Gossip @ Work.

Have you ever attempted to shift workplace gossip, only to find your efforts falling short?

Or perhaps, after a fleeting moment of satisfaction from venting about a colleague, you were left feeling a sense of guilt and emptiness?

Or have you ever experienced that sinking sensation when noticing secretive conversations among coworkers?

Our brain is wired to achieve. In fact, it's wired for 3 things in bulk: to be safe, to achieve, and to be included. So, achieving is a pretty big deal. Sometimes, our brain interprets this drive as achieve at all costs and take down others in your way.

If you find that the bulk of your discussions with others tends to focus on the flaws and mistakes of people around you, then congratulations are in order. You're honest, acknowledging the universal challenges we all face as human beings craving love, approval, and safety, yet susceptible to judgment and the pain of exclusion. You likely recognize the myopic nature of gossip and desire a more enriching interaction. Yes, congrats! You are human and now, you have the chance to get better.

Let's delve into the underlying human conditions that cultivate the practice of gossip: We seek a tribe, often through the shared disdain for a common "enemy." Gossip serves to foster intimacy among in-group members, creating a semblance of closeness. It allows us to passively manipulate situations to our advantage by discrediting others in closed circles. Gossip can serve as a vehicle for disseminating crucial, albeit negative, information within an organization, particularly in environments marred by distrust and poor leadership.

Yet, many of us haven't mastered the skills of self-validation, receiving feedback constructively, managing difficult emotions effectively, acknowledging our mistakes, and communicating directly with confidence and authority. Often raised in cultures that frown upon forthright communication, viewing it as disruptive or disrespectful, we find ourselves defaulting to gossip as a communication tool.

The neuroscience behind gossip reveals it to be a deeply ingrained biological and systemic behavior, driven by our needs for safety, personal advancement, and belonging. Gossip transcends cultural, socioeconomic, and demographic boundaries, highlighting our shared human vulnerabilities in trying to meet our basic needs. However, the habitual indulgence in gossip without mindfulness and clear boundaries can diminish our vibrational frequency, cause significant harm to others and ourselves, erode trust, and cultivate a toxic work environment.

Yet, there's a transformative approach available—what we might call "Conscious Complaining." This technique allows individuals to express frustrations briefly and constructively, focusing on personal emotions and potential solutions without perpetuating harm. Such complaints should be succinct, lasting no more than two minutes, with listeners simply providing a supportive ear. Training and awareness can convert destructive gossip into coaching opportunities that empower individuals to take responsibility and seek resolutions.

At Moksha, we engage deeply with teams to uncover the dynamics and undercurrents of workplace interactions, including the nature and content of gossip. Such insights reveal the core issues and longstanding grievances that need addressing. We've observed that negative gossip patterns often intensify with certain changes, such as the promotion of a peer to a leadership role, a lack of presence and engagement from leaders, and a deficiency in the skills necessary for effective feedback.

Consider the story of a high-level leader at a technology company who, through honest self-reflection, recognized the detrimental impact of her participation in gossip. This realization came too late, as the gossip had already harmed her colleague's career and her own reputation. She is now committed to mending these relationships and fostering a culture of direct communication and trust.

If you've tried to curb gossip in the past by avoiding participation, establishing no-gossip policies, or confronting it directly, you've taken commendable steps. Yet, these actions may isolate you socially, triggering a primal need for inclusion which might tempt you back into the fray.

Here are a few strategies to help redirect and heal from the dynamics of gossip:

1. Share your personal intention to change your gossip habits with friends and colleagues. For example, express to a colleague how you've noticed the negative impact of your conversations and seek their support in shifting towards more positive interactions.
2. When confronted with gossip, offer empathy and encourage the gossiper to address their concerns directly with the involved parties, promoting resolution and healthier relationships.
3. Validate and support those who feel wronged, especially if the grievance involves a senior leader, and encourage them to take constructive action that fosters communication and resolution.

At Moksha, our transformational off-sites delve into neuroscience and high-performance team dynamics, fostering empathy, connection, and forgiveness. We explore how conscious communication can profoundly alter workplace culture, and we facilitate the establishment of team agreements that commit to supportive and constructive interactions.

Our approach has profoundly impacted many, transforming workplace environments and enhancing leadership effectiveness through direct, compassionate communication strategies.

With love and dedication to your journey towards a more enlightened workplace,

~ Sheila Pride (and Ryan Pride)

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Sheila R. Pride, LCSW, RYT, LMT, is the CEO of the Moksha Group and a transformative coach and speaker with over 20 years of experience in social work and trauma recovery. Integrating neuroscience with holistic practices such as yoga, chi-gong, and biofeedback, Sheila specializes in improving communication and empathy within high-conflict or conflict-avoidant teams and leadership. Her extensive background includes academic contributions at notable universities and developing international training curricula for diverse professional and community settings. An advocate for community empowerment, environmental conservation, and human rights, Sheila also incorporates advanced therapeutic methods like NLP and Gestalt Therapy to foster internal environments of steadiness and joy in both professional and personal realms. Additionally, she enjoys a balanced life filled with nature, dance, and family as a partner and mother of three.