Feel!

Society expects human beings to express certain moods while hiding or avoiding others.

Many cultures in the world teach their children that displaying certain emotions or feelings is wrong, even more so in public. They are asked to hide or prevent them and openly or discretely scolded when they fail to do so. Society thus expects human beings to express certain moods while hiding or avoiding others.

Even from the ranks of those who are supposed to teach us how to live, from many masters, gurus, teachers and mentors do we perceive a certain pull to believe that illumination is only reached when feelings are gone; when equanimity and absolute peace become our regular state of being. We are told that only in that state of insensitivity will we achieve growth as human beings.

In spite of which, we feel! I would rather propose an alternative. In my humble opinion, feelings and emotions are part of human beings, part of what and who we are. Hiding, ignoring or avoiding them dehumanizes us, turning us into hollow shells void of their innermost essence.

Emotions are born from thoughts, both conscious and subconscious

The issue is not so much having those emotions and feelings but taking control over them. Humanology teaches us that emotions are born from thoughts, both conscious and subconscious, which are nothing but neuronal connections established in our brain on the basis of our beliefs. Thus, if I believe dogs to be dangerous and see one approaching me, my brain will connect that reality to my interpretation of it, thus triggering fear in me. Even when not fully aware of having actually seen the animal. As soon as I realize I’m having that emotion, it becomes a feeling. It is at this stage that I can claim control over it.

Feelings are neither good nor bad

This discipline also explains that feelings are neither good nor bad, as our only limitation lays in controlling them. Whenever we lose control and our feelings express themselves at inconvenient times or places, we feel limited by the situation.

Human beings can control their feelings but not their emotions.

In order to handle our feelings properly, human beings have different mechanisms in them, some of which are innate, while others are acquired or learned. When a thought triggers a feeling in us, we can choose to focus on it while it expands and grows, like a temper tantrum in a small kid, or to take control. Unless distracted by an alternative thought, the kid’s anger will become unmanageable. Even though most human beings know and use this mechanism on a daily basis, there are situations in which, for whatever reason, some people neglect to apply it. In many of those cases, they succumb to an unwanted cascade of thoughts and feelings that completely overwhelm them. The good news is that the process can be re-learned.

Every human being can take control of their feelings if taught how to do it.

Another mechanism one can use against unwanted feelings is controlling the beliefs that result in them. If the way I interpret the dangers posed by a dog limits me so much, for example, that I fear leaving my house alone, the time might have come to work on that original belief and maybe change it. Once more, it is a process that a good professional can help others master.

Funnily enough, certain people lose control over their feelings due to an overwhelming need to control everything. When used to hiding or ignoring certain feelings we fail to realize that they don’t just disappear into nothingness. We wish! The easiest example to understand this is laughter. When overtaken by hilarity, it is often very difficult for any human being to stop laughing. When asked to, laughter usually becomes more explosive and determined, even causing hiccups and tension. On the contrary, when laughter is allowed to fully express itself, the person experiences a final feeling of deep peace and serenity. The same thing happens with all other emotions. Whenever anger, sadness or rage, to mention a few, are in us, our central nervous system releases some related chemicals into our blood. It could produce cortisol and adrenaline if fear is there or testosterone if rage or anger are taking over. When those feelings last a long time, like in cases of anxiety or anger management problems, the amount of chemicals in our blood can be so high, that they become hard to process, thus accumulating inside the person and sometimes causing physical or mental disorders.

That is the reason why humanology recommends allowing the full expression of all feelings until they can be no more but doing it in a controlled way. That would help human beings release the substances while being in charge. Whenever people learn to experience rage, sadness or guilt in a scheduled way, not letting those feelings express themselves at other times, they start taking control instead of being controlled by them. One very useful tool for this is one that I created some years ago called “time boxes.” Yielding incredibly good results, this very simple concept helps human beings create metaphorical spaces they will enter to feel their feelings. Doing it properly requires complying with some basic rules and procedures. Once they are used for a short while, people learn to reclaim their control. It’s like everything else, the person can learn but needs to be correctly taught.

We invite you, dear reader, to allow yourself the right to feel all feelings, to give them their right space and time. Because you also have the power to take control.