From Inner Conflict to Innate Calmfidence
How to stop self-sabotaging, end inner conflict and move with Clarity, Congruence, and Commitment in one direction!
Author: Nell Puetter
When a thousand things are going on our mind (and desk), the situation often leads to inner confusion, unwanted stress, pressure, frustration due to slow or no progress, even addiction or health issues. As a result, we start to wonder about our lack of energy, low motivation, irritation, and procrastination. We might be constantly fighting with ourselves over what we want.
To achieve that very thing, we force discipline and willpower on us. It aggravates internal conflict within us because we are wanting contradictory things. For example, we want to complete an important project within a short time range but we distract ourselves with other insignificant things too. In the last few days, we overwork our-self and also want our health to be unaffected.
Perhaps you want to raise your game and move on to the upgraded level but you lack natural motivation and energy to do so. It’ll then lead to a situation where a person is left with only one option and that is to question his abilities, which marks a negative impact on his state of mind and leads to self-criticism and disappointment.
Moreover, unconscious distractions start to come up when we are actually supposed to be going at full speed! That’s where problems start taking root and we unconsciously enter a battlefield fighting with ourselves.
Instinctively we want to avoid such situations not just for us but for people around us who are connected to us one way or another.
However, it seems that no matter how much we try, we find ourselves in a conflict one way or another. It's almost as if an automatic or an unconscious part of us is standing in our way and forcing us to feel as if we are being torn apart and pieces of our mind are being scattered in every direction. This creates a massive split and confusion, and we fall into inaction, distraction, reaction, or the wrong action trap!
As a result, we end up in a more complex state. Our thoughts become more fast-forward, but we are sadly left with less clarity, less calmness, and a lack of congruence and as such we are unable to give our full strength and let our true potential shine through.
Our increasing inner conflicts drain our motivation and make us procrastinate so much that it sabotages our desired outcomes and exhausts us mentally. We are left with worrying, stress, insomnia, and analysis paralysis that even the easiest tasks are abandoned due to suppressed decision-making power.
In one case, you want to spend more time with your loved ones, but there’s always a compelling thing for you to stay chained to your desk. You are unable to give them the time, love, and attention they deserve, which makes you feel guilty and frustrated in the long run.
On one hand, you love a person, but you are also scared to commit. It only tires your mind and soul. You constantly think about how to show your emotions to the person you love but you are unable to do anything about it.
In some cases, when people are trying to start a new chapter of life, they keep on procrastinating and juggling what they should do to achieve what they desire.
But they are powerless when they can’t dare to take risky steps for the things they want. Eventually, they lose all the confidence and self-esteem as their mind-chatter gets in their way to meaningful growth.
Being the leader, there’s a responsibility on you but one part of you wants to go after a new market segment, but another part of you wants to play safe.
These mixed-up situations are the root cause of change in behaviors which slowly leads to a trap of frustration, stress, and disappointment.
Instead of overthinking, staying awake all night, vacillating back and forth between contradictory options, how would it be like to act with an authentic response?
The truth is: you can't win the war against yourself!
So how do you liberate yourself from the trap of inner battle and move forward?
A person makes up to 10,000 decisions daily and becomes aware of them only moments after taking them. One fine research shows that deep processes involving unconscious factors shape our thinking, actions, and decision-making ability at an automatic level & confirm that most of our decisions are made unconsciously.
It is as if there is a part of us making us do or think something before us realizing the fact.
When there are contradictory parts, wants, needs, and desires, inner conflicts are born. It becomes even more complex if unsolved, when our contradictory parts, wants, and desires make us be torn apart and pulled in a different direction, hindering us from actually getting what we want!
And there is an easier way to make peace with these conflicting parts at the deepest level and moving forward.
Instead of overthinking, forcing willpower on ourselves, juggling between the back and forth between contradictory options, how would it be to have a natural, powerful response within, that makes you feel liberated, confident, and calm when your actions are in sync with your values and with who you are?
Well, first of all, it’s common to be consciously aware of only one side of an inner conflict. Therefore the first step is to be open to the idea that there is a minimum of two parts (or more ) involved in your issue.
Be courageous to deep dive & take the Right Action!
Most of us want to thrive, contribute positively, and be confident and congruent with the self and the world. It is already discussed that inner conflicts have a direct relationship with how we feel about life in general.
So, the next step is to be courageous to deep dive and take the right action!
However, some people avoid clarity, because it is easier and more comfortable to find many excuses to stay in a comfort zone. Avoiding clarity in personal or professional life out of fear may be more comfortable, but it won’t make us happier, or better.
And so, some people escape in distraction, inaction, or wrong actions the unpleasant feelings and learn to adapt and live with them because it is easier in a short term to.
Distraction, inaction, reaction, and wrong action are coping tactics of the survivor. If you want to thrive, you have to take the Right Action!
Because, with the passage of time, the mind and body become worn out with all the overthinking, insecurities, and frustrations. In simple words, we may become detached from our true self, when our inner mind conflicts rule our lives for a long period of time.
There are cases as well in which people unknowingly suppress unwanted parts or fight them. But let me tell you one thing straight, it’ll only worsen your situation in the long run.
A client of mine, a young entrepreneur has given up completely on his passion to play tennis, as he knows even diligently works on weekends. No doubt, he ignores the inner part, that has a desire to play, have fun and engage in physical activities or have social exchange outside his work environment. Whenever a desire to play tennis comes up, he would ignore it. And so if the “fun” part is being suppressed for a long time, it may respond at an unconscious level with heavy emotions such as low motivation, resentment, passive-aggressive behavior, apathy, overwhelmed feelings, self-victimization, helplessness, self-sabotage, self-criticism, procrastination, frustration, hopelessness, etc.
In some cases, it happens that a person is blank on even the happiest news and doesn’t know how to react.
Recognizing and integrating all inner parts of ourselves is a holistic process that usually occurs in steps and is often facilitated by professional therapies or one’s coach.
There is an easier way which you can act on starting from now on!
You can shift from inner conflict to inner Clarity, Congruence, and Calmfidence when you know how to make peace with your conflicting desires and know, how to partner with your unconscious mind for achieving something you want! Let’s explore >
There exists a way to reclaim your Calmfidence, liberated feeling, moving in one direction with your whole being synchronized with your mind, and knowing that your actions are in perfect harmony with your own values and beliefs which makes you who you are!
Partner with your unconscious to achieve maximum results in the minimum of time, without inner battling, without the need to fight with your autonomic thoughts. Because only being courageous, deep diving, and exploring all parts involved in this struggle can help you find the solution for it. In the end, you surely become the one who’s got peace of mind just because you were brave enough to take steps.
The good news is that transformative and integrative approach works at the deeper, automatic level so that the solutions you find will be just as automatic.
So instead of trying to get rid of these unwanted "conflicting parts" of ourselves, we should partner with them for achieving something we want with ease, achieving maximum results in the minimum of time, and enjoying our natural motivation for a thriving and flourishing life.
If there's something speaking to you, and you started to already see, what you've already got as a blueprint, in order to thrive in every single area of your life, we really want to accelerate this for yourself.
So, if this is resonating and you like the idea of really tapping into your full potential, that's already there, right now - let's explore. Let's have a conversation and see what this means for you.
Transformative work is designed to effortlessly activate your innate capacity for seeing clearly through situations, stepping into your inner Calmfidence, without needing to force yourself or practice yet another routine or learn a new skill, without you needing to do, think, implement or figure out anything.
Transformative coaching works on the basis that we are all born with an innate clarity and natural motivation for thriving and flourishing.
It works on the basis that we all have a built-in blueprint and are born with the capacity to navigate the ups and downs of life's journey with ease while contributing to well-being in life and beyond.
ABOUT NELL PUETTER
As a postgraduate in Positive Psychology and Mental Health, I am an award-winning Self-Leadership Expert and a certified Positive Leadership Trainer and Coach.
As the founder of Calmfidence® Academy, my mission is to assist exceptional individuals in discovering their inner congruent fulfilment and unleashing their creative power. From the inside out. I collaborate with those who aspire to leave this planet a better place.
My mission is to empower business owners, entrepreneurs and leaders through inner transformative work, helping them shift from OVER-THINKING-NESS to inner CALMFIDENCE.
As a result, they create an impact in the world they were meant for, both on a professional and personal level.
Through my executive coaching experience, I’ve seen many professionals struggle for years with the same issues. Even though they perfectly understood their problem on an intellectual level and had the necessary skills, there was something holding them back to live their true potential.
So, I decided to go deeper with my coaching approach, helping people to partner with their unconscious mind, shifting whatever it is that is holding them back, declutter their minds, reduce stress, and master emotions while accessing their potential at the deepest level.
Ready to embark on the path of enhanced performance and prosperity by mastering self-leadership?
Any journey starts with looking at the road map, where you are now and where you want to go!
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