Feedback: How to Effectively Ask For & Receive Actionable Advice

You just wrapped up a crucial presentation. You feel a mix of adrenaline and relief pulsing through you. 

Your boss approaches, ready to share some feedback. How do you feel? 

Anxious... Defensive...Excited...?

Feedback, whether glowing or critical, is crucial to personal and professional growth. But... I bet when you saw this email land in your inbox this morning... you felt dread arise just at the word. Feedback. AH! Run away.

That no-thank-you feeling gets to everyone. The feedback arrives and we worry we’re about to look in the mirror and see something we do. not. like. (Cough…perfectionism…cough…)

When a client hires me as a coach, they're directly (or indirectly) requesting feedback. It can be vulnerable and scary—and for some is their first foray into an open feedback ask.

When I give a client an audit and suggestions, I'm investing in their success. Only by understanding areas of improvement can they IMPROVE, and move forward into stronger, more capable versions of self.

But knowing that you want feedback and being comfortable on the receiving end can be two different things. So, how do we use feedback to our advantage AND get more comfortable receiving (and giving) useful feedback?

Crafting Your Feedback Request

Feedback can sting. "You aren't ready," "You're too quiet," or "Your idea was great, leadership has been raving about it." Each piece, whether it feels like a setback or a win, is crucial. But GOOD feedback often doesn’t arrive unprompted. Passive reception of feedback will only get you so far.

The way we ask for and react to feedback often determines its usefulness. Are you asking the right questions to get the insights you need to understand what works, what doesn’t, and why?

When seeking feedback, clarity is key. Instead of a broad "How did I do?" specify what you’re looking for:

• "Could you tell me how my handling of the project's challenges came across?"
• "I'm looking to hone my conciseness. Could you point out where I could have been more direct?"

Specificity not only makes it easier for others to provide useful insights, it also helps you get actionable advice that you can apply immediately. 

Handling Feedback with Grace

Receiving feedback—especially critical feedback—is an art. It's very, very normal to feel defensive or upset initially. Someone recently told me that feedback “makes their armpits cry” … we’ve all been there! The negative internal loop can be hard to shake.

Here are some strategies to handle feedback more constructively:

• Pause and Process: Allow yourself a moment to absorb the feedback. Respond with a simple "Thank you, I'll consider this closely," giving yourself time to evaluate the feedback calmly.
• Reflect and Act: Reflect on the feedback. What’s valid? What’s actionable? How can it align with your growth goals?
• Seek Clarification: If feedback is vague or confusing, don’t hesitate to ask for examples or clarification to ensure you understand the feedback fully.

When Feedback Feels Off

Not all feedback will resonate. Sometimes, what's said may not match your self-perception or may come from misunderstandings. Here’s how you can address it:

• Clarify: "Could you provide an example of when I seemed too reserved? I’d like to understand the context better."
• Provide Your Perspective: "I see the situation differently. Here's what I was aiming for in that meeting..."

For Leaders: Encouraging Constructive Feedback Cultures

For leaders, fostering an environment where feedback is constructive and welcomed is vital. Giving good feedback first means building a culture where people TRUST that you BELIEVE in them. Giving feedback is a sign that you are invested in their future, and believe they can get there.

This means:

• Modeling Receptivity: Show that you value and act on feedback.
• Building Trust: Ensure your team knows that their perspectives are valued and that giving feedback is safe.
• Recognizing Efforts: Acknowledge the courage it takes to give and receive honest feedback.

When giving feedback:

• Stay Future-Oriented: Use past examples only to help them understand HOW you want them to be in the future. “Last time you did this, next time I’d like to see this.”
• Give Feedback via Story: Use clear examples of success to help your team understand your feedback. “I’d like you to work on a clearer pitch delivery. Let me tell you about how Tyler delivered his most recent pitch, which I thought was excellent.”
• Avoid the Compliment Sandwich: We all know the “but” is coming. Instead, be clear and compassionate, but get to the point.

Integrating A New Feedback Pattern

As with all things communication, giving and receiving feedback well takes practice. If feedback is a challenge for you, begin by asking someone you trust. A friend, family member, or close colleague who knows you well and who you trust to be kind and honest.

If you have an opportunity for feedback coming up, set aside time to prepare. Identify areas you anticipate you might need to work, and write down specific questions you can ask to receive actionable feedback. If appropriate, share them with your boss, leader, etc. ahead of time, so that they can thoughtfully consider your requests.

Lastly, get comfortable with being imperfect (small fries, right?!). Remember that feedback is less about judgment and more about process—becoming more confident, capable versions of ourselves, professionally and personally. It takes work!

Questions about Feedback?

Have a story to share? Question(s) to ask? I love to hear from this community about how newsletter topics manifest in your world. Tell me! Reply or comment below.

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At Lange International Inc., we work with executives and their teams to approach every high-stakes moment with confidence, curiosity, and poise–and have fun while doing it! We work one-on-one with leaders and also deliver keynotes and workshops for companies around the globe. Looking to level up your communication? We’d love to connect. Discover our digital courses for deeper learning: Executive Presence & High Stakes-Communications.