Four Must-Have Listening Skills for Leaders Today

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak – Epictetus.

When was the last time you really listened?

Real listening is rare because most of the time when someone else is speaking we are thinking about what we will say next or waiting for our turn to speak.

Relationships are rewarding and resilient when all parties feel heard and understood. Listening is a skill we often forget to practice particularly in times of uncertainty or stress when we can become distracted or too critical in an attempt to control when all else is uncontrollable. Plus, in this age of instant communication, it is easy to be in a rush to instantaneously communicate what is on our mind. Agenda-driven and time-pressured we often go from meeting to meeting, email to email so outcome-focused that we forget to listen properly.

More than ever, now is the time to listen to each other, our employees, our leadership, our customers, our competitors, our friends, and our loved ones.

Forgetting to listen properly can have a significant impact: It can mean we miss the full picture, focus only on transactional relations rather than building meaningful connections, and we remain too fixed on what we already know. Critically, listening helps us to realize the value of what can be gleaned from the minds of others that can help us make better decisions based on better informed judgements.

It sounds simple. So how do we do it?

Active or real listening is hearing the complete message being communicated. It is about seeing things from other people’s perspective, engaging empathically and being open to changing our own opinions. It is a display of respect, an expression of care and an integral part of the framework that builds psychologically safe environments. 

During 2020, our ITS REFOCUS program dedicated deep dive sessions to enhance the listening skills of our leadership and management teams and support them to lead a culturally safe work environment. We introduced tools and techniques to influence our team dynamic and behavior and shift mindsets to increase our ability to engage in more productive dialogue.

As a team, we found the following four Must-Have Listening Skills: 

1. Give full attention – stay focused and quieten your own thoughts. Listen fully to what is not being said. Observe the speaker’s actions, facial expressions and listen out for emotions and energy behind the words being said.
2. Show you are listening – remember what is being said and reflect the speaker’s words back to them. Show humility, interest, and curiosity by asking open-ended questions.
3. Provide space – allow the speaker to finish without interruption, interrogation or being challenged.
4. Respond appropriately – be respectful of the speaker’s opinion even if you disagree: By understanding one another’s position you can work towards a shared goal.

It is not easy to control our impulse to speak. Many of our behaviors are habitual and probably none more so than talking. 

Listening is a vital skill we should all spend more time cultivating. Being fully present mentally and physically signals to others that they are valued, builds trust, forms stronger connections, and ultimately helps to achieve better results. We all need to develop a talk less, listen more approach but with patience and practice we can improve the effectiveness and quality of our conversations.

In true listening spirit, I would be happy to hear your thoughts!

Sabine