Finding belonging in my neurodiversity

Fitting in is the opposite of belonging. Brené Brown's research revealed that fitting in is about assessing and acclimating. It's the state of awareness to know what to say or do to fit in. Belonging is the state of awareness to find it in yourself first. Speaking your truth, telling your story, and never betraying yourself. To find true belonging doesn't require you to change who you are but rather to be who you are.

The state of belonging:

Various neurodiverse conditions, for example (not limited to) ADHD, autism, bipolar, dyspraxia, and dyslexia, fall within the spectrum of neurodiversity, which relates to the unique way neurodivergent people's brains are wired. Neuro-differences are categorised into social categories such as ethnicity, gender, ability, and sexual orientation. Today, up to 20% of the world's population is considered neurodiverse. Over 80% of adults on the spectrum are unemployed despite having an education. (My Disability Jobs, 2023)

Companies worldwide are embracing neurodiversity, but it appears to be more in vogue and receives attention as a "trend" rather than making a difference, a fundamental part of inclusive cultures. 

Have we made progress in a neurotypical society?

Growing up, my mom was not a big fan of Barbie and Ken because she believed these dolls influenced body dysmorphia. (This is a mental health disorder when a person obsesses over their flaws and appearances)

I like to refer to it as the Kardashian effect: Normalising society to fit into unrealistic expectations of what people should look like and how they should dress and behave to be accepted.

We still live in a neurotypical society where we play on both sides of the fence between normal and abnormal. There is still an expectation to acclimatise to the mold. Not too long ago, lefties were forced to write with their right hand because it was considered abnormal. It is less stigmatized in the Western world, but still, a difference that waltzes with unconscious bias. We live in a world developed for right-handed people, and this is one example of how nuances are not fully embraced or even considered. User-friendly products and work environments are not prevalent and force left-handed people to be right-handed.

Looking through the neurodivergent lens:

My father was different. 

Very different. It was so difficult for me to connect with Dad, and we had a rocky relationship, significantly worsening as I grew older. He was quiet, shy, and challenging. When I turned ten years old, I felt that I surpassed his intellect, and I started to feel embarrassed by him and didn't like to bring friends over. 

My childhood experience with him was similar to the movie "I am Sam," which was inspired by Dr. Seuss's poem, "Green Eggs and Ham." In his 70's, he was diagnosed with Asperger's (Autism). After his recent death, I started to reflect and realise how biased I was, and I wish I had known more about the spectrum growing up. Maybe things would've been different. Maybe there was a way to connect with him better.

I've always known I had dyslexia and ADHD but never wanted to acknowledge it. The fear of what potential clients would think of me was daunting, especially in a communications career. Having a similar label as my dad and seeing him ostracized was not something I could face.

Thanks to the neurodivergent community for having the bravery to step into the arena and start the neurodiversity movement. 

For the first time, I looked beyond disability and saw ability and rainbows of hope. I then recalled how amazing my dad was with math. He was creative and full of innovative ideas. 

I decided it was time to get a professional diagnosis and face the music. My life could be much better if I had a better understanding and the tools to help me function better and reach my full potential.  

On 6 December 2022, I was diagnosed with Asbergers, ADHD, and dyslexia, resulting in anxiety disorders and burnout. Accepting my differences was the most liberating thing I have ever done for myself. 

Learning about neurodiversity allows me to connect to my dad, understand my weaknesses and strengths, discover tools to improve life, live in balance, and use this knowledge to help drive diversity and inclusion in businesses and communications. It is looking beyond the label and seeing the greatness it has to offer to the world at large, learning to show less sympathy and offering more empathy to achieve big-picture thinking.

Here's to embracing difference!

-End