Form Your sentence

Written by: Eman Mousheir Ezzat                                         Date: September 2017

It always take us a negative incident that happen to appreciate a positive one.

An illness, a job loss, an accident, a death of a close one or even the simplest incidents of failure, losing a game or even a goal that we didn't achieve. All of this can let us realize what we really have. But the point here, how long will we have to wait and live in our misery, to realize and get the best out of each one those incident? How long will it take us to even appreciate what we have without prioritizing a negative thought than a positive blessing.

Can we think about our blessings?! yes books told us count your blessings from how healthy you are, or how much you have, or how many people are in your life or even what food you eat or what category of society you are; but unfortunately no books told us how to create the blessing in times needed and not needed. No one ever told us how to create a winning from the loss. They may have wrote it and may said "you have to be a fighter" but they never said you can be a loser a weak and a person who cant bear the pain, yet you can think of your pain as the blessing. Yes believe me you can, you know why?! Because you are the blessing, sometimes we have to realize that yes its ok not to be ok, yes its ok to lose, to get ill, to feel others pain to live our close ones loss. Yes the blessing is actually being there with them, to support them, to have the chance to live with those close ones for sometime, yes the blessing to lose; because its the best thing to actually be there and compete in the first place. Yes its a blessing to feel the pain because simply feeling the pain is realIzing you are a normal healthy person from the start. Yes its the blessing to take your time and feel lost as to realize you are there living and feeling. 

The known part of a good life is to feel good, but for me the part of a good life is to feel not ok, to know what does it mean to feel good. The love the pain, the winning the loss, the failure the success they are all adjectives and verbs we put together to form sentences to align what we want to express but actually they are just words; words in order but most importantly is what is the correct order for you.

Today I watched a movie who gave me the chance to feel am not ok, yes am not ok after watching that movie, I heard a quote stating; "I never read a book about myself though its always good to know about things you actually do not know about yourself". I wish I can read the book about myself to find my words in order; to know what to feel before what to know or know before I feel. I can get myself in order but actually this can just be disordered for others. It doesn't actually matter the only thing that matters is to put yourself in the order that make sense to you. 

Am not a person who would tell you yes go ahead and disregard others, cause simply others are those who help us forming the order of our inner soul sentences. Not all (others) I would say, but others that mean others for you; cause whenever you tell yourself I don't care about those (others), believe me you already cared by taking the time and saying that. Yes form your own order but that is just to get yourself in order, yes don't feel ok, yes take your time disordered but at the end you will realize that was the blessing from the start, to live the disorder to order. 

Pain is tangible but happiness is not; its inevitable. Believe me the worst kind of disorder is to feel lost, lost can be a word people use when they don't find the correct direction to walk, or when they do not reach the destination; but for me lost is actually finding a new way to walk through, a destination that you didn't expect reaching, a blessing that you missed being thankful for, as actually you reached somewhere; yes its not fulfilling your plans or your first expectations but yet it is a place that you reached not by chance.

Chances are opportunities, you may have read this before but I never believed opportunities come by chance, we derive it from our own paths, our losses, our failures or even our negative incidents that doesn't not happen by chance. Count how many blessings you may find by the chance that you created an opportunity.

I would move on or just stop, I would read a lot or just watch, I would walk or I would run, they are all my choices to put things in order. The only way you might get in order is by getting disordered. Live it as it is but create your blessings. Watch it and listen before you react it. You do not feel ok, then simply its ok stop being ok and announce you are not ok but don't leave yourself disordered, create your order. Yes some can blame you but just get it as love, sincerity and true care as if they didn't blame then simply they didn't care. Live it with yourself not for yourself; "With" differs a lot from "for", "with" means you are aligned and accepting yourself for who you are and creating the blessings of living with it. "For" might take you to another direction, where you will put your words in a total disorder from what around you. 

One day, I felt disordered, I lost my dad, I left everything for starting a new beginning, I lived the illness and critical heath issue to my closest one, yes I felt disordered, I felt loss, i still feel not ok, but I tried one thing to put things in order the big "Why" and the blessed "How"; Why will I stay there and How to get along with myself before getting along with others. A lot told me take your time, some said please tell us what you need, some left in-silence, some said scream it out you are not ok now but we will wait for you when you are back again; from over here and after sometime creating my blessings and trying to get my words in order I would tell you all; yes I will be back or actually am back but not the same as you expect, as simply I put things in a new order, I created the blessings that I wanted to live with. I realized am actually blessed by being lost. I knew a new path, I move with the flow, I drowned in my bad thoughts but I will keep fighting doing one thing putting my words in order creating my own blessed sentences that is actually living with my new self. Learning from those who cared, living for those who actually gave me the best memories that I lost tangibly but its all rooted in heart. Being a reason to help others finding their order and giving the hand of aid to those who wants to get disordered.

My words can make no sense to some and balance to others but for me I finally made it in order. In the order where I will live and form my blessings and share my sentences with all and live; all what am sure of its not the end its not the last paragraph as definitely I will get disordered from my current order and will need to reconsider my correct order again. But finally I wont wait for another negative incident to happen to realize the blessings I can create and I actually live with myself.

Thank you and please (Ptu Htsi Ni Roedr) :)

With love,

Eman Mousheir ( my name is special just by having yours after it)

Dedicated to those who helped me finding the order