Forgiveness and Freedom: Navigating the Complexities of Letting Go and Moving Forward

We had family visit us and as most families have, some of us have had differences in our lives. We started talking about forgiving and forgetting and forgiving but not forgetting.

It got me to thinking.  What do I do and how does that impact my life?

Upon reflection, when I was younger, I wanted to keep the peace. Mostly I forgave and forgot.  With experience, this turns into mistrust when someone has done me wrong. Mistrust does not sit well with my values.

Everyone makes mistakes, so how many times should you give a person the chance to be better? We are all human, nobody is perfect. 

Is this naive?

I look back and think about when someone has looked to do me harm personally, for whatever reason. The hurt that I felt, the humiliation, the unjustness of it. Over the years, I have taken the stance that karma would do their work. It isn't worth the angst of concerning myself or using energy on 'What ifs'. What has happened, has happened. I’m not going to lie, it took me a while to get to this point when I was personally hurt very badly, I was very poorly both physically and mentally, I had counselling, I took up meditation, I read self-help books, I learned more about myself.

Do I forgive them? Yes, because they knew no better.  Do I forget? No, because they made me a better person, even though that time made me ill.  They knew no better.  I can only wish that they become better people and more compassionate.  It helped me be quite clear on expectations and consequences, for myself and those around me.  

Karma is a funny thing though isn't it.  If you were treated unfairly, would you wish that on anyone else? I wouldn't.  So, is it better for your soul to forgive and forget? Life happens, how you deal with things that happen to you is down to you, your values, your credibility, your authenticity, your reputation. Most importantly, how you think about yourself.  Do you love yourself enough to not hold onto anger etc?

It reminds me of the Disney 'Frozen’ song 'Let it go' and if you don't, it eats you up and can make you ill and not a nice person to be around.

So next time something not so nice happens, question yourself, is it worth yourself being eaten up with anger, hate and dislike.  Rise above it and prove to everyone that you are truly awesome and be kind. 

Be kind and forgiving to yourself. None of us are getting out of here alive, so learn and take that learning into living your best life. Remember though that if you do have anger held inside yourself, get rid of it somehow. I remember my counsellor telling me to go out into the woods, get a large stick and hit a tree. I couldn’t do it. It didn’t sit well with my values. So I wrote a letter to those that had wronged me. I obviously didn’t send it, but it was cathartic, it helped me let go.

What are your thoughts? Do you forgive and forget or do you hold a grudge?

How does this impact on you mentally and physically?

Please share your stories - we can learn from each other.

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