Expectations

There’s a common admonition to not place expectations on people – especially while in close relationships. After all, those expectations belong solely to you and therefore no fault can be laid on others if they don’t meet your expectations. Or vice versa.

While it’s true that harboring unrealistic and demanding expectations can lead to conflict, it’s equally important to recognize that certain fundamental characteristics are essential for nurturing healthy relationships. There are some expectations that are reasonable and even necessary for relationships of any kind to be healthy.

What should we expect?

Honesty, respect, integrity, reciprocity, and common courtesy stand as cornerstones upon which genuine and lasting connections are built. Striking a balance between having realistic expectations and avoiding unreasonable demands is key to fostering emotional connection and mutual growth.

Honesty

Honesty, often cited as the bedrock of any strong relationship, is a value that should be upheld without compromise. It goes beyond mere truth-telling; it encompasses vulnerability, transparency, and open communication. Expecting honesty in a relationship is not an imposition; it's an acknowledgment of the mutual trust required to create a safe space where both parties can share their thoughts, fears, and aspirations. If your friend, partner, or significant other is dishonest with you, it can erode trust and lead to resentment. It can also be very damaging to your self-esteem. If you feel you are in a close relationship with someone you believe is dishonest, it's important to talk to them about it. If they're not willing to change – or perhaps even defend their “honesty” – you may need to end the relationship.

Respect

Respect, another crucial element, manifests as the recognition and acceptance of each other's uniqueness and individuality. It involves actively valuing boundaries, opinions, and choices – even if you don't agree with them. While all relationships may naturally evolve and change over time, the expectation of ongoing respect should remain steadfast. This mutual regard ensures that disagreements are approached with sensitivity and differences are embraced rather than exploited or disregarded. You need to respect the other party's feelings, opinions, and boundaries just as they need to respect yours. You also need to respect yourself. If you don't respect yourself, it will be difficult to expect others to respect you.

Integrity

Integrity is often seen as the alignment between one's words and actions. It’s a trait that fortifies the foundation of any partnership. Expecting integrity from those in your close circle means anticipating that promises will be kept, commitments honored, and ethical decisions made.

When integrity is upheld, people can rely on each other's reliability and trustworthiness, which strengthens the personal connection. Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles, as well as being someone who can be trusted. People who have integrity keep their promises and do what they say they're going to do.

Common Courtesy

Common courtesy, sometimes overlooked because many of us believe it should be more common than it often is, comprises the small acts of kindness and consideration that demonstrate thoughtfulness and attentiveness. This could mean anything from expressing gratitude to showing empathy in times of distress. Expecting common courtesy fosters an atmosphere of appreciation and compassion, where both parties feel valued and understood. It shows others that you care about them and that you respect them.

Reciprocity

Reciprocity is the idea of giving and taking in equal measure; it brings balance to any relationship. This means that those involved should be willing to put in equal effort and be willing to listen to each other, to compromise, and to support each other.

If one person is always giving and the other is always taking – or if not always, more often than not – it can create a lot of resentment and imbalance in the relationship. It's important for all involved to be willing to give and take in equal measure.

Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships of all types are built on a foundation of compromise and growth. Being willing to engage in open discussions about individual expectations and adjusting them as necessary ensures that there is a clear understanding of the other's needs and that you can work together to meet them.

The notion of expectations in relationships is not a singular concept; it is deeply nuanced and extremely multifaceted. While it’s wise to steer clear of unattainable demands, it’s equally vital to uphold certain core characteristics like honesty, respect, integrity, common courtesy, and reciprocity. These values lay the groundwork for strong, enduring, and fulfilling relationships. By striking a balance between what we expect and what we give, we create an environment where everyone involved can thrive emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

This Is The End

Relationships involve compromise and understanding, and if we expect others to be perfect, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment. How we handle ending a relationship that is not meeting these core expectations says a great deal about who you are. Being as straightforward as possible is always the best tact. However, if someone has not been honest with you or they lack integrity, simply allowing the relationship to die a natural death is perfectly acceptable. If anyone needs closure, that can be addressed. But sometimes unbalanced relationships actually become unhealthy – even toxic. If that happens, distancing yourself from the situation and moving on (hopefully to healthier relationships) is often the best choice. Just make sure you embody these key characteristics so that you are the best friend, partner, or significant other possible for any future interactions with others.