The glitter in her hair: a lesson in consistency and enjoying the journey

This is the story of an evening that unfolds a captivating chapter in the relationship with my daughter, offering an enjoyable and enlightening experience.

My daughter loves to play, cherishing every waking moment. As a result, each evening transforms into a captivating negotiation as we navigate the delicate balance between bedtime and her desire to seize the day at kindergarten, primarily for the joy of play. It goes like this: the responsible adult in me contemplates the necessity of adequate rest, while my daughter passionately advocates for an extension of her playtime. Sleep, it seems, is a notion we are seldom ready to entertain.

And so, negotiations start, playing out in two acts. The first unfolds in the downstairs playground, where minutes are bartered like currency: 10 from me, 30 from her, 15 from me, 25 from her... We eventually meet in the middle, with her sneakily claiming an additional 5-10 minutes before we agree to retire for the night.

The second act, post-shower and tooth-brushing, introduces heavy artillery: "Daddy, I'm hungry," "Daddy, I'm starving," "My stomach is aching," and the classic "I cannot sleep." The target is crystal clear - more time to play. I often stand firm, especially when the hour is late and a tired tomorrow awaits. However, on this particular evening, she unveiled, suddenly, a new strategy: "Daddy, I forgot to put glitter in my hair!" There was a sly tone, a subtle question in the air - could this work? Remarkably, it did! Laughter followed and we shared five minutes of contagious joy. She looked a bit perplexed by the unexpected outcome, but I kissed her on the forehead, expressing my admiration for her ingenuity. The reward? For her - Additional time together before sleep. For me - I find myself smiling, even today, at the memory.

It became clear that this moment was special.

Upon reflection, I've pinpointed the central idea I aim to emphasize: While it may seem like a singular moment, it is, in fact, grounded in a solid foundation. Its roots are linked to three consistent features of our bedtime interactions:

1. The outcome remains uncertain; negotiation is genuine.
2. We know the rules, I retain the final decision, a role she willingly accepts (in play, she's always the boss).
3. We enjoy the process, none of us is getting angry or nervous if the discussions are not heading fast to our intention

Even more, looking at this shared experience, I recognized its applicability to my professional life. While achieving results is undoubtedly crucial, we often become fixated on goals, succumbing to tension and reactivity when things deviate from our plans. Even more dangerous is the drift into roles incompatible with our authentic selves, fostering inconsistency.

Therefore, transcending the final outcome, it is equally vital to enjoy the journey and maintain consistency in adhering to the rules throughout. This not only amplifies our sense of happiness but also enhances the overall quality of the result. Two cool things happen: lots of solutions come up and we become more open to trying new things -similar to the negotiation my daughter and I had in the story above.

I’m grateful that my daughter is reminding me the things that count on our journey. I will continue to be present with her, making me be more consistent and present in all the aspects of my life.

Stefan