Forbidden fruits appear sweeter than they are

What is it?

I’m sure you remember the famous scene from the adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn where Tom was given the task of whitewashing Aunt Polly's fence. What he obviously didn’t like to do. And how he finally “convinced” his friend Ben to do the job for him. The trick he used was to make the task attractive. When Ben asked Tom if he could paint a bit, Tom refused: “Aunt Polly is very particular about the fence. It has to be painted very carefully, hardly one boy in a thousand is able to do it”. This ask & denial-game went on for a while, what made the task more and more attractive for Ben. Eventually he even offered Tom an apple to “get the job”.

This is a perfect example of the manipulative power of reactance. Everyone who has children knows it from own experience. And if you don’t, just remember how you felt when your parents told you that something was not allowed to you because you were just not old enough. Or because it was simply forbidden without any further reason.

The things out of reach are typically the most interesting. This seems to be deeply ingrained in all living creatures (well perhaps not in plants, fungus, or bacteria, but who knows?). My cat is a perfect example: Every time I close the door to the living room, you can be sure that the critter is suddenly sitting in front of it as if out of nowhere, complaining bitterly, clearly having an urgent need to get out (or in), even if she was sound asleep a second before. But at the very moment I open the door again, she looks at me like I'm being a bit silly, turns around and heads back to her sleeping spot.

When I look at this, I have a hypothesis about how the world will end: Some descendant of mankind will find hidden deep in a secret rock chamber a red button with the inscription "Never, ever press this button" and curiously wonders what would happen if he did ...

Why does it happen?

Simply said: if one of our core basic needs, the need for autonomy is violated, we feel the urge to push back. We feel (and often show) reactance.

The effect was extensively studied by Jack W. Brehm in the 1960s. He was the first to express “the idea fundamental to reactance theory, namely, that people become motivationally aroused by a threat to or elimination of a behavioral freedom”. Today, reactance is considered to be one of the three most important reaction patterns to external pressure or restrictions in the science of human behavior in the workplace, next to over-conformity and learned helplessness (see also my newsletter 23 about the “Illusion of Control”).

But like many of the fundamental biases, reactance has been well-known – at least subconsciously – by our ancestors long before Psychology was established as a science. A prominent example is the story of Romeo and Juliet, in which parental resistance to their relationship intensified the romantic feelings of the two lovers. In psychological literature, we even find the so-called Romeo and Juliet effect as a specific variant of reactance.

How can we avoid it?

My favorite life hack is to turn the interdiction into a command and then see what it does to me. If I see a sign telling me that it’s forbidden to cross the street where I’m standing, I mentally change it into “you MUST cross the street here”. In most cases my urge to disobey the initial order is gone or at least reduced.

Another tip is to carefully check whether a desire is a true one or just a forbidden-fruit-effect. Do I really want this? How would it really feel if I got it in the end?

What I find interesting in this context is the approach of actively “belittling” the need that is triggered via reactance – as beautifully depicted in the fable The Fox and the Grapes: “Driven by hunger, a fox tried to reach some grapes hanging high on the vine but was unable to, although he leaped with all his strength. As he went away, the fox remarked 'Oh, you aren't even ripe yet!’”

So instead of adding to the desire for something unattainable, we can tell ourselves it wouldn't have been worth the effort anyway. Perhaps this is a much wiser way to avoid the frustration that often comes with reactance-driven pseudo-needs.

Finally, you can even use the effect in your own favor if you like to be a bit manipulative. Particularly if you have to deal with nay-sayers. Instead of trying to convince them to say “yes” to your proposal, you just state that he or she will for sure say “no” again…

What’s your thinking around that?

Does this sound familiar to you? Any own experiences or stories you would like to share? Please start a conversation in the comments section!

#decisionmaking #bias