They Fear Connecting. Now what?

Since oh-about-April of 2020, here are common statements said by those I work with, around, and for:

• 1. "I can't wait until we're back in person."
• 2. "It would be so much better if we were in person."
• 3. "Oh, I'm so glad we're all in the same room again."
• 4. "Why do people still feel disconnected?"

I’m afraid, friends.

I’m worried that leaders are getting this "connection," "belonging," and "working together" thing wrong...

...fight me.

I heard the first two during just about every Zoom (or teams, or GoTo, or GoogleMeet) I attended through the pandemic. And today, if I'm not the one running it... I still hear it. If I am the one running it, I fine people $5.00 if they say any one of them! 

The third one is what I hear today whenever I'm in person with a group. And the fourth one is what I'm talking about with senior leaders daily. And at night. And...over weekends. 

The fourth one... THIS is what has me up late at night. It is what wakes me up in the morning. I just did an Internet search for: "lonely" and "military" and in .44 seconds I was presented with 41,900,000 results. You know what I found WAY interesting? I scrolled through 10 pages of results and (subjectively) many, many of the linked results where from before February of 2020.

Anyone else find that interesting?

These days, we are faced with a peculiar paradox: while we seemingly crave connection and relationships, we hesitate to connect and build those meaningful relationships. What do I hear often?

"I'm an introvert...

...I really don't like crowds."

Unfortunately, too many leaders today believe that simply bringing their team members together more (did I hear mandatory fun? tactical pause? resiliency down day?) should be all it takes to help team members connect. I'm here to tell you that is not what I'm seeing. Bringing people together and hoping they connect is unlikely to yield the desired results.

Our people are starving for connection—real, human, tribal belongingness. 

I just did a Google search: "lack of connection" (with the quotes) that yielded nearly 9 million results in .51 seconds.

I added "at work" and found research by the organization BetterUp stating that 43% of those polled feel disconnected at work. A few months ago, I attended a conference put on by Gartner for HR / Gartner ... my main takeaway was this:

Researchers predict for overall American-based companies, upwards of 80% of the eligible workforce will be hybrid or remote in the future.

I can almost hear some of you reading this; you snickered, didn't you? An audible laugh, or a slight shaking of the noggin, east to west. You thought something like, "Yeah, but not MY industry." Ok, you go on thinking that. Here's my hope for you... I hope you retire soon. And, I hope you don't have kids (or grandkids) with whom you want to grow old.

This is the world we are leaving them.

Now, for those of you who are still reading and STILL with me, there are four connections we're lacking. In subsequent notes here, I'll share what to do about each. For now, I just wanna lay the framework. If we are going to collectively march toward this future together, we must have a grasp on the current baseline.

While we have an abundance of leaders who think that a few words of inspiration will bring teams together, what we need are reps in strengthening four (or five) essential connections at work…and in life. They are:

Connection to

• ... self
• ... mission
• ... another
• ... context
• (coming soon) ... tradition

"To thine own self be true."

~ Polonius

Connection to Self

At the heart of any meaningful connection is a strong sense of self. When we feel secure in who we are and clearly understand our worth, we're more likely to reach out and connect with others. To be effective and productive, we must have an honest and thorough understanding of who we are, our strengths and weaknesses, and our motivations. Only then can we start to build meaningful relationships with others. We must take the time to reflect on our values, reflect on our strengths, and reflect on our weaknesses.

Developing a strong sense of self is an important foundation for building meaningful connections with others. When we have a clear understanding of who we are and what we value, we are more confident in our interactions with others and more able to establish authentic and genuine relationships.

It's also important to recognize that self-awareness is not a one-time process but rather a continuous journey of self-discovery and self-improvement. It's important to regularly take time to reflect on ourselves and our values and to be open to learning and growing as we continue to evolve as individuals. This can help us build more meaningful and fulfilling connections with others and lead a more fulfilling life overall.

"Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment."

~ Viktor Frankl

Connection to Mission

What binds us together as individuals and teams is our shared mission. We must be connected to that mission to work effectively and efficiently. We must be reminded of our purpose and goals so that we're all working towards the same end. When we clearly understand our mission or purpose and strive daily to pursue it, we become more focused and purposeful in our efforts.

Having a shared mission or purpose can be a powerful bonding force that brings individuals and teams together. When everyone is working towards the same goal, there is a greater sense of teamwork and cooperation, and people are more motivated to contribute their skills and efforts towards the common cause.

In addition to providing a sense of purpose and direction, having a shared mission can also help to create a sense of belonging and community within a team. When people feel like they are part of something bigger than themselves and that their work is making a positive impact, they are more likely to feel connected and engaged with their team.

It's important to regularly communicate the team's mission and purpose and to remind team members of the bigger picture. This can help to keep everyone aligned and focused on the common goal, and can also help to foster a sense of unity and collaboration within the team.

 "A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality."

~John Lennon

Connection to One Another

Creating meaningful relationships with one another is essential for any successful team. Our relationships are the building blocks of any successful organization or group. We must actively seek out opportunities to get to know one another on a deeper level to build trust and understanding. We must also be willing to be vulnerable and open up to each other to connect and work together truly.

Building meaningful relationships is a crucial aspect of working effectively as a team. When team members have strong relationships with one another, they are more likely to trust and support one another, which can lead to increased collaboration and teamwork.

Take time to have casual conversations, ask about each other's interests and hobbies, and build a sense of camaraderie. This can help to build trust and understanding within the team, and can create a more open and supportive environment. The goal is to create opportunities for team members to connect with one another and build stronger relationships.

"The crucial differences which distinguish human societies and human beings are not biological. They are cultural."

~Ruth Benedict.

Connection to Context

Context refers to the current shared experiences shaping how people interact and work together within an organization. When people in an organization are current with how people are getting along and what each person "brings to the fight," it is (more?) likely that they will connect. Alternatively, if there is misunderstanding, misinterpretation, and misalignment between what people are currently dealing with and how leadership "thinks things should be," it can be more difficult for people to feel connected.

A workplace that is current and promotes and supports a connection to context can lead to increased productivity and overall success. We must be mindful of all team members' needs, so everyone feels valued and included. 

This can involve actively promoting diversity and inclusion within the team and making an effort to ensure that everyone feels valued and included.

In addition to regularly discussing the current context of a unit/organization, it's also important to communicate and reinforce the values and expectations of the organization. This can help to ensure that everyone is aligned and working towards the same goals and can help to create a cohesive and unified team.

Creating meaningful connections isn't easy, but it's essential for any successful team. We must be willing to reach out, trust, and be vulnerable. We must take the time to reflect on our values and goals, get to know one another, and build a positive workplace culture.

Only then can we create lasting, meaningful connections to help our teams and organizations succeed. Wanna chat about any of this stuff? Click below: