From Struggle to Freedom: My Journey Through Late ADHD and Autism Diagnosis
Ben Holmes
Founder of BH-Coaching and Consultancy | Founder of The Guiding Light Mental Health Charity | #Autistic | #ADHDer | Mental Health First Aider @MHFA England | Recovering from Eating Disorder & Addiction One Day at a Time
Early Struggles and Misunderstandings
From the age of eight, my life was a series of relentless struggles. School, meant to nurture and educate, quickly became a battleground. Teachers and classmates saw me, Ben, as a troublemaker—someone who couldn’t sit still, who blurted out inappropriate remarks, and who seemed to live in a world of his own. These early struggles were signs of a long journey that would take decades to fully understand.
My Mum, bewildered and concerned, sought help from various educational psychologists and counsellors. However, in the early 2000s, awareness of ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) was limited, particularly regarding late diagnosis. My behaviours were often attributed to a lack of discipline, leading to a cycle of frustration and misunderstanding.
The Turmoil of School Life
School became increasingly hostile for me. Constant reprimands and punishment for behaviours I couldn't control led to permanent exclusions from schools. Each new environment brought the same challenges, and my self-esteem plummeted. I felt like an outsider, struggling to understand why I was different and why fitting in seemed impossible.
Without proper support and understanding, I turned to drugs and alcohol as a means of escape from the relentless noise in my mind and the sensory overload of the world. This dark period was marked by a downward spiral leaving me to consider taking my own life on several occasions.
A Glimmer of Hope
Despite the chaos, I found hope in work. In my early twenties, I stumbled into a job in the storage industry. The repetitive nature of the work and the structured environment provided the stability I needed. My meticulous nature and hyper-focus, traits often misunderstood in school, became assets in my job.
I quickly become a leader and eventually becoming a successful director. The storage industry, with its emphasis on organisation and detail, matched my unique skill set perfectly. However, while I excelled in my career, my personal life remained in disarray.
Personal Struggles and Relationship Challenges
Relationships, both personal and professional, were fraught with difficulties. My inability to understand social cues and my blunt communication style led to frequent misunderstandings. Romantic relationships were particularly challenging. Partners often found my behavior perplexing and emotionally distant, leading to a string of failed relationships.
The loss of my partner was extremely painful. It wasn’t just the heartache of losing someone I loved; it was the overwhelming difficulty of coping with the changes that followed. My world, already fragile, crumbled further as I struggled to navigate the emotional turmoil and the new reality without my partner's support.
The Workplace Battle: A Lack of Support and the Emotional Toll
Despite my career success, I often felt unsupported, leaving me upset, angry, and overwhelmed. The lack of understanding from colleagues and leaders about my needs as an autistic person meant that I had to constantly fight to be taken seriously and have my contributions recognised (I haven't had a review on 5 years). This emotional toll amplified my feelings of frustration and isolation, complicating my journey toward self-acceptance and success.
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The Breakthrough: Diagnosis and Control
It wasn’t until my mid-thirties that I finally received the answers I had been seeking. A comprehensive evaluation led to a dual diagnosis of ADHD and Autism. This revelation brought relief and regret; I wondered how different my life might have been with an earlier diagnosis.
I also realised I had been battling bulimia for many years, exacerbated by my attempts to cope with overwhelming anxiety and emotional turmoil. Only after my diagnosis did I begin to understand and manage my eating disorder, finding healthier ways to cope and gaining control over my life.
Embracing Freedom and Moving Forward
With my diagnosis came a profound sense of freedom. The weight of confusion and self-doubt lifted as I understood my challenges were not personal failings but the result of unrecognised conditions. I became an advocate for myself, setting boundaries and communicating my needs more effectively.
This newfound self-awareness transformed my life. Rebuilt personal relationships, reconnecting with family and friends and explaining my past behaviours. Sharing my journey with openness and vulnerability brought about a renewed sense of connection and empathy.
Autism is a Spectrum: The Diversity and Complexity
Autism is a spectrum, meaning everyone with autism is different. Some, like me, may need little support, while others require continuous assistance. This diversity underscores that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to understanding or supporting autistic individuals.
One of the most challenging aspects of autism is the anxiety or upset that unfamiliar situations and social events can provoke. I find comfort in repetition, doing or thinking the same things over and over, as it provides a sense of predictability. This isn’t a choice; it’s a coping mechanism ingrained in my neurology.
People on the spectrum can struggle with recognizing their own emotions or may feel emotions more intensely than others. Biological differences in the arousal systems of our brains make emotional regulation a significant challenge. For me, this means that when I’m anxious or upset, it can feel overwhelming and all-consuming. Understanding these aspects of autism has been key to managing my emotions and reactions more effectively.
Conclusion
My journey from misunderstanding and struggle to diagnosis and self-acceptance has been long and arduous but incredibly rewarding. I stand as a testament to resilience and perseverance. From a misunderstood child to a successful adult, finally diagnosed and free from the shadows of undiagnosed ADHD and Autism, I remind myself daily of the importance of timely diagnosis and support. My late diagnosis was not an end but a new beginning, a chance to live a life unburdened by misunderstanding and filled with promise.
If you or someone you know is struggling with similar issues, consider seeking a comprehensive evaluation. Early diagnosis and intervention can profoundly affect your quality of life.
By: Ben, June 2024
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