EQ Simplified: All About the 4Ds and 4Ls

Gravity, the powerful force that keeps us grounded to the earth, is a principle that has always existed and while Isaac Newton didn’t discover it, he did name it and explained how gravity works. Another powerful force that helps to keep you grounded is emotional intelligence. Also known as EQ, emotional intelligence allows you to stay anchored in the present and focused on your mind and body where you feel your emotions. 

We owe the theory of emotional intelligence to professors Peter Salovey and John Mayer who first defined it in 1990 as “the ability to engage in sophisticated information processing about one's own and others' emotions and to use this information as a guide to thinking and behaviour.” Daniel Goleman further advanced the theory, adding that emotional intelligence is the ability to become more self-aware, regulate one’s moods and motivation, and develop empathy and social skills. After publishing his book on the topic, Goleman elevated EQ as a human skill, arguably more vital for survival than IQ. 

Practice and progress over perfection         

Because EQ is a learned skill, like learning to play basketball or ride a bike, you get better at it with more practice. But learning about EQ shouldn’t be complex and getting better at developing it should be a goal we work towards daily. That’s why I developed the 4Ds and 4Ls, to simplify the process of increasing your emotional intelligence and help you develop greater clarity and autonomy in your life.  

The 4Ds and 4Ls help you move from a state of dependence or self-awareness to independence or self-mastery, and then finally to a state of interdependence where you are working and thriving with others. The 4Ds and 4Ls enable you to harness the necessary emotions required to cultivate productivity and build positive relationships. They also help you discover techniques for raising your EQ by becoming more self-aware, exercising emotional self-control, understanding and managing your triggers, and developing empathy. With this knowledge, you can take action and build awareness of others, and become a more inspiring and effective individual and leader in your workplace and community. 

"Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.” ― Rumi         

By now you may be wondering what are the 4Ds and the 4Ls? 

The process starts with Diagnose, the stage of dependence that is all about introspecting on your values and who you are. Through ongoing reflection, you learn to assess your behaviours and what you would like to change, identify your triggers, and how you react to people and situations.   

What then follows is a process where you Determine the accuracy of your diagnosis by validating it through real-world experiences and whether you respond to people and situations or simply react impulsively without pausing for thought on a better course of action. 

Next, you Develop a plan, identifying why you are doing it and how and when you are going to accomplish it.  

Finally, no knowledge is valuable unless you put it into action, so as the swoosh implies, just Do it! Doing is the process of changing your behaviours and getting things done, which correlates to moving into a state of independence. 

Now let’s learn about the 4Ls starting with Listening, the single most important tool for discovering others. In the same way that you diagnosed yourself by introspecting consciously and with intent, you need to listen empathetically so you more than just hear the words others share and can first seek to understand rather than be understood. Effective listening means paying attention and responding when necessary to the other person, not merely replying. As you learn about the other individual, you start moving towards a state of independence with them. 

When you listen, intuitively you Learn, you get to know what motivates a person, what stresses them out and how they respond to various stimuli in their professional and personal lives. 

Learning about others' needs, what makes them tick and what ticks them off, ultimately allows you to care about them, and that takes us to the third L, Love, which is about accepting others rather than simply tolerating them. Love is about having respect for everyone and their perspectives, recognizing that while diversity is a fact, inclusion is a choice you make to ensure everyone feels like they belong. 

When you move into this state of interdependence, you transition into an individual who involves others and can use your influence to bring them on board with your vision, inspiring them to strive to become better versions of themselves.  

That leads to our fourth L, Lead. When you lead with love, empathy, and compassion, you respond to the individual’s needs, you can be of service to them, encouraging them to accelerate their growth and to gain greater confidence on their leadership journey. 

In conclusion, the 4Ds and the 4Ls help you sharpen your emotional intelligence to become a more resilient individual, and develop a greater sense of awareness of yourself and others. With that heightened awareness, you can lead from the heart, and connect with others to build resilient communities where we all belong and thrive, something we need now more than ever. As Oprah eloquently articulated in her virtual address to the graduating class of 2020, we need “a more evolved, normal world, more just, kind, beautiful, tender, luminous, creative, whole.” 

So you and I may not have discovered gravity, the great force that keeps us grounded on the earth, but we can intentionally develop our emotional intelligence with every action to become kinder, more aware and loving individuals. And that is a great force that will keep us grounded.  

Ask me how I can help you develop your emotional intelligence using the 4Ds and 4Ls. With the Leading with Clarity roadmap, I will help you develop healthy systems to lead with more clarity and purpose in your life. If you would like to learn more, drop me a note in the DM and let's talk about real and impactful change in your life today.

#emotionalintelligence #selfawareness #clarity