From Overwhelmed to In Control: My Journey of Relocation and Self-Discovery

I recently moved to Germany from the Netherlands. As exciting and important as it sounds, with every move, there are a lot of situations to take care of; from packing the old apartment to hunting for a new one, getting registered in the new place, opening a bank account, and getting all the utilities up and running, just to name a few. A lot can go as smooth as silk, and a lot can go utterly wrong. What makes it or breaks it is how you deal with each situation, knowing that for each problem, there is a solution. By dealing, I mean how you react to what is thrown at you. The bank asking for a code you didn’t get, thus delaying the opening of the bank account by 2 weeks; the utilities hunting you down asking for large pre-payments without giving extra information. All of it in a language you learned extensively quite some years ago and are still not fluent in. You get the gist.

Looking back at the past 3 months, I realized that I let my saboteurs rule me instead of understanding I was under their influence and doing something about it.

The Lies

I started packing in October because the restless one (one of my saboteurs) told me, “The earlier you start, the better it is!” Then my hyper-achiever (BFF with the restless) told me, “If you want to pack faster, do at least 5 boxes per day and call the real estate agent STAT so that you get two birds with one stone!” There is nothing wrong with packing in advance. Potentially, a lot can go wrong when you are combining it with a full-time job and studying for a master’s. Ignoring all the signals your body is sending you, such as not thinking clearly and experiencing physical pain, is definitely never a good idea. In short, your saboteurs are not only ruling you, they are also lying to you, and you simply believe them.

The Consequences

I landed in Germany with no energy left, a gazillion of bureaucracy to deal with, and no preparation whatsoever on what was needed to start a new life in a different country. My hyper-achiever kept telling me, “You’ve done it when you moved from Italy to the Netherlands, how difficult can it be?” - another lie. Though it was true on one side, on the other, having an idea of the sequence of what’s needed or even talking to someone already on site could have made things easier. This led to an increase in stress when a bureaucratic process didn’t go smoothly. Considering that you are dealing with all of them in one go - organizing the different utilities, getting registered in the country, setting up your own company - you can only imagine that a simple internet router connecting after 1 hour instead of the expected 30 minutes can drive you to the verge of tears. I was burned out before even starting.

What You Are Losing

Needless to say, the classic ‘What was I thinking?’ came out a lot in my head. I knew I was not dealing with the process of relocation in a good way. My energy was low, as well as my mood. Moreover, I was definitely not living in the moment. Enjoying a new house with a nice garden, the different scenery outside, the big change in my life moving from one country to another. Because my saboteurs were ruling me, I couldn’t even see - let alone understand - what I was losing.

How to Regain Control

Realizing, day after day, that I was not in charge of myself made me extremely frustrated. At this point, I knew I had a choice. Either let my saboteurs lead me or take control. I chose the latter and established a basic 3-step process to put in place when feeling highly stressed.

First step: Acknowledge which saboteur is leading me at that moment. This helps me understand which of my saboteurs I am dealing with.

Second step: Use the S.T.O.P. (Stop - Take a deep breath - Observe - Proceed) acronym to unplug the saboteur. Doing this gives me the time to clear my head of negative thoughts.

Third step: Add a daily 10-minute meditation to slow down and be in the moment. By doing this, I counteract my restless and hyper-achiever saboteurs who want me to go faster.

There is a Fine Line

Being a hyper-achiever or always being in motion onto the next task is not, per se, negative. It becomes detrimental when you feel exhausted, stressed, exasperated, and ultimately dragged into a downward spiral. That’s the moment when your saboteurs are ruling you and your life. That is the moment when you are limiting yourself by believing that going faster (or what your saboteurs are telling you) is the best for you, while, if you think about it, it’s actually not.

"What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create" - Buddha

About Elena

Elena added the role of career reinvention coach to her 2 decades of pricing and forecasting roles in American and Japanese corporations. Today, through her 3 programs, she coaches career conflicted top-level professionals reinventing themselves and find great fulfilment in their work.

 “Twist your career into a new profession” 1:1 tailored sessions to have a 360 degrees pivot into a new role.

“Turn your strengths into superpowers” 1:1 tailored sessions to up-skill and re-skill natural talents increasing confidence and productivity.

“Job Landing Strategy©” 5 sessions to look for a new job and maximize the chances to be selected.

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