From Prisoner to Ph.D.

My name is Jason and I'm an addict.

This is an open letter to people who struggle with addiction. 

It's for family members and friends. It's for those with loved ones who continue to struggle. 

I want you to know unequivocally that there is hope.

I spent 14 years struggling with addiction. 6 of those years I was trying to quit. I'm grateful today because I recently celebrated 8 years of continuous sobriety. 

It was the same day I defended my dissertation.

Addiction is no small thing. The word itself comes from the Latin word addicere which meant to sell someone into slavery in ancient Rome. And that's exactly what it feels like: something else has absolute power over you. 

Addiction is insidious. It convinces you that you are making competent, rational, reasonable choices when you are not. When you try to quit using, it convinces you, little by little, to take steps towards relapse. When you try to repair relationships, it convinces you that your friends and family members are wrong. It sees them as a threat to its survival. When you are sober, it remains a small, but present whisper in your ear for months, sometimes years to come.

My story is simple. I did what I thought everyone else was doing in high school when I started drinking or using drugs on occasion. I arrived at college (without a plan besides football) and there was more. More parties, more substances, more opportunities. Then, football ended abruptly when my lung collapsed.

I was left without a purpose, but I had plenty of access to substances that made me feel temporarily better.

Fast forward a decade, and I was in jail for the 4th time. 12 days in, on a cot nonetheless, I was contemplating ending my life. Then, I turned toward something that I had walked away from years before: faith.

My parents were amazing. They raised me in the church, taught me values and morals, and made sure I saw their faith in action. They didn't know that in those evenings of having me read Bible verses or praying with me, or the Sundays spent taking me to Sunday school were planting the seeds in my life that eventually sprouted at the right moment to save my life. Or maybe they did.

I took the first step and gave my life over to God, because the thing that dictated my life at that time, alcohol, was a garbage leader.

I won't say it was easy. This was the first moment of 6 years trying to quit. I relapsed several times. I went to jail twice more. I lost friendships. I nearly lost my marriage.

But faith and the support and unconditional love of my wife and family saved my life. I went to multiple 12 step groups and counseling. I started personal training and took care of my physical health. I connected with healthy relationships. 

Notice, it was not me that saved my life. I only made the decision to go in the right direction. I needed the help of other people to be free.

For those of you struggling with addiction, I know what it's like. It doesn't have to end the way it's going. There is hope. You can heal. But you will need help to do it.

For the loved ones watching their family member or friend struggle, don't give up. Don't ever give up. Yes, you need to have boundaries and you can't enable them, but you can still treat them with love, even if that requires distance. 

I used to be a prisoner to addiction. Today, I get to walk across the stage to receive my Ph.D. I know firsthand that the journey doesn't end with sobriety. You can do much more than you would ever believe.

Us addicts do have an innate gift. We can keep going. When aimed at alcohol or drugs, it creates pain in our lives and the lives of those around us. When aimed at a good purpose, with the right people around us, and based on values and principles, we are unstoppable. 

So go get the help you need and make the decision to use your powers for good. I now have an amazing wife, three beautiful children, a home, a business with 12 employees, and healthy friendships. I am whole, today. I went back to school for 8 years and earned my doctorate in psychology so that I can help others the way people helped me.

This is what addicts can do.

Love,

Dr. Jason Mogus

Addict, Husband, Father, Entrepreneur, Researcher, Teacher, Therapist, Friend.

P.S. I will leave you with a poem that I have very much come to appreciate:

There's a Hole in My Sidewalk by Portia Nelson

Chapter One

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost… I am helpless.

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in the same place.

But it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in… it’s a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault… I get out immediately.

Chapter Four

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter Five

I walk down another street.