Forgiveness allows you to grow beyond what you are

“I can see that there was nothing to forgive, that I was the one who caused my own problems.” -Byron Katie. Therefore, you can hold yourself “beyond forgiveness” your entire life but there is always a path to health waiting if you want it. Once hurt, egocentricity keeps its defenses up. Ego can be defensive the point of the total distortion of what is really true.

Basically the distortion caused by projection can be significant enough where truth is actually reversed: You blame the other for what you have been guilty of yourself. You may declare you have none of this guilt. You may conclude projection is not true for you. But how would you know if you have denied or repressed your own words or actions?

And projection is one of the most potent ego defenses. It hides the offense in your unconscious. Then it projects it out onto another. Your guilt is now well protected. How likely are you to suspect yourself as guilty of something while you condemn it in another?All that is left is a vague feeling, a pang of guilt. Despite this exquisite ego self-deception, you know on some level you are not as innocent as you assert.

When you go "beyond redemption" when you purposely reject, deny or resist the truth; when you insist that you are right in the situation and stop there even though you have a sense that you did play a role in the circumstance. It is extreme self-indulgence to make a conscious resolution that you do not want to know the truth about the matter. Instead of truth, you may cling to being right. Instead of truth, you may prefer to keep your rage. Instead of truth, you may wish to hurt the other.

But a campaign against the truth is futile and exhausting. In a moment when you feel safe, the battle can slip away. It takes only a tiny opening, a momentary curiosity about the truth, and insights and healing will enter. It may take time to reach the threshold of wanting the truth. Consulting a mental health professional may be helpful. And often in a case where there is abuse, you may need to remove yourself from the abuser physically.

This all depends on how you treat people. I forgive most things that have been done to me and I only hope I am forgiven for any bad things I might have done to people. I have a particular problem with forgiving and believing in redemption for One Person Only, this is after she asked for help from a few other people, as it turned out I was at the bottom of the list. To me that is unforgivable by the way it turned out after nearly two years of free therapy.

She took me for a right ride and took all I had, planned it out and made me look a real idiot, as far as my bank account and mind. I cannot forgive her until she admits she was wrong and pays back what she conned me out of. This is someone who is earning three times my income as I am retired now, and she has shown no remorse, no signs of even wanting to talk to me or explain things to me as why she acted as she did.

If she was going to repay and say sorry, then I would be able to forgive her and then I would know she had redeemed herself. This is the way I look at this as a lot think going to a priest and giving confession, then they are forgiven, I do not believe in that. I believe that if you are going to use religion, then you directly ask God for forgiveness and Never Ever do that same Sin ever again.

Then I believe you can be forgiven and are redeemed, if you are religious, I am not that religious but I do believe in a higher being - God -.Just remember this is only my personal view, and the way I have experienced many people treating me badly and doing things to me that I would not normally forgive, but because revenge is not a nice thing to go for, except for the one I cannot forgive. I will haunt her until she either breaks or tells me what and why and pays back what she owes me.

But I might not be the best person to answer this question, but if you would have asked me about two years ago, I would have given a very different answer. This is why I believe we have the emotion of Guilt. It is there to remind us of what really bad things we have done and not asked for or made amends for. This is my thoughts at this time as the last straw broke me, and I am very bitter about it and will not be able to forgive.

As I say most of the people that have hurt me, cheated me, been unkind to me, I have forgotten which in a way is forgiven and not let their actions change my life, only this last one, that is why I cannot give you a better response as I cannot trust people as I used to and i do not see any redemption for her, as I believe she will live a life of guilt and be in hell her whole life as I was not the first she treated this way. Not so much the actions, more the lies and planning that got to me.