Finding My Mom in a New World

Dear Maa,

I hope this letter finds you well and in good health. I have been settling into my new apartment, but it feels incomplete without you. The city seems to be bustling with activity, but it feels like a lonely place without you by my side.

Oh yes, I found a good apartment.  The bed is cosy but I can't find your warmth anywhere. The place is furnished with all the necessary appliances, including a microwave and an induction stove. However, despite all these conveniences, I still miss your daal chawal. Yes, I have your precious stored aachar, maybe I will have it with every possible meal. 

My closet is neat and clean now mumma, exactly the way you taught me to keep it but there is no one here to approve (or comfortingly disapprove) of my look like you always did or someone who makes fun of my attire. 

I am making sure to stay hydrated, yes, yes, 8 glasses a day, but I still miss your adrak wali chai. I long for those lazy afternoons spent with you, sipping tea and chatting about everything and nothing.

These nights here are so quiet. I am not scrolling for hours and hours on Instagram now, I am keeping my room cool and dim and I do read a page of the books that I bought, but fiction doesn't even stand to compete with your lap where I'd rest my head and escape from the world. Is it your comfort that my heart unknowingly aches for now? Were you the only happy place that always made me feel safe and loved?

Mom, you always believed in me and motivated me to work hard and do my best. Your unwavering support and encouragement gave me the strength to overcome every obstacle in life. I can't thank you enough for all that you have done for me. But today, today, when I received my first appreciation email, there was no one here to clap for me, no one to share my happiness with. The moment that I was waiting for, the moment that I wanted to celebrate with you the most, was gone in an instant. I couldn't help but feel a sense of emptiness and loneliness. I wish you were here with me, Mom, to share my joy and excitement. I wish I could hear your voice telling me how proud you are of me. I wish I could see your smiling face and feel your warm embrace.

Every day, I light up a diya just to match the positivity of the home you live in with the apartment I am trying to make a nest out of. I express gratitude and practice mindfulness every day. I hope that the light from the diya will bring me some of the warmth and love that you always radiate.

Yesterday, I read a joke and laughed out loud, but I missed your look and your voice saying to pitch down my voice, or else people will mistake me for witch. I miss your witt and your  sense of humour.

I miss waking up to your beautiful smile, your hugs, and your love. You have always been my best friend, my confidant, and my support system. I miss you so much maa. 

Every single day that you are not with me, I think about you. I wonder what you are doing. I pray that you are safe, well, and happy. My love will follow you wherever you go. No matter how old you are and no matter how far I travel.

Being a Mom is such a thankless job, right? You sacrificed your body, sleep, social life, luxury, eating hot meals, patience, energy, and sanity for love. 

If I were to describe you, Maa, I would say that you are an emotional rock. You have a heart full of emotions, yet you are strong and unwavering like a rock. You are always there for us, no matter how tired you are. You are the superwoman of our family, who has always put us first. 

You worry about us constantly, but you are also full of hope and faith. You are impatient at times when I don't receive your call, yes you yell and shout at me saying you could have dropped a message, but you have an endless reserve of patience when it comes to taking care of us. You may feel overwhelmed and may taunt me saying "Yes, you are right, mothers are stupid", but you never give up. You always find a way to keep going, even in the face of adversity. 

Despite all the doubts and challenges that come your way, you are amazing in every way. You are stern even in the midst of chaos. You have a way of changing our lives every single day, just by being there for us. Maa, you are the epitome of love, strength, and resilience. 

Your never-ending support and selfless love has been our guiding light and we are forever grateful for everything that you do for us. 

Mom, you are just not a person, you are an emotion. An emotion that each individual is incomplete without. 

Happy Mother's Day, Mumma!

With all my love and admiration,

Your child.