The first year living abroad and the sense of belonging

I remember the turn of the century. The excitement, the unexpected, stepping into an entire new world with all the possibilities that it brings. If that was the general feel or just myself, I don't know, but after my first year living abroad that intense feeling from the past unexpectedly got me thinking.

That was a long time ago.

So much happened ever since. I finished school, went to college thanks to a government program, moved to São Paulo, and kind of did a good job starting a new life there. Well, you know... kind of. A poor family girl, with her diploma under the arm, leaving a lovely family behind and moving away. The luggage? Just one bag of old clothes, a lot less money than I was actually going to need and a ton of courage in the heart. Didn't belong in the countryside, didn't belong in a small city, I aspired for greatness and I was so ready to prove myself back then.

The city totally broke me, of course.

One punch on the face after the other and a couple of kicks in the ribs just to make sure I would stay down.

Every single day was a struggle. Although school was very difficult, moving to the largest city of Latin America coming straight out of nowhere was obviously a whole new kind of difficult. That was "adult" difficult and you can't simply punch back. You have to get up, smile and keep going.

With time I hated São Paulo's work environment more than anything else. You see, the thing is: I insisted on having a list of hateful habits in the eyes of most employers, such as personal life and a taste for fair payment. Big mistake. Naturally it took me a while to spot the obvious: I didn't belong there either.

I didn't belong in the countryside, didn't belong in the big city, was there a place for me at all? I guessed: "well, apparently no" and moved on.

It was only in February 2017 that thanks to a lovely boss in an adorable company that I had the chance to see for the very first time some of the beauties of Viena, Austria. It was my first time outside Brazil, I have never felt more of an outsider in my life - and that was great!

It was only by seeing true variety and difference that I could realise the importance of the multiplicity of characters. It was only after seeing how truly great and culturally broad the world is that I realized that it is not necessary to physically belong in order to achieve a state of fulfillment. And it was only with the acceptance of not belonging, that I found the peace and confort I have been looking for all along, and that came, mostly with my first experience abroad.

It was only then that I began to realize that belonging is a state of mind, not of social or cultural identification... and back then I had no idea how much that was going to help me on my first year abroad. Culturally diverse, Austria has its own traditions and it's always ready to embrace those who want to see it's true colors. Here you find the whole world inside a snow globe and you don't have to go far to hear a familiar or an entirely unknown language. You don't have to go far to find a small piece of your own home or an entirely new world just waiting to be explored.

In a year living abroad I learned a lot about people, the world and more importantly: about myself. I had to learn to live better with the differences and realized the joys of being able to help others in their own journeys.

I learned that having the company of someone who loves you and cares for you makes all the difference and I have learned that maintaining childhood friendships as well as daily contact with the family is the one true light your heart needs. I learned to miss home without tears of sadness in the eyes and to be happy for the achievements of the friends even without being able to be there to witness them.

I learned that frustration can be a part of the walk, but the difficulties should never keep you from moving on.

I have learned to be thankful for my origins and to carry them proudly wherever I go. I realized that I belong to myself, because alone, I am a world. And I have learned that as long as you belong in yourself, home is wherever you are.

And now that the sense of adventure remains rooted in my heart, cemented as a solid construction of my one true self, I can't help but wonder... what's next?