Feeling bad for Bad Feeling

Understanding the “Bad Feeling” Trap: Why Discomfort Doesn’t Always Mean Something Is Wrong

In our lives, it’s easy to associate discomfort or bad feelings with danger or failure. When we feel tired, tense, or overwhelmed, we’re quick to assume that something is inherently wrong. But often, these feelings are signals not of actual danger but simply of the demands being placed on our body and brain. This response is related to what scientists call your “body budget.” Just as a financial budget manages your expenses and income, your body budget is an ongoing balance of energy reserves, mental stamina, and other resources you need to function.

A “bad feeling” is often just a sign that your body budget is being taxed. For instance, think of a time when you exercised intensely and reached the point of labored breathing and muscle soreness. Though you might have felt physically uncomfortable, that feeling wasn’t necessarily a sign of harm—it was a natural response to the increased physical demand. Similarly, activities like studying or solving challenging problems can lead to feelings of frustration or even hopelessness, even if you’re making progress. Your brain is working hard, using up resources like glucose and oxygen, which can create sensations of fatigue or negativity.

From an evolutionary perspective, these signals are protective. Our ancestors needed to recognize when resources were low, conserving energy for survival. But in our modern world, we experience body budget depletion from things like prolonged stress, demanding work, and even digital overload. Misinterpreting these signals can easily lead to unnecessary stress or self-doubt, making us think we’re failing or in danger, even when we’re simply exerting ourselves.

So, if a bad feeling doesn’t always indicate a problem, how can we approach these sensations differently? One approach is to see discomfort as part of the process rather than a sign of failure. Athletes often push past initial discomfort to reach new levels of performance, and in the same way, mental resilience can grow if we learn to interpret negative feelings as temporary, manageable reactions to effort.

Coaching and mental training can play a significant role in helping individuals build resilience by reinterpreting these moments. Coaches and mentors can guide people in recognizing when they’re simply expending resources and need to manage their “body budget” rather than assuming something is wrong. Cognitive reframing, a technique used in cognitive-behavioral therapy, is one approach that helps people shift their perspectives around discomfort. It’s about learning to see feelings of stress or difficulty not as signals to quit, but as cues to refuel or shift strategy.

Moreover, concepts like learned helplessness and fear conditioning can make people overly sensitive to these body signals. Learned helplessness, for instance, is a psychological phenomenon where repeated exposure to difficult situations without escape options leads to a sense of powerlessness. This can create a habitual response where any stressor, big or small, brings up feelings of defeat. However, coaching can help individuals break this cycle by developing awareness of the body budget system and training the brain to see challenges as surmountable.

In the end, a bad feeling is not always a red flag. It’s a natural part of exerting effort, learning, and growing. Recognizing this can empower you to work through discomfort, interpret your body’s signals accurately, and approach life with more resilience. Rather than seeing temporary discomfort as a sign of failure, view it as a stepping stone toward your goals, an experience that strengthens you with every step.

References:

• Barrett, L. F. (2017). How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

• Seligman, M. E. P. (1975). Helplessness: On Depression, Development, and Death. W. H. Freeman.

• Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.

• Lazarus, R. S., & Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, Appraisal, and Coping. Springer.