Feel Good Friday Roundup
Gemma Nice 💫
I help you to have intimate, healthy relationships through communication, trust and intimacy. Multi Award-winning sex and relationship coach for high-achieving women.
Join Me, Gemma every Friday for a FEEL GOOD Friday roundup, Plus freebies for this Friday morning.
”S£x is none existent and has been for 6 months or so due to my body going through the menopause”
This was my client a few weeks ago.
She came to me in tears because she has such a low s£x drive and is arguing with her husband a lot due to both their needs not being met because of the menopause.
She isn’t alone. I have worked with a few women now, going through the menopause and there are a few ways to help with this.
Here are a few pointers to get you back in the mood for some loving.
- Reduce \/aginal dryness with moisturisers and lubricants. There is one amazing lube called Sutil Lube from www.jodivine.com
- Talk with your partner about what you like and how you would like to be touched.
- Get enough sleep. 6-8 hours per night. A recent study found that women who get enough sleep are much more likely to experience sexual interest or pleasure.
- Schedule time for s£x. Making a plan for sex gives you time to get in the mood. Darren and I do this weekly. It’s a great addition to the working week.
- Spend more time on foreplay. Foreplay starts when your last s£xual experience finished. Think about that one for a minute. This could be texting your partner.
Let me know how you get on with these by sending me a DM. You know, I’m nosy like that.
During arguments do you always say ‘You don’t care about me, you are inconsiderate and don’t text or phone me’?
You always use the ‘You’ statements instead of ‘I’ statements.
So, you need to change the way you both speak to each other.
It’s called ‘I statements’ and here is a little bit of how you can build that into your conversations.
It can be difficult to use “I-statements” if you’re not used to this type of language. These “I-statement examples” will help. • “I get anxious when you don’t tell me you’re running late.”
• “I felt embarrassed when you were talking to that man at the party for half an hour.”
• “I get confused and hurt when you leave your clothes on the floor because I thought I had communicated how important it was that you put them in the laundry basket.”
• “I feel resentful when you take our dog to the dog park on the weekends without me when we have not had time together for weeks.” It’s all about trying to switch up how you feel without sounding to whiny or the blame onto him as in ‘you make me feel angry or upset when you…’
This is putting the blame onto him, so it’s both of you who need to learn another way of talking. So, for example on the ‘YOU’ Statement you could say ‘You don’t care about me. You are inconsiderate. You never make time to text or call me’.
But on the ‘I’ Statement you could say this ‘When you don’t pay me attention or call or text me, I feel disconnected and lonely.’
Do you get what I am saying here. It’s all about switching up the way you speak to each other.
Darren and I used to do the ‘you’ statements and to start with it is hard to use more ‘I’ statement’s but it really does help during arguments when you try this method.
Give it a go and see how you get on.
We've All Been There, Trying To Buy Presents For Our Significant Other And Overspending.
To then feel your partner hasn't given you the same amount that you've spent on them.
Or even not put as much thought into it as you have.
The very thought of going Christmas shopping when in a relationship can lead to very high stress levels, particularly for a new couple.
So how do you cope with this?
Both sit down and discuss it.
Have a price in mind you are willing to go to so you both don't overspend, or underspend compared to each other.
There's so much pressure from the outside to buy and receive so much so have it in your mind and don't over commit and follow the sheep.
Be true to yourself and your relationship.
Sit down and talk about coming at the festive season together.
You are a couple, and you will get people pulling you in all directions.
Stick to your guns and be a partnership.
Make a pact you will do this together.
Tag someone who needs to read this.
Navigating Through Difficult Times Within Your Relationship.
Do you and your partner argue a lot over silly things?
It's natural to go through difficult periods.
You maybe don’t want or feel the same as your partner.
You may be struggling to work things out.
It's being conscious of the reasons why you want to work things out.
It's about knowing you and your needs, so that you are making the right choices for the right reasons.
Deep down what do you want out of the relationship?
Are you wanting it out of comfort?
Are you wanting it out of convenience?
Notice how you feel when you say this to yourself ‘what do I want out of this relationship?’
Find the courage to be open and honest with your partner.
The more adult you are about it, the better the outcome.
Double tap if this was helpful.
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Articles I Have Been Featured In This Week
What $ex Addiction Is Not, According to $ex Therapists
There are so many misconceptions
I was featured for some expert comments for Very Well Mind.
Remember I am always available for a coffee chat to see how we can work together.
Until next week, happy humping and see you soon.
Lots of Love Gemma xxx
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1wGood point!