Emotions at work: Why we must stop pretending they don't exsist.

My week started with coaching some incredible women leaders, one of whom shared a challenge that resonated deeply. She described herself as an emotional person and admitted she often worked hard to hide her feelings because they weren’t considered “professional” in her industry.

Her words left me reflecting on how, in the workplace, emotions are so often tiptoed around, labelled as unhelpful, or even outright dismissed. Certain expressions of emotion, like tears, are treated as completely taboo.

It reminded me of a large organisation I once worked with that requested I remove the word “feeling” from a leadership program I’d designed for them. Their reasoning? “Emotions don’t have a place here.”

But here’s the thing: any organisation is a collection of human beings. So when I hear a statement like that, I’m left wondering - can we really afford to leave our humanity at the door when we walk into work?

Many corporates cling to the outdated belief that professionalism means suppressing or excluding emotions. Yet emotions are an inseparable part of who we are as human beings. We can try to ignore them, but they’re always present, shaping our thoughts, decisions, and interactions.

So why is it that in some workplaces, emotions are persistently treated as unprofessional? And why, when emotions show up, are they judged differently based on gender?

The Myth of the 'Emotion-Free' workplace

The idea that work should be emotion-free is a myth. Research shows that emotions influence everything from decision-making to collaboration (Lerner et al., 2015).

Emotions act as an internal compass, signalling when things are working well or not. Positive emotions like joy, contentment, and feeling grounded indicate our needs are being met. In contrast, emotions like anxiety, anger, or distress suggest that something isn’t right and needs attention.

When organisations dismiss or suppress these signals, they miss vital insights that could lead to better decisions and solutions. A workplace that doesn’t provide a safe space for emotions is effectively cutting itself off from a critical source of feedback.

Gendered stereotypes around emotions

Here’s where it gets even trickier: not all emotions are treated equally.

Women, for example, are often stereotyped as being “too emotional.” Tears at work are frequently seen as a sign of weakness, and vulnerability is often misinterpreted as a lack of resilience. I’ve coached women who’ve apologised for crying as if their humanity was something to hide.

Men, on the other hand, are just as emotional but their expressions tend to be viewed differently. Anger, dominance, or even desk-thumping are often reframed as “passion” or “assertiveness.” It’s still emotion; it’s just packaged in a way society deems more acceptable.

This double standard doesn’t serve anyone. Women feel pressure to suppress their emotions to be taken seriously, while men are often pushed to channel their emotions into aggression or risk being perceived as weak.

The cost of emotional suppression

When organisations rank certain emotions as more acceptable than others or dismiss them altogether they miss out on the nuanced insights emotions can offer.

Emotions are data. They reveal what matters, where something isn’t working, and when it’s time to adjust. Ignoring them doesn’t make them disappear; it just drives them underground. When people feel unheard, stressed, or disconnected, these emotions manifest in subtle but destructive ways: disengagement, passive aggression, or burnout.

Great leaders understand this. They don’t fear emotions they work with them. They create environments where team members feel safe expressing themselves and where emotional intelligence is valued just as much as technical expertise.

The case for emotional authenticity

Acknowledging emotions doesn’t mean letting them take over. It means recognising their presence, understanding their impact, and using them constructively.

• Tears can signify deep commitment or frustration that needs addressing.
• Anger can spotlight systemic issues, such as unrealistic workloads causing widespread stress.
• Vulnerability can build trust and foster deeper connections.

Imagine a workplace where emotions aren’t seen as liabilities but as assets, where leaders ask, “What’s behind this feeling?” instead of dismissing it outright.

This shift starts when we stop to explore the root cause of an emotion. It uncovers insights that can transform how an organisation functions, improving everything from processes to morale.

For instance, consider a team where anger surfaces because employees feel overwhelmed by an unrealistic workload. By acknowledging the emotion and investigating its source, leaders could identify a need for better resource allocation or workload distribution. This will lead to a healthier, more productive team.

Let’s redefine professionalism

It’s time to challenge the outdated notion that emotions don’t belong in the workplace. They do—because people do.

If we truly want inclusive, human-centred workplaces, we must embrace the potential that emotions offer. By engaging with and understanding them, we can create environments where people connect authentically and work together more effectively.

So the next time someone says, “Emotions don’t belong here,” ask them: can we really afford to leave our humanity behind?

What are your thoughts and experiences on this topic?

Do share in the comments I would love to know.