Is there a Ghostbuster in the House?

Scheduled an interview for 3:00 PM. His resume is ready on my desk. Fresh pot of coffee brewed. Water cups next to the bubbler at the ready.

3:05 PM…perhaps he’s running late.

3:10 PM…my goodness, I hope everything is ok.

3:30 PM…I’ve been GHOSTED.

I’m sure many of you have experienced this, perhaps some of you have been the ghost.

In any case, I have a hard time coming to grips with this phenomenon. As a human, my first instinct is to worry about a candidate. Bad traffic? Accident? Trouble at home? Surely there must be a legitimate reason why the candidate isn’t here or is unable to communicate why they aren’t here.

After several “are you ok” messages aren’t responded to, the sad reality that ghosting has occurred slowly sinks in. I don’t know about you, but it’s not a pleasant feeling. One that I wish I could say doesn’t immediately result in me feeling like I want to instantly find the candidate ineligible for any hire until that certain biblical place freezes over.

I then go through all of the “doesn’t a candidate realize…” internal dialogue. Doesn’t the candidate realize employers do in fact remember who ghosted them? Doesn’t a candidate realize they never know everyone the employer knows? Do they think world is big enough that there’s no chance they’ll run the risk of denting their professional reputation? Worst case scenario for the job-hunting ethereal spirit, in a world made ever so much smaller by way of the magic of the internet and social media, don’t they realize a ghosted employer might share their experience with others?

And make no doubt about it - in our viral world - word gets around, quickly.

I would never do this myself (nor would I think any HR professional should), but I’ve heard of hiring managers having tracked these frightful candidates down on Facebook and LinkedIn, leaving less than positive messages on their social pages.

There’s really no such thing as anonymity or complete privacy anymore, so I often wonder why candidates don’t have the foresight to think a few steps ahead before they fall off the planet?

Some think ghosting is a sign of immaturity. Others think it’s unprofessionalism. Increasingly, I’m starting to believe it’s simply a sign of the times. In a world of sound bites, text messages and swipes to the left and right, I can’t help but think we only have ourselves to blame. Plus, telling people you’ve changed your mind can be a scary experience. Maybe it’s because of the anticipation of conflict, or worse, because they’ve risked that uncomfortable conversation before – and it was scary.

As employers we expect that job candidates should know how to say “no” gracefully in a way that doesn’t burn any bridges and leaves their professional reputation intact, yet clearly gets their point of view across. I’m not sure that’s ever been a completely reasonable expectation. If it ever was, it likely isn’t anymore.

I’m not saying I’ll ever fully accept the practice of ghosting, it still bothers me to this day, but I do believe we might need to consider shifting our mindset about it.

We should resist the temptation to burn that bridge. We should look at it as an opportunity missed today, see what tomorrow brings. We might even want to think about taking some proactive steps, as parents, teachers, professors, mentors and coaches.

“No thank you” or “I changed my mind” doesn’t have to be a scary conversation. We can teach our children, our students, our candidates, our employees that conflict can be healthy and transformative. Don’t avoid the conversation, be empowered by it.

And to any hiring manager who makes that challenging conversation negative, or takes it personally, shame on you. You’re a part of the problem. It will only create a negative perception of yourself and reinforces ghosting as a better alternative the next time the candidate is put in that position.

3:35 PM…I messaged my Casper the Friendly ghost that if I didn’t hear from him by the end of the day I’d assume he’s no longer interested. Hoped all was ok and wished him well.