God Bless Us. Every Some: 5 Bad Agency Christmases

Christmas makes no sense, but we need it. It’s not really about the “meaning” for a lot of us, it’s about a little tradition and time to think about something other than work. Living around a bit, I’ve found the same with a lot of holidays, and whatever the dogma, they all amount to about the same thing.

Employers are expected to play some part in the big holidays, and since they’re the place and people we spend most of our time with, they set a real tone for what brand of asshats we’ve chosen to put up with for money.

In my time in the marketing world, I’ve seen a few ways agencies celebrate, ranging from lowkey and heartfelt small gatherings that cost next to nothing to full-on themed debauchery where the IT guy shags someone’s spouse back by the toilets — thanks to a “white trash” themed party with pints of schnapps handed out at entry.

While there are some real standouts — like my first boss at a tiny five-person firm, the kind of place where his wife did the books and played receptionist. After a night in their home drinking wine and sharing tales of the year, I was given an envelope containing $50. Not big, and actually disappointing at the time of my youthful ignorance, but it was what he could afford and in retrospect probably the most meaningful bonus I’ve ever gotten.

I’ve not been forcibly made to work the day after Christmas in over 20 years. In the US agency world, it’s expected that the shop will be shut between Santa’s sacking and baby next year’s afterbirth. In Europe, it’s the same, and in China, there were so many foreigners at both agencies and on the client side that most everybody left the country for either home or freer climates. Africa offered such a heightened holiday experience that the company party was all about biblical skits and held in our dusty compound with great song and Christian “how to” books as the agency’s presents to us all — of course, I fucked off back to Singapore before the New Year event hit for some non-denominational escape (and reliable electricity). Now, I have admittedly worked during the Christmas holidays plenty and at the demand of clients, but nobody ever forced anybody. It’s just the joy of doing what we do.

Today is different. Today, the 26th of December, I’m in the office. Now, I’ve worked plenty of days during the traditional break by choice, but this new experience is unique, and telling.

But getting back to it: most company holidays suck, but what sucks even more is not making a human effort. And what we might find in the following is for good or bad, it’s not about the money.

So, I give you my top 5 of the worst in no particular order, so you can be the judge, and excluding any where I simply skipped out on purpose.

The Atlanta Away Game

As it happens, some of the best Christmas parties are ones that might’ve been great if I’d not felt compelled to do what’s right and “take one for the team” rather than go. The agency had a habit of flying members of offices to different offices for their parties, so we could all feel like a team since many of us worked together remotely every day. In this year, the Creative Team was headed to Atlanta, which held a team of about 50 Account folks that serviced the “big red brand” for which my team was responsible. This giant client was such that my Traffic person actually installed a flashing light and siren at his desk because emergencies were many and hours long. At about 2 pm the day of the flight, just as we were packing up and having our first drinks of the day, the call came in, and it seemed most important to make huge changes to whatever project I was on along with my copywriter — probably a program for the next summer as scale meant time. While we should have been on our way to pre-game at the airport, instead it was cancelling flights, deciding who could stay and in the office to work on something we knew wouldn’t get looked at until after January 1, but absolutely must be in someone’s inbox before Christmas. While we worked, our team had a wonderful time, taking over a restaurant, drinking ’til dawn, and ending up in a variety of low-end strip clubs with the office receptionist who at some point was a professional “dancer.” We know much of this not because of a recap later, but because there were constant contacts with our account cohorts regarding data, feedback and advice all while they were trying to enjoy their party as well — “big red client” Elton John at their company party that year. I had pizza delivered and beer from the company fridge while we worked. Indeed nothing happened until the new year and even then it was just more direction and more changes from many layers of people who’d managed to have lovely holidays with their families. In later years after never taking a single day off, I began to take the full month of December and adjourn to places without internet or mobile reception.

