[Flash] The Quest to Matter (the Undercurrent of Mentoring)

“Mattering” is a universal human need, essential for flourishing, according to Dr. Felt, a professor at York University.  

What does it mean to matter? Adding value. + Feeling valued.  

Even when we know we added value, we only feel valued when we feel recognized and appreciated.   

When mentoring matters... A few years ago, a healthcare leader called me, “We have a flock of managers that need to be fixed or fired. Can you help us?”   

Absolutely! We launched a peer-manager mentoring program, pairing low-performing managers with high-performing managers in a formal, structured mentoring experience that we infused with leadership training.  

The result? Within six months, 75% of those low-performers became high-performers! Success!  

But what happened next surprised me…  

Monica, one of the mentors, expressed disappointment with the experience, sharing, “I know I made a difference for my mentee! She is now thriving as a manager! It was a delight to help her.”  

Confused, I said, “That’s wonderful… So, what happened?”  

Monica said, “My boss never brought it up. He never mentioned my participation in the mentoring program… like it didn’t matter.”  

In other words, Monica knew she added value – she witnessed the impact of her effort! But she didn’t feel valued. Her boss never acknowledged her mentoring experience, her contributions to save a manager, or growth as a leader. [To be fair, he probably didn’t even know about her participation!]  

We are each on a quest to matter. We don’t go to work hoping to feel insignificant and irrelevant! We strive to add value and want to feel recognized, appreciated, and valued for doing so.  

Feeling valued is powerful – it validates our capability, importance, and trustworthiness.  

So, how can we feel valued for adding value? How can we help others feel valued?  

• Reflect on strengths, accomplishments, and growth
• Communicate/notice contributions
• Share/seek progress updates
• Make achievements visible
• Identify and celebrate impact
• Ask/offer, “From your perspective, how am I contributing to the team’s success?"

When my mom went into hospice this year, her friends and colleagues immediately sent notes and cards, reflecting on their shared journey, acknowledging her mentoring, her friendship, and the difference she made.  

My favorite was from one of her former employees, Beatriz: “Cathie, thank you for your support, encouragement, professional skills, and compassion that made it possible for me to raise my family and enjoy life. You always listened to the story and always found a reasonable solution to the problem. Your friendship, above all, has been a gift.”  

At the end, my mom knew she mattered.   

© 2024. Ann Tardy and MentorLead. www.mentorlead.com. All Rights Reserved.

ps. The Magnet Conference is next week! The MentorLead Team will be at Booth #1946 (if you forget, just Google: the year Dolly Parton was born!) We are giving away a coveted prize every hour! 

pps. Have you registered yet for our 2024-Q4 complimentary webinar?  "Boost Mentoring Participation: Harness Motivation to Drive Employee Engagement and Retention"

Date: Thurs Nov 14 @ 11am PT | 12pm MT | 1pm CT | 2pm ET Register: www.mentorlead.com/webinars