. All strong women, with a big heart. We talked about our society, humanity, and despite very different opinions, we all had one thought in common. The time has come for us to realise that tolerance and respect for others and their opinions, even in difficult times, are precious assets and that we must evolve as people in these times of general change. With Covid-19 humanity is like ground coffee that swirls in the cup and cannot sediment itself (a metaphor of a lady present at dinner). 

Why can't we respect the opinions of others and accept people in their diversity? Equal what features, opinions or fears do they have.

It is a good question I find, to which it is not easy to give an answer. On the one hand, it is right to have one's own opinion, but on the other hand, it is right to respect those in front of us. Why is it so difficult that different realities/opinions can coexist at the same time?

Changing the theme...

Forgive my leap of thought, but you will see that in the end, the speech will hopefully make sense.

Some time ago, in July 2020, Pro Mente Sana and the Swiss German cantons published an exploratory study called "The Atlas of Emotions". The aim of this study was to catalogue the spectrum of emotions of the Swiss German population. 9000 people participated, giving their feedback on 46 emotions.

(https://www.wie-gehts-dir.ch/assets/images/contentImages/Wie_gehts_dir_Atlas_der_Emotionen.pdf). German Version.

The study also aimed to see whether in the Covid-19 crisis some emotions gained importance and others became less important, and/or whether specific emotions were more present in phases of stability or change.

Let's say that the most important results are the following (parts taken from the study):

"The analysis of 46 feelings among more than 9000 people shows that "love", "joy" and "security" are the emotions assessed most positively by the population of German-speaking Switzerland, while "contempt", "desperation" and "being hopeless" are those assessed most negatively. On the contrary, there are hardly any emotions that are evaluated neutrally".

"The ranking of "most frequent emotions" expresses a positive basic trend in the German-speaking part of the Swiss population, despite the Corona-Virus situation. An average of 14.3 emotions currently plays an important role for people. However, the emotional spectrum narrows with increasing age. This is in line with the fact that older people see themselves in a stable and uniform living situation much more often than younger people".

"The paradox of the Coronavirus crisis.

In the second half of May 2020, when the survey was conducted for this study, almost half of the respondents said that the pandemic crisis had a negative impact on their mood. Only 22 percent said it had a positive effect. What is striking, however, is that people who consider themselves to be in a stable living situation have felt a negative effect on their mood much less often than others. If you do not ask about the general mood situation, but about individual feelings, a slightly different picture emerges. If respondents list the feelings that have gained importance with the crisis, these are more positive than negative. The feeling of "gratitude" stands out in a particular way. Although the crisis has led to uncertainty, it has apparently also created a deeper awareness of one's privileged situation. It is interesting to note that the crisis, which has directly affected everyone, has broadened the emotional spectrum of people in Switzerland. The crisis, which has questioned more than anything else in recent decades, has created an enormous need for discussion and has therefore also intensified people's emotional experience. In a way, the new coronavirus has contributed to a cure for emotional rejuvenation, at least in Switzerland".

"In this country, people prefer to talk about their feelings when they feel "admiration" or "pride", but find it more difficult to talk about "despair" and "shame". These are exclusively negative feelings, which people do not like to talk about. Moreover, many negative emotions remain hidden. Respondents also commented that people around them do not like to talk about these negative feelings, and therefore they do not dare to talk about them either. In addition to "despair", "loneliness" stands out as an invisible feeling".

For more results and details, I recommend you to read the whole study on the website already mentioned. Now let's put my two thoughts together... that of my experience at that dinner and this study.

I believe that this phase of global change has the potential to make us evolve. To realize who we are, what we feel, what is important to us, but also how to interact with others and, how to try to find together suitable solutions for the ever-changing community. The hitch lies in the fact that we are not used to perceiving and expressing our emotions in a differentiated way. If we are already struggling ourselves, how can we fully understand our neighbour and interact properly?

In addition, negative emotions, either for cultural reasons or for fear of not being understood, are often hidden (loneliness, depression, etc.) or explode (anger, for example) in situations where we feel limited by others or attacked in our opinions, and therefore in our being ourselves.

So it is better to avoid the subject and bury our emotions and those we perceive in others? The answer is no on my part.

A varied spectrum of emotions is a resource for the human being. In my opinion, it is a matter of starting to perceive, to nomenclate and, to express our emotions in an adequate way, and to know how to listen, respect and, interact correctly at the same time with the emotions of others. Only then will we be able to look constructively for solutions to the extremely complex problems of an insecure society in so many ambiguous and unpredictable situations. 

Non-predictability and insecurity put us in a state of perennial alert, where reason is outclassed by survival instincts, and where negative emotions can lead us to unusual behaviour. Important decisions, even at work, risk not being taken, or taken too defensively or too aggressively. Opinions of others may no longer be respected because they could have negative consequences for our "survival". 

Does this sound familiar...fight, flight, or freeze...? To me it does. As a person with a somewhat complex autobiography, I know what it means to feel the need to fight, flight, or freeze in certain life situations. The only way to feel better is to learn to understand what emotions come from where, how I can live with them, and if possible, how I can slowly transform them into a positive resource for me and others.

Hand on heart. How many families, how many company teams, are fighting within them at the moment with different and contrasting emotions, which lead them to discrepancies in union, values, or goals, and ultimately to perhaps suboptimal decisions? 

As I said, this is a very personal thought of mine. In my opinion, the taboo of "talking about emotions", of asking and listening carefully to how our neighbour is, of having the courage to recognise and express our own emotions, can be demystified in our daily life. If we succeed, this could lead to a better knowledge of ourselves and perhaps to new possibilities to work and live better together in this VUCA world.

Your Corina

CRC Coaching GmbH

E-mail: info@crccoaching.ch

Homepage: www.crccoaching.ch