Grammar Woes and Laughs: How to Thrive Amidst Linguistic Lunacy

After more than two decades of teaching grammar, I can assuredly attest to the notion that language teaching has become the embodiment of God’s sense of humor. Bold claims to be held, albeit with concrete justification. I cannot begin to comprehend the turmoil and frustration faced by a language learner when interpreting Greek idioms which baffle them beyond explanation. “Slow the much oil” or “You’ll eat wood” are but a few examples to consider. Of course, this works both ways as learners of English would be scratching their heads when hearing the expression “Bite the bullet” or “I’ll spill the beans”. I can only imagine how upset a host would be upon hearing his guest say the latter, fretting for his clean, shiny floor. Admittedly, I have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and preserving a spotless kitchen floor is a constant painstaking endeavor.

What is that you say, my disgruntled colleagues? It gets even worse in class? Do tell! Idioms are actually the least of our concerns and our experience alone can be referenced in a multitude of academic papers and research. B2 level examinees who attend speaking exams and utter the words “She have bag to school… beautiful!” make you start considering professional alternatives in a completely different field of occupation. Hold your horses, though (no pun intended); it gets worse! How is it possible for a student whose mother tongue has catered to a completely different exposure of grammar rules and structure to be able to adapt to an alien approach of communication? “It’s all Greek to me!” literally embodies the satirical substance of being exposed to the cultural and diverse peculiarities of grammar idiosyncrasies. “Let’s eat, Grandma!” takes on a whole new level of meaning when stated: “Let’s eat Grandma!” My students call me crazy when I insist on those punctuation marks, despite the fact I keep telling them I’m not a cannibal. Actually, I’m a feminist so pay attention when I say “A woman: without her, man is nothing” in comparison to “A woman without her man is nothing.” I do hope people don’t misinterpret my words. A missing colon can actually have you cancelled in today’s reprimanding world of social media, so do be careful.

Don’t even get me started with homophones. Imagine the look on your students’ faces when you explain, “The bandage was wound around the wound.” Their frustration and disappointment plummeting, it’s no wonder your students “wound up” leaving your classes. Ok, enough fun. I’ve already “wound them up” enough as it is. Silly me; I can go on forever… Oh wait! How did we go from homophones to double meanings? I seem to be lost in my thoughts. My, oh my, how time flies!  Okay, okay… I get it! No flies on you. Let’s get back to business. I have to finish cleaning my home. Cleaning enthusiast or OCD? Your pick! And dust the house. Wait! Why in the world would we ‘dust’ a house?! That’s counterproductive! No, my dear friends, that’s a contronym! And speaking of contronyms, I’ll go “dust the cake with powdered sugar” as the usage has opposite meanings due to context.

One must wonder though, why is grammar such a difficult concept to grasp even if the leaner is properly exposed to all cultural elements and mindsets? The answer is simple: ‘Motivation’. If a learner feels obliged to learn and there is no other ulterior goal (i.e. entertainment or personal development), they fail to delve into the remarkable and somewhat humorous experience of learning a foreign language.

 “My name is Maria. I am twelve years old. I like music and dancing,” exclaims the meticulous student who cleverly learned her lines by heart. If you then expand upon the conversation and ask who her favorite singer is and why, everything will fall to pieces as you receive the most common of responses: “Taylor Swift. She is very good. This!” I hate it when they use ‘this’ to reinforce an opinion or lack thereof.

Of course, who am I to judge? I’m quite sure my command of foreign languages is nothing but minimal when travelling abroad, and I struggle to get my point across. One such example was my recent trip to Barcelona for a conference. As my colleague and friend introduced me to our fellow speakers, I was asked to go out with them for dinner, but I felt a bit embarrassed. I used the word “embarazada” which sounds like “embarrassed” in English; however, it actually means “pregnant”! After my friend burst into laughter, we eventually had a lovely dinner with the rest, and I learned a valuable lesson.

No, I’m not referring to my command of Spanish, rather the approach. If we looked upon language learning with a sense of humor, it might become easier to embed. In the case of Mary and her blunt justification of her favorite singer, I would embrace a totally different perspective. Instead of adhering to the misconception that learning a language is tedious, elaborating the answer to the fullest extent, implementing all grammar rules learned up to that point, usually getting you a long, uncolorful sentence lacking any passion whatsoever, I would rather my student simply say, “she’s awesome!”

Wait, that’s it? Ah, yes! The simplest of approaches to the most complex of challenges; imparting learners with the confidence and joy they should ultimately adopt when learning a language and the complexities of its grammar. Let them feel entertained and be themselves. Blunders will occur, and it’s better to smile and instill them with knowledge instead of showing contempt and disappointment. Languages are playpens and grammar elements are the toys to be shared with our students. Just remember… toys are supposed to be fun to play with, not kept in a box.