The Christmas Layaway Plan

It seems that circumstances around a party can really tinge the scene and this particular season was a scarred one. What seemed like a solid situation suddenly had unexpected layoffs just after what was a pretty poorly planned and executed beach party. You see, a couple of months earlier there’d been a big party for clients to celebrate the agency and it was a pretty costly affair — the beach party utilized leftover drinks from that occasion and some pastries were brought in for food. Two small tents greeted the team after a bus ride to a resort island for shade and rest, but not a chair in sight and on a sweltering day as things are with a tropical Christmas. We were expected to play fun beach games in the sand before our “Secret Santa” exchange. For me, having been in the air and traveling for nearly 30 hours, it was a little too much to endure, so my stay was short, which was okay because much of the creative team was still in the office working on a last-minute request that had them grappling with what must’ve been vague direction and a new platform. This was one where I really can’t complain too much but do so vicariously through the misery of others. Party over, it’s what happened next that really set the tone (along with the layoffs). Most hires including myself were told that the office was closed between Christmas and the New Year, which was offered as a selling point, however, this particular year the owners had decided that in order to take the time off, people would need to have ample vacation days set aside. And while most had accrued what was called “event leave,” the creative group didn’t, so if you didn’t have enough days you could go without pay or borrow from the next year’s vacation days — so as others spent time away the few “have nots” would be spending anywhere from four to a half-day finding something to do and since all of our clients were gone it would all be “make-work.” The office had no decoration, no joy, and seemingly no clue. For my part, I did the best I could to let the team work from home and for those in the office have just a little fun. As I sat with my team, some who’d been given “busy work” to occupy time as most of the clients were on holiday and no “suits” were to be seen, one simply asked “what happened to Christmas?”

The Gift of a New CEO

If you look at my LinkedIn profile, it’s easy enough to figure out who the big agency I worked for is, and the one that was bought to make it what it now is. When our mid-sized agency of 5 offices was bought and began an international push, we got a new CEO — kinda an early prototype of a “crypto-bro” who later would burn his eyebrows off pushing a Christmas tree into his home fireplace. It was his first real office visit, it was Christmas and our main office had around 250 hard-drinking, close-knit people who shared everything and had been through everything together and were used to over-the-top events as reward for their over-the-top commitments. The season was warmer than usual and we’d taken over a restaurant, its multiple bars, and patio for what was one of our cheaper and restrained parties as we were under a new regime — as I recall, this was a beer only occasion to save money although liquor clients were some of our largest. As was the custom at the time, we received a lot of client gifts and swag throughout the year and had a lot of samples. It was with these we did a sort of secret Santa and some of this stuff was really expensive and sought after. We’re talking TVs, assorted electronics, neon signs, designer clothing, and loads of expensive booze. The new CEO had a stink on him from the start, somehow thinking that cowboy boots would endear him to us Midwestern hicks. Never mind that we were an international group and in one of the more urban centers of the United States. Along with no bonuses, our gift: this punk, didn’t so much kill a good time, but shit all over it and taint any future relationships we might have with him, and when it came time to choose a gift from the gift pile (we chose by number) on his way out, before anyone else — he picked the biggest, shiniest best thing and took it for himself. He didn’t need it and the mentality of take, take, take, was to be the future of the company. This CEO was later replaced by another and then another and after his contractual time ran out, our beloved founder was disappeared and so finally was the spirit of the company.

The Milwaukee Away Game

This one is a mix of the best and the worst as it’s a blur on both ends. The agency that did Christmas as both “home and away games” sent a bunch of us to a remote Milwaukee, Wisconsin office as we worked on a huge brewer based in that city and with any client of this size, there were a lot of voices and a lot of shaky relationships between offices. The plan was to send a bunch of us there, get us fed and drunk and everything would be great again. We were to fly to Chicago and drive some hours north to save a little money. Since the rental car was in my name, I started the drive with the team half drunk from the airport and having picked up some “road beers” to keep us amused. Just outside Chicago my phone rang and I was invited to an unscheduled pretty contentious conference call with a client, photographer, account people from multiple offices, and a very big budget. For the next 2.5 hours, including gas stops and cheese shopping at a place called Mars Cheese, I drove while alternating between listening and shouting into my device, my car mates occasionally handing me a beer (which wasn’t as big of a deal when and where we were). Navigating through the streets of a strange city mostly by my passengers pointing left or right, I parked, continued on the phone, took the elevator to a conference room in an office that I’d never been to, and joined the Milwaukee team for the rest of the call just as my phone battery died. Sure. This wasn’t really the party party which was lovely and had us staying at a little B&B, which I wouldn’t much remember by morning because we all got VERY drunk, I met someone’s best friend, whose name I didn’t quite remember the next day and ended up sending a blanket apology to everyone involved for whatever may’ve transpired. It was wonderfully terrible and I am friends with many of those people even to this day. Yeah, not the worst, maybe even one of the better ones if I could remember much.

The Ex-mas Party

I’d just broken up with a girl who I’d foolishly bought an enormous house with. And worse, we got together while working together at an agency whose Christmas party she was desperate to crash (as my date) as she’d quit months prior. Everyone there was a friend and I was one of the more senior people and had been travelling a lot of photoshoots and the like, so I really couldn’t not show up. The ex was also friends with a lot of people, but also had some axes to grind, but since we also shared the same address, there were no good options especially if I wanted to keep some semblance of separate, but equal peace in the home. I took what I thought was the less worst plan. For the occasion, I’d planned to put on a suit and make myself unusually presentable. She put on a nice outfit, but also a pretty hefty drunk before getting there. The party was nice enough, far from the days when the agency office controlled its own budgets and included travel, but moods were good, at least until the dark clouds rolled in along with the whispers from other managers (and HR). When I glanced over and saw her poking into the face of a little troll from upper management that she’d somehow decided was her nemesis, that maybe it was best to remove the fly from the ointment and make both apologies and exit. Getting the ex home, I’d arranged to meet up with some coworkers for an after-party where my goal seemed to best be explained as to somehow not go home. If there was any bonus that year, it was lost on me. The house would go up for sale and I’d fuck off to Sweden in a few months. This was the last Christmas that I’d spend, at least in person, with that agency or the ex for that matter. No fault of the agency for the badness and maybe the best end to a place whose parties always seemed to arrive with much weirdness and drama. Years later, we’d both become different people and genuine friends — life’s funny that way, even if that night was still a disaster.

We’ve all had some terrible holiday experiences at work and I know these are never going to beat most, but sometimes it’s nice to reflect during the holidays, so that we can leave it all behind in the New Year.

It’s Not All Bad…

It actually might be nice to list the best ones too, because there are some good ones like the one with only five people I mentioned. Another good one was with another 5 people, and it was at a start-up that was bootstrapped by the guy that sold his mid-sized agency to the holding company. He’s the guy that gave me a big bonus and won the bet of a lifetime. At our little agency, times were tight, and we did everything for ourselves, including Christmas that included a white-elephant gift exchange that included one of our clients, who actually funded the pizza and beers for our little party. I can’t even remember what gift I got, but I can remember the genuine heartfelt joy of being with people that really cared about each other and even as we gradually left and grew apart, remember each other during the holidays. There were other gatherings that were set as pot-luck lunches as in the agency world, it often is feast or famine, those having more meaning and warmth than the most luxurious starred management celebrations.

The Moral of the Story

There can be one bit of wisdom that we can take away from this little list of joy: it’s that some of the worst had me working while others partied and enjoyed the season. The differences in these worsts were that they were my choice. The company and clients may have ultimately been responsible, but they at least knew that telling me to do what they knew I’d already do would only make things worse. For me there’s a real question of value and values when it comes to being made to work the holidays versus deciding to do so. It’s a season of extremes where even your “drunk uncle” is welcome to the table, but only if the boss allows you to have a table.

I hope you all had some semblance of paid joy and can’t count this holiday as anything but one for the nice list and found your own naughtiness as joyful.

Now tell us about yours.