Give me a hand please, not the finger (5 inadequate responses vs. 2 better responses)

The handshake is a common symbol for the concluded contract/ done deal. Contracts (even automated ones) do not (entirely) do themselves and complex contracts take some doing. They need engagement on both sides, represented as above, by open hands coming together. Like a hard negotiation, the art, science, and business of getting complex contracts done at scale – cheaper, faster, better and happier, sometimes called Contract Lifecycle Management or CLM needs engagement too. Picking battles, closing open items, getting everyone on board to execute a contract with any degree of complexity and risk takes some doing. Driving CLM improvement, clarifying goals, identifying problems, sharing experience, and finding solutions takes collective doing. Contracting is a team sport! My area is CLM, but this appeal could resound in many other spheres.

This article is both a plea for meaningful feedback and engagement from others with my ideas and a resolve to engage more meaningfully. The need to focus, the evils of multitasking and the appalling effects of our distracted lives are prominent characters. It is an original presentation of ideas, through its thrust is not novel. Most of us engage less and work around more, than we should.

I call out 5 commonplace responses to ideas/suggestions each represented by a finger as being understandable, often necessary, and useful but mostly inadequate responses. I distinguish them from what I think is needed or better responses. These responses to ideas or thoughts may be in any interaction, in person, email, private chat or increasingly, on social media but I believe the patterns are consistent and can be divided into:

A. (mere) Finger responses, and

B. (holistic) Hand responses.

Discussing the finger responses first.

1)    The thumb – providing a thumbs-up signifies appreciation, encouragement and endorsement which is all great. However, the thumbs up is often mostly based on pre-existing goodwill, old relationships or the desire and willingness to be seen or heard in association with the speaker rather than thoughtful, or heartfelt engagement with what they have to say. It often does not do enough, by itself, to advance thought. The question, rightly or wrongly, that arises for the author is if the person likes, admires, or supports them rather than what they have to say at the moment.

The thumbs down is less common except in polarized environments and on controversial topics. For that reason, it provides more valuable information. Still, it mostly flows from historical bad relationships, bias, or prejudice rather than thoughtful engagement with what the author has to say. If someone puts forward original thought or content not furthering something discredited elsewhere, a mere thumbs down is inadequate in countering the fallacy or bad intent.

2)    The pointer – as it were, makes “a point”, hopefully a valid one. It might be criticism or accusation (“finger-pointing”), but I am not limiting it just to that. If valid, it helps. Of all 1-finger responses, this is usually, the best. It can aid the discussion and development of thought. The question remains whether it is adequate. The motive is often just “to have made a point” or “scored”. If a thought or idea is worthy of comment, perhaps it is worth engaging with further. That is not always the case, but I want to pause and consider if it is, not rush through life racking up points.

3) The middle finger – also known as just “the finger”. Leaving vulgar connotations aside as being beneath consideration, it signifies contempt, directed at a person. It goes beyond disapproval of ideas, statements, or actions to suggest you do not think of the recipient as a person. It is ok to decide some discussions are not worth your time or to make clear how you feel when people or actions obtrude on your time or space. It is fair and often right to be strongly opposed to wrong ideas or to people propagating them. It is never appropriate to be contemptuous or think of humans as less than human or speak or act in such manner. It helps to frankly acknowledge this is a mental battle the best of us must fight sometimes.

4) The ring finger – indicates I’m engaged or too busy to respond. That may be true for any of us, at any point. I may not be able to contribute to an idea or discussion or it may not be worth my time. We constantly make these assessments. Yet if the busy tone is my only or my predominant response in life that indicates something is wrong. There must be things I’m not too busy for. I must find them, make them clear and operate principally in those spaces. If you have genuinely found your life’s passion and are committed to it, congratulations and happy to leave you alone! If not, a busy response is not an adequate, long term, or principal, response.

5) The little finger (or pinkie)– is a response from compulsion or fear. I signal I have little choice in the matter and either beg to be excused and/or join the queue, chorus, or crowd. By nature, we all find ourselves in those situations, but if that is how I respond most frequently, I must take stock. Especially in situations that need engagement.

Thus, we play the game of our working lives with a fragmented hand. There are short-term advantages in having a finger in every pie, but only the open hand of trust and engagement can expand the pie.

A) The open hand - In contrast, what does engagement look like? It is signified by the open hand. Certainly, some fingers must move ahead of others, but it is the attitude of staying open and optimistic until a decision is made. It implies the willingness to bring energy, thought and action to bear - the leverage of the elbow and the strength of the biceps backed by the clear mind and resolute heart. Engagement is not appropriate, except when it is. It reflects who I am. When a worthwhile idea or cause requires my open hand of support, any 1 finger response is less than adequate. I must make conscious, thoughtful choices and act on them along with others. Encourage, inspire, take the conversation forward, share ideas, consult, test, collaborate, invest, plan, execute, monitor, and so on.

B) The closed fist - signifies determined resistance. It speaks to situations or approaches where the appropriate response is not engagement, disengagement, or postponement but the closed fist. It does not imply or suggest violence, but unequivocal opposition as the healthiest response, provided we began, in good faith, with an open hand. Silos, gatekeepers, toxic mandates, conspiracy theories, vanity projects, red-tape, luddism, and prejudice in all its forms come to mind as warranting this response.

Here’s to a more focused, thoughtful, engaged life for me and you. Can you and I together please give that idea a hand? a big hand? a free hand? many hands (that make light work)?