From 'No' to 'Yes'

Recently, I wrote about the fact that A Loss Can Still be a Win, which triggered a former client to observe that an initial ‘No’ can also become a ‘Yes’.

Indeed.

And that reminded me of my own experiences of moving from 'No' to 'Yes' - and the experiences of some famous business leaders.

Walt Disney was fired early in his career because his editor thought he lacked imagination. His first animation company went bankrupt. And when he pitched the idea for Disneyland, he received ‘No’s’ from over 300 investors before finally securing funding.

Jack Ma heard ‘No’ on multiple occasions – not being hired for a job at KFC, not gaining admission to Harvard (10 times) and facing myriad setbacks in obtaining funding for Alibaba.

Sara Blakely, who recently sold Spanx for over $1 billion heard ‘no’ from multiple manufacturers before she convinced one to work with her on her invisible innerwear idea.

Each heard ‘No’, then refined their approach and persevered to ultimately earn a ‘Yes’.

The External 'No' and the Internal ‘No’

I imagine you’ve experienced times when you heard a clear ‘No’ from your stakeholders – especially if you’ve worked in sales and business development.

I’m wondering if you’ve also had moments of telling yourself  ‘No’ - especially when that ‘No’ was borne out of fear or uncertainty.

The External ‘No’

The external ‘No’ doesn’t just apply to leaders in client-facing roles, because, as the former marketer inside me frequently states, ‘We are all selling something’.

And if we are all selling something, at some stage, we are all going to hear a ‘No’.

Whether you’re an R&D leader seeking to convince the Board to invest in a promising project, a CTO aiming to switch out a major system, or an HR leader about to communicate the need for zero increments this cycle – you are seeking to influence.

Think of the ‘No’s’ you’ve received.

Were they due to any of these reasons?

You Didn't Really Know Your Audience

People tend to like people who are like them – at least initially (over time, that may wear off).

• Did you do your homework to know what kind of person you were about to interact with?
• Did you consider how they prefer to communicate?
• On a continuum of ‘frank and concise’ to ‘indirect and expansive’ where would you place them?
• Or in terms of ‘data or anecdotes’ what mix of each might be ideal?
• Did you know their context and engage them in a way that respectfully educated them on what they needed to know?

You Didn't Really Know the Decision-Maker

At times, it can be hard to gauge who is the decision-maker. Even if you know the designations, you might not know who within the team is influential in shaping the formal leader’s opinion.

• Did you prepare and consider the interests and potential objections from each stakeholder?
• And did you address each member of the team and elicit input from all present?

You Didn’t Really Know Your ‘Pitch’

Intertwined with knowing your audience is knowing what specifically to pitch when - and how to pitch it.

• Did you start with outlining the problem to ensure common understanding, or talking benefits because you believed everyone present knew the issues ?
• How much detail did you share – and when?
• Did you over-explain and lose people along the way?
• Perhaps you sequenced your pitch in such a way that the ‘high’ was in the middle, rather than the end – resulting in a loss of impact that could have paved the way for a yes.

They Just Weren’t Ready

Sometimes your counterpart just wasn’t ready. Maybe they had other priorities in that moment and they didn’t register the importance of your pitch.

That doesn’t mean to say you can’t work on points one and two above to ensure they grasp the relevance.

And it doesn’t mean they won’t ever be ready.

It’s a ‘No, not now,’ rather than a ‘No, never.’

Working on Gaining an External ‘Yes’

Gaining a ‘yes’ from external stakeholders requires more than knowing your audience and how best to connect and engage with them to land your pitch, it requires personal qualities, especially:

Curiosity & Creativity

To change an outcome, we know at least one input needs to change - what might that be?

• Who are the people you don't know who might be influencers - and what do they value?
• How might the stakeholders perceive you?
• How do the decision-makers work together?
• What are the different ways you can tailor your pitch to engage diverse perspectives yet address shared needs?

Flexibility

You know that everyone is not like you, so flexing your approach to cater to the needs of different people and different circumstances is essential.

You may even have worked out the type of approach that would work best with your stakeholder.

But do you actively seek to modify your behaviour to sync more with theirs?

Resilience

• How do you fuel your optimism to keep moving ahead?
• Are your mental, physical and emotional energies working together to generate the energy needed to display the necessary curiosity, creativity and flexibility?
• Or could you boost one of these sources of energy to strengthen your fortitude?

Supporters

Willpower and resilience are not finite resources. They typically dwindle if not refueled.

• Do you have supporters in place to encourage you along the way – to remind you of your strengths and your successes to date?
• And equally, do you have a Devil’s Advocate to challenge you – to provide honest counsel and ask the tough questions?

- How effectively have you structured your pitch to ensure the key message lands well?

- How are you blending data trends with anecdotes to convince the stakeholder?

- Right now, is seeking to influence this specific stakeholder the best use of your time?

Taking external stakeholders from a 'No' to a 'Yes' can be a long journey.

Is it worthwhile for you to embark on that journey, at this time and with this stakeholder(s)?

The Internal 'No'

How often do you sabotage yourself in the face of an exciting and daunting opportunity, with a ‘No’ - when what you really mean is ‘Yes… but I am worried it might not work out’.

Perhaps you:

• Dwell on what can’t or won’t work – negative self-talk that inhibits you from taking a step forward.
• Downplay your achievements, assuming others can do this just as well or better than you. (When it’s enough to know you can deliver this).
• Insist on all key variables being perfectly in place before embarking on the journey.
• Over-catastrophize past failures. OK, you lost out on that one deal, or you failed that paper of the tax exam – it doesn’t mean you can’t win the next deal or pass the paper next time. (Obviously, so long as you learn from your mistakes!)
• Look for external validation. Rather than cultivate your own self-belief, you continuously seek the belief of others in your abilities.  And perhaps you expect people to proactively provide that validation, rather than you actively asking for their input.  
• Pretend you’re busy with the non-essentials to avoid getting to grips with what you really would love to achieve.
• Surround yourself with people who are less ambitious than you, or who don’t support and encourage you.

If you recognize your behaviour in any of these actions, how about doing the opposite?

And along the way, take your ‘No’ to a ‘Yes’?

© Andrea Stone, Stone Leadership