Forced Applause
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Forced Applause

THE invites went out. The crowd has gathered. The anticipation of the Grand Opening has been eagerly anticipated. The countdown is over. IT’S SHOWTIME !

Well, not quite yet.  

First, we must endure the person who takes the stage in a stuffy suite and says: “ OK … I’ll be brief since I’m the only one standing between you and the …” ( please eradicate that line from every welcome speech forever ).  Then, of course he isn’t brief at all. He now proceeds to thank every person who had a role in launching this endeavor. And of course, precedes all of the introductions of these “contributors” with a feeble request saying: “ Let’s give a nice round of applause to ..." (please crush and burn this line too), of which those in the audience reluctantly respond with a lame and insincere forced clap wondering how many of these faceless human beings WILL actually stand between us and the main event. And so goes the painful ritual that we need to package up and send off to the land of Radio Shack.  

I recently attended a spectacular grand opening of a vibrant new facility. I recall the excitement of seeing the building design, the smell of the new fabrics, the innovative lighting and art displays that adorned the new space. I vividly recall the spectacular catering that was extended to all who accepted the invite and thoroughly enjoyed mingling and meeting new people in my community that would end up utilizing this new facility.

What I DON’T recall … is even one name of the seven individuals that were introduced prior to the festivities. Not a single one. I don’t even remember the gentleman who was doing the “honors”.  Like most of the audience, I took a deep breath and proceeded to check my messages on my phone and tried out the new security app that allows me to check on my dog while I’m away from home.  

WHY … do we think that this dreadful custom of preceding opening events with mindless introductions and recognitions offers any enhancement to the otherwise celebrated occasion? This nauseating tradition has to be the world’s greatest buzz kill.

A month ago, I attended the opening of a new city-center restaurant. I can speak for all of the attendees that we were quite stoked to meet the highly touted new chef that had been featured in the local pubs for the previous two weeks. BUT … before we were awarded that privilege, we had to wrangle up our fake applause for the banker who financed the project, followed by the owner of the building, the city council woman who approved the zoning, the food purveyors who donated the food and liquor for opening night, and finally the strange looking fellow who arranged the quartet that were taking a smoking break during this moment of torture.

I don’t remember a single name -or face - of that illustrious group that “was standing between us and the incredible tastings that was in store”. (Stomp it)

WHAT I DO recall from that evening is meeting the engaging chef as she described her vision for this new establishment and the incredible presentations on display for the guest’s enjoyment.  

Is there some wicked medieval social norm that dictates before anyone is permitted to enjoy a delightful new experience that it is first necessary to punish the attendees with twenty minutes of fingernails on a chalkboard?  What kind of sick trade-off is that?  

LET’S STOP THE SELF-SERVING madness. Yes it is true that behind any successful endeavor there are numerous hard-working folk who have contributed in varying degrees to what is a wonderful new attraction, event, monument, or cause.  Yes … and they did so out of duty, honor, love, financial gain, or the goodness of their heart. But I promise all you arrangers of ribbon cuttings and opening ceremonies … your invited guests DO NOT REMEMBER these introductions.  The next day, they are NOT talking about these “VIPs” that delayed the main event.  They ARE talking about the star of the show … the reason that they came in the first place.  

And for all of you hard-working, dedicated, and driven individuals who contributed their time, resources, vision, love, blood, sweat, and tears … your true reward is the crowd that showed up to enjoy all that you built, NOT you getting up and saying something that nobody will ever remember. You would be much better served by proactively walking around, introducing yourself and asking the audience about their reaction to the new offering.  

NOTE TO ALL EVENT PLANNERS:  What can replace the ancient and numbing tradition of pre-event accolades and endless requests for forced applause? Think interactive. Design the ceremonies as if you were one of the participants. Would you want to sit/stand through 20 minutes of brow beating? No. Las Vegas does it right. They always seem to understand the pre-event routine by tantalizing visual and interactive selections all leading up to the BIG reveal.

Next time the “suits” suggest that THEY are the “pre-event” JUST SAY NO. Tactfully explain that a significant investment has gone into this launch night and that we need to “crush it”. Convey that it’s about immersion, participation, and stimulating the senses. Kindly suggest that hearing from six individuals making a lame attempt at witty phrases and hearing their own voices is NOT how to kick off this show.  ###

Author’s note: I would like to thank my many mentors, coaches, family members who have supported me in voicing my opinions over the year. And, my dog. Can we give them all a round of forced applause?  



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