Grain of Salt

“I don't let positive things get to my head and negative things to get to my heart” - Adnan Chilwan

A few years ago, I was giving a guest lecture in a popular university abroad, and during the break decided to go for a walk. As I admired the far-reaching landscape surrounded by a lake, and was lost in admiration of the natural beauty, I saw a young boy sitting on a bench sulking and wiping tears away.

I approached him and noticed that he was one of the curious students in my class, who was actively listening and asking questions. I had also observed some students rolling their eyes at few of his queries. It pained me a bit to see him like this so I asked him if I could sit next to him.

Seeing me, he nodded and sat upright suddenly attentive, waiting for my “onslaught” I guess. We both sat quietly observing the ripples of water at the edge of the lake enjoying our peaceful few minutes.

Suddenly he broke the silence. “Why can't people let me be me?”.

I smiled. “Because you are different and people cannot handle that”. He looked pained as if I had touched open a deep wound. “Would it be easier for you if people didn’t make it so difficult?’. He nodded looking down.

For a moment I went down memory lane, for I have been down that path many times in life. As I looked at this young boy who had his whole life waiting for him and was barely noticing the miraculous landscape in front, I felt his deep misery. 

“Let me ask you two questions, young man” The boy nodded silently.

“Do you know what is the religion of the mediocre?”

He shrugged. “Money?”

I smiled. “Envy”.

The boy looked startled.

“When people want what others have, they reduce themselves to great lows to get it”

“Should I just be like them so I am more likable and it hurts me less?”

“You are at the crossroads of life my boy. How you react to this will determine how you choose to live your life. The easy path is to become like them but the real delight in life is to never change who you are.”

The young lad was already sitting up attentively and I thought to lighten it up a bit.

Now your second question.

“Do you know what beggars are most envious of?” I asked him.

“Millionaires?” He replied.

“Well yes, but most envious of other beggars who are more successful!” 

We both chuckled and nodded in agreement.

Envy – The Endless Fire Within

My conversation with the young man that day made me reflect on my past. I felt his lingering pain and it took me back to my childhood days. Growing up was not easy as I came from humble beginnings and though I did not have much, my parents always taught me the value of a blessing, which I had an endless abundance of. Sheer hard work.

This is such a state that one forgets to probably sleep or eat, but the rewards are manifold. However, no matter how hard I worked, it was something that was only privy to me. I did not need to brag about it. But when I was rewarded for it, my peers resisted it. How could a ‘nobody’ become ‘somebody’? How was destiny favoring me vs them?

So here I am asking them. Were they there to give a helping hand when I could barely afford to buy new shoes and kept stapling the soles so I could make them last longer, or to give an extra meal when I slept hungry many days on end? But when things seemed to go my way, it was not appreciated. And this is not just the story of my life, but many who have been in the same shoes, literally.

In life, it is not sticks and stones, but words that hurt more than anything, especially when they come from people you thought better of. It caused immense pain which was hard to forget.

During my childhood, my mother would try and soothe my sadness with her ever-abundant supply of pearls of wisdom. Somehow, her motherly instincts would know just when my heart was sinking. To this day, I cannot figure out how, but she always knew how to make me feel loved when I feel most alone. On one such occasion, I was sulking, throwing my cricket ball against the wall and catching it again (there is some profound satisfaction in doing that mindlessly), I felt a warm embrace and her loving knowing eyes, that always have, to this day, shown me the hope of a better tomorrow.

“Son let me tell you something and maybe it won’t make sense now, but later you will understand. Remember that everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die. But the ones who are prepared to die will go to heaven one way or another.”

Being a kid, I rolled my eyes and asked her to speak in ‘normal language’ but she just laughed. “Feel sorry for the envious for they are the most miserable and fearful lot. One day you will know what I mean, and all this won’t matter anymore.” And this talk would usually end with a bowl of rice pudding, to lift my mood, even if I didn't understand her words of wisdom. 

Years later I did realize what she meant. But it was a tough pill to swallow.

As I grew older, the crossroads of life tested me more often. The strange thing is that my work itself pained me less than certain people I encountered along the way. No matter how hard I tried to stay clear and out of the limelight, my accomplishments would ignite their devious games and make it excruciating to ‘being me’.

I remember once, I had gone out of my way and spent months analyzing market trends, financial statements, competitor reports, and related materials trying to map out a strategic pathway as a hidden opportunity for the firm, from disturbing pending future trends. Trying to think with the ‘big picture’ approach, I submitted the research to my manager, whom I thought would be appreciative, and read it with zeal. Instead, I was not prepared for what came about.

He grew into a rage and accused me of trying to be his boss! Not only did he hand my report back to me but I also got reprimanded for daring to think more than my ‘job description’.

I have never forgotten to this day what he said to me then.

Looking at me in the eye he told me in a very matter-of-fact way that I was ‘good for nothing and unqualified’ to do anything and would never succeed at anything in life.

I felt heartbroken but had the courage to tell him, time will tell..........the rest is history.

I understand. It is not easy being you. The world will never understand. No matter how much you try to convince them or change yourself. And what the world does not understand, it will try every attempt to make you doubt yourself and make you the public victim of their insecurities.

Let me repeat, the public victim of their insecurities. It was never about you anyway. A change in mindset will help you move on and here are some things that helped me.

·       Ignore Ignore and Ignore Some More

It is strange how people are alright when you have a mundane level of success. Almost like you become ‘acceptable’. But be a little more than thought possible and they come out to bite. It is not easy to not react to such low-life behavior. They are short-sighted and feel there is not enough sun for all to shine.

I call it ‘scarcity thinking’ and I have a deep dislike for such a mindset. Ignore such beings. They are only trying to claw you back down to their level. You reacting to their childish behavior will only stop you on your path to shine. Keep eyeing the horizon and never lose sight of why you were achieving in the first place. What compelled you to do more and work harder? Never forget that. Winners focus on winning. Let the losers focus on the winners.

·       The WHY Factor

Often, we get so caught up in other people’s judgments that we forget why we achieved something in the first place. Ask yourself this. Why do I want to succeed at what I am doing? What was the spark that ignited my fire within?

Revisit your ‘Why!’. Once this is crystal clear, you can only succeed and not be pushed off track by nasty actions. Hold on steadfastly to that thought and the vision you are trying to create. Remember no one’s words and actions can pull you back. Just keep revisiting your ‘Why’ when affected by their actions. Let the humiliation you feel now add fuel to your reality and not their insecurities. Don't worry. Your days to shine will come soon. You will thank these contenders for elevating you to become who you are meant to be. Keep faith. Keep looking ahead.

·       Massive Success – the best Revenge

The best kind of revenge that is everlasting is massive success. Success is also a relative term. It does not just mean more money, better job titles, homes, and cars. It could also mean having health, successful children, loving spouses, caring parents, or even just peace within. No one can take that away from you. Be more. Be better. Focus on all that you can be. Burn the midnight oil and channel your pain and torment into becoming the best version of you. Success is the best revenge.

And of course, if things get too toxic, exercise your right to move on to greener pastures. If not now, but eventually. Life is too short to keep worrying about other's judgments about you. The real battle is to invest in the kind of story you want to write for yourself.

As I reflect on the pain the fire of envy brings to all those around it, I read a touching poem by Erin Hanson, tilted ‘Rainstorm’ that might help bring peace within.

You were born to be a rainstorm,

To send your voice throughout the night,

To sing your song with falling raindrops,

To break the darkness with your light,

You were born to show raw beauty,

To wash the dirt out from their eyes,

But the whole world ran for cover,

When you opened up the skies,

So you made your thunder silent,

And learn to bite your rainy tongue,

You gave them what they thought they wanted,

You gave them life with endless sun,

But as they watched their lives grow weaker,

Watched as their leaves turned brown and dry,

They wish they didn’t take for granted,

Your booming presence in the sky,

You were born to be a rainstorm,

To be chaotic and be bold,

To show there’s beauty in the knowledge,

That you cannot be controlled,

Because you might think you’re not needed,

Life without you is the same,

But nothing beautiful would ever grow,

If it wasn’t washed with rain.

It is said that the roman general Pompei believed that he could make himself immune to poison by ingesting small amounts of various poison. However, he took this ‘miracle cure’ with a grain of salt to assist him in swallowing the poison.

People will continue to spread their poison and hatred for the few that climb up faster than them. Rest assured. They are only fearful of what you can become. And what havoc you can create in their mundane existence.

They know your name. But they do not know your story. They assume to know what you have done but they will never know what you have gone through. So, take the poison of their opinions and judgments with a grain of salt, as Pompei did, and build your miracle cure for them. Your grain of salt? The painful revenge of success. Your vision and undeterred faith in a better tomorrow. It is not easy but it will come to those who are patient.

Remember this. Envy is the tax paid by the Extraordinary. You are different because you are more than mediocre. And that my friend, is a blessing in disguise. Embrace it, instead of hiding from it. For its only purpose is to prepare you for better horizons. To make you more successful than ever before. For at the end of the day, the hero of the story of your life is YOU. They never mattered anyway.

So, go ahead and pay the envy tax, even if with a Grain of Salt.