Five ways I approach mental health at work and home

Today is Mental Health Awareness Day where people around the world join in raising awareness and providing support for mental and emotional wellbeing.

Studies show that at some point in their lifetimes, 46 percent of Americans will meet the criteria for a diagnosable mental health condition, and half of those people will develop conditions by the age of 14*.

As a wife, mother, and executive leader, maintaining overall wellbeing can be challenging - for myself and my family. For us, stress is often the culprit, and it isn't always easy to manage. My mission is to create an environment at home and at work where we all are empowered to prioritize our mental and physical health, and successfully cope with the inevitable stress of our daily lives.

My team and I are building a culture within Azure Marketing where everyone feels comfortable bringing their authentic and honest selves to work every day. The people-first culture at Microsoft is one of the primary reasons I love working at the company. We have a deep commitment to making employees' mental health and wellbeing a priority -- from little things, like encouraging everyone to take vacations and deeming Friday afternoons "no meeting times," to big things like flexible work schedules, formal wellness programs, resources, and benefits that encourage -- and make it easier -- for employees to stay physically and mentally fit.

If we take care of our health first, success will follow.

As my family has grown and my career advanced, I've learned a few tips on how to manage stress that I hope you find helpful if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Fiercely protect your sacred "me" time, but always have a plan B.

My runs are my best "me" times. Unfortunately, they are also the agenda item most at risk of being cut from my day. When we feel stressed and overwhelmed, we often skip our de-stressors to gain extra time to tackle our to-do lists. I've learned skipping my morning workout has a cost – often leading to less than the best experience for my family or my colleagues, including the people on my team. A stress-induced approach is the antithesis to the work culture and home environment I want to build. So, I’m diligent about protecting my "me” time even if I must take some of my more pressing projects to the treadmill with me (not ideal, but a little is better than nothing at all).

Maintaining my boundaries means sometimes declining early morning meetings, which can be painful at times, especially working in a global organization. I have the support from my team and my amazing admin, Michelle Matisin , who helps me protect this important time.  Of course, there are extremely rare cases when a morning run just isn’t possible. On those days, I’ll join a friend on an evening walk. Social time can be a great de-stressor for me as well.

Pause and acknowledge you're stressed.

When you name it, you can manage it. Last week was exceptionally busy for my team and me as we’re doing a ton of great work on messaging evolution, major industry event planning and preparations, and hitting milestone product launches. I was feeling stressed as I stepped into a meeting that afternoon. I realized as the meeting began that my stressful day might get in the way of a productive discussion. So, I was honest. I said, “I’m having a bad day, so I apologize if I’m being snippy.” We’re not perfect, and we’re not robots. When we pause and recognize our stress, we can “respond” versus “react.” That is the kind of environment I want for my family and my team – a place where we respond to each other with respect and plenty of grace, not allowing stress to dictate how we show up.

Ask for help.

When you name your stress, you can gain the clarity to ask for what you need – whether that’s someone to pitch in and lessen the load, or someone to help identify effective coping mechanisms.

For example, since starting a new school last year, my son James has struggled with sleep. He feels nervous so he doesn’t sleep at night and because he doesn’t sleep, he can’t function well during class and falls behind. At his young age, he’s already experiencing the vicious cycle of stress. I’m a firm believer in the importance of seeking professional help when we need it. So, after trying multiple strategies to help him, we decided to schedule some time for James to see a child counselor – another incredible mental health benefit provided by Microsoft. And it's made an incredible difference!

I’ve found that the best way for me to overcome stress is to be open and honest about it and I encourage those around me to do the same. When we do that, we feel less alone and more confident in finding a solution.

Know what works for you and stick with it!

Some of my friends and colleagues practice yoga, play an instrument, bake, or get regular massages to manage their stress. I run! Whether outside or on my treadmill, my morning runs are sacred. They are the best ways I know how to de-stress and stay in the "now." The rhythm of my breath synchronized with my heartbeat and my feet striking the pavement puts me in a state of meditation I cannot get any other way. It is the place where my mind clears and makes room for joy each day.

It's important to me that both of my kids – James and my 10-year-old daughter, Victoria, understand the importance of putting their well-being first. Together, we prioritize weekend hikes, Sunday dinners at home, and regular video chats with the grandparents. I make it a point each evening to get curious not only about their day, but also about the feelings they experienced throughout their day. Then, we discuss strategies for easing the stressors as they arise. I practice this with my kids to help build their confidence today and arm them with the knowledge and skills to navigate adult stress in the future.

Give others grace and support when they need it.

Not everyone feels comfortable being open and honest about stress. As a leader, I find and understand that some colleagues are more transparent, while others are more guarded about what’s happening in their work and/or personal lives. This is where genuine curiosity comes in handy.

Throughout my career, I’ve never seen an up-beat top-performer become negative and difficult for no reason. Chances are, something is going on with them, and perhaps they’re not comfortable sharing. That’s when a good manager will get curious, sensitively ask questions, and provide a safe space for them to recognize their stress, find the cause, and ask for help.

When you give people the benefit of the doubt, and they open up to you, magic can happen. You can keep a burnt-out top-performer from quitting and foster a work environment that attracts more top-performers. Through active listening, we have the opportunity to turn the cycle of stress into a cycle of success.

With one-in-five people in the U.S. Struggling to maintain mental health*, it’s more important than ever to build awareness and support for this epidemic. Together, we can remove the stigma surrounding mental health by sharing our stories, prioritizing self-care, and giving others grace, enabling a society where no one has to feel alone in their struggles.

I share my experiences with stress and how I work through it in hopes that you will find my story useful in your own lives. If you’re comfortable sharing your personal experience dealing with mental health or your favorite way to reduce stress, please comment below. We're all in this together!

*Quick Facts and Statistics About Mental Health | Mental Health America (mhanational.org)