Escaping Thoracic Park, or What I Learnt from Open Heart Surgery

Four weeks ago, my life took an unexpected turn. My partner, at just 39 years old, suddenly needed quadruple bypass surgery. While we'd anticipated a possible angiogram and stent, open heart surgery blindsided us completely. One moment we were planning our future; the next, I was pacing hospital corridors, discussing cardiothoracics, and falling into dark internet research holes at night. Of course, this pales in comparison to what he's endured.

My partner's strength, bravery, resilience, pain management, and ability to withstand anything that is thrown at him has been truly inspirational. I cannot put into words how proud I am of him and the way he has held himself through this whole process.

This rollercoaster of emotions and responsibilities has reshaped my perspective on so many things. But first, let me give you the basics...

My partner had multiple blocked arteries, with the main LAD (ominously nicknamed 'The Widow Maker') 90% blocked. He needed his internal thoracic artery, the artery in his left wrist, and a vein from his right shin for a quadruple bypass.

Your People are Your Lifeline

In those first harrowing days, and the weeks that followed, I felt like I was drowning. But then, my people showed up. Friends appeared with home-cooked meals and words of encouragement. His parents were here in a flash, standing by my side at the hospital. Colleagues stepped up without hesitation, offering advice and taking whatever they could off my plate. This outpouring of support highlighted the true value of the relationships we nurture. The people you surround yourself with can be your anchor in the stormiest seas.

Work-wise, I was lucky enough to be part of an organisation that genuinely puts people first. My boss rang me every morning just to chat, having been through a similar situation in her family. Her perfect timing was uncanny, like when she messaged, "I love you, but stop hovering" just as I was doing exactly that when my partner got home.

I was given the freedom to work when I wanted (oddly, my coping mechanism) and told to stop when I should have. Senior stakeholders checked in on me, despite obviously having far more important things to do. One even told me not to do something I'd added to my list, saying, "Unlike your partner, we aren't doing open heart surgery".

My advice? If your workplace doesn't support you like this in a crisis, you're in the wrong place.

As for friends, where do I start? From flower deliveries to home cooked meals to daily check ins to ‘Do you want to come over and get drunk or watch My Girl and cry?’. Surround yourself with people that fuel you, not energy vampires. Know your worth.  

Embracing the Messy, Beautiful Middle

There's no handbook for supporting your partner through major heart surgery. I found myself navigating a maze of medication schedules, transportation, and emotional support. Some days felt triumphant - that first walk around the block was our personal marathon. Other days were valleys of setbacks and frustration (look up 'Cardiac Blues' - they're real and present). I learned to embrace this "messy middle" - the space between crisis and recovery where progress isn't linear. It further developed my patience, flexibility, and the art of celebrating tiny victories.

This mindset has seeped into other areas of my life. I'm learning to appreciate the journey, not just the destination. Whether it's a creative project hitting snags or a personal goal taking longer than expected, I'm finding value in the process, embracing the mess and all

Trust Your Instincts - They're Whispering Important Truths

Looking back, there were subtle signs. My partner was unusually fatigued, occasionally short of breath. He, and I, dismissed it as anxiety or lack of exercise. But a persistent whisper in his gut told him to dig deeper. The day the (good, not money-hungry) cardiologist told my partner to present at emergency saved his life. His condition was far more critical than we'd imagined, and even a short delay could have been catastrophic.

This experience further developed my power of intuition. How often do we silence that inner voice, fearing we're being paranoid? Now, I'm honouring those instincts. Whether it's a hunch about a mate in need or a gut feeling about a major life decision, I'm giving my intuition the respect it deserves.

Redefining Strength Through Vulnerability

Watching my partner – the person I love more than anything and who I never want to see in ICU again – grapple with physical limitations and raw emotions was eye-opening. I witnessed firsthand how true strength often lies in admitting vulnerability, in being open about struggles.

This experience has made me reevaluate my own notions of strength. I'm learning that it's not only okay but vital to admit when I'm struggling, to ask for help when I need it. Vulnerability, I've realised, is not a weakness but a powerful tool for connection and growth. I have done a lot of work on myself in the past and will always fly the flag of self-care and mental health, but learn to take it one step further.

I'm bringing this lesson into all aspects of my life. By sharing my own vulnerabilities, I've found it creates a safe space for others to do the same, fostering deeper, more authentic relationships.

The Profound Power of Presence

During endless hospital hours and weeks of home recovery, I have strengthened the immeasurable value of simply being present. Often, there were no right words or perfect actions. Just being there - fully present and available - was enough. There was nowhere else I would rather be. Be present. Show up for others. Work on being a better listener. Resist the urge to immediately offer solutions. One of the greatest gifts we can give is our undivided attention and empathy.

Gratitude as a Life-Changing Practice

When you brush against the possibility of losing someone you love, it shifts your entire perspective. Suddenly, petty annoyances that used to consume me seemed laughably trivial. I found myself awash in gratitude - for skilled doctors, for each day with my partner, for the kindness of our community.

I'm not the type to start a daily gratitude journal, but it's important to take a moment to reflect on what you're thankful for. It's astounding how this simple act can transform your outlook. Even on the toughest days, finding something to appreciate helps maintain a more grounded, positive mindset.

Embracing Life's Unexpected Turns

This journey has been incredibly challenging, but it has also been transformative. It's revealed depths of strength I didn't know I possessed, illuminated the power of community, and underscored the importance of cherishing every moment with those we love.

I share these reflections not as someone who has it all figured out, but as a fellow traveller on life's unpredictable path. If you're facing your own unexpected challenge, know that you're not alone. There's growth, wisdom, and even beauty to be found in the darkest times.

As for me, I'm hugging my partner a little tighter these days (but also very gently because of the scars and cut open sternum), expressing love even more freely to friends and family, and approaching each day with a newfound appreciation for the gift it truly is. Life is precious, unpredictable, and beautiful in its complexity. It has so much to teach us to help us become better versions of ourselves